Ocarina of Time: Retold
by Zehro the Demon Assassin
Summary: Zehro's the name, writing crappy stories is my game. Just kidding. This is basically a remake of Ocarina of Time, but with my own little twist to it. You'll see what I mean if you read it.
1. Prologue

**A/N: This story is basically a remake of Ocarina of Time, but with my own little twist.**

**Link: Wow, seriously man? Another remake of Ocarina of Time? Do you know how many people before you have done that?**

**Zehro: Well what do you want me to do?**

**Link: How about an original idea for once?**

**Zehro: You're asking for it.**

**Link: Oooh, like I'm so scared of a writer. I'm the Freaking Hero of TIME!**

**Zehro: Shut up and do the story.**

**Link: What's in it for me?**

**Zehro: I'll give you 1000 Rupees.**

**Link: Deal. Let's get this show on the road.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda series, even though I wish I did. I also don't own any other franchise that may be mentioned here. I do, however, own this story and any original characters that are in here.**

_Ocarina of Time: Retold_

Prologue:

_In the vast, deep forest of Hyrule..._

_Long have I served as the Guardian Spirit... I am known as the Deku Tree..._

_The children of the forest, the Kokiri, live here with me._

_Each Kokiri has his or her own guardian fairy._

_However, there is one boy who does not have a fairy..._

(In Link's Dream)

"Huh? Where am I? Oh no, not this dream again..."

There Link was. Standing at the entrance of Hyrule Castle Town. The drawbridge slowly descending. It was nighttime, and it had just started to rain. The drawbridge came to a stop, right at his feet. In the distance, the sound of a horse's footsteps could be heard.

Out in the distance, coming straight towards him, was a white horse, with two passengers on its back. Two girls. The older one looked like she was about 50 years old, while the younger one looked the same age as Link. The horse rode past him. The girl glanced back at Link, a look of distraught on her face.

Link turned to face the town, and found another horse in front of him. A jet black horse, with a tall man on top of it. The man, obviously a Gerudo from the way he looked, glared at Link, and raised his hand in attack. Link couldn't move. He couldn't do anything. He stood there, helpless, waiting for his demise. And then, everything went white.

(Kokiri Forest, Deku Tree Grove)

_Navi... Navi where art thou? Come hither..._

Navi the fairy approached the Mighty Tree. A look of concern on her face...

**Link: Wait, do fairies even have faces?**

**Zehro: Of course they have faces. How would Navi be able to facepalm herself at your stupidity in other stories?**

**Link: Did you just call me stupid?**

**Navi: I didn't know this was a parody. I'll get the popcorn...**

**Zehro: NO! It's not supposed to be a parody. It's supposed to be...**

**Link: Answer my question!**

**Zehro: Shut up Link, I'm talking to Navi!**

**Link: Who would WANT to talk to Navi? She's so god damn annoying...**

**Navi: …**

**Link: Wait, Navi, I didn't mean it like that.**

**Navi: I HATE YOU, LINK!**

**Link: Navi! Wait!**

**Zehro: Nice job, "Hero," your assistant just flew off.**

**Link: Oh so what? Like I said, nobody likes her.**

**Zehro: Would you rather have Tatl as your partner?**

**Link: No, No, NO! For the love of Nayru, PLEASE, don't pair me with her!**

**Tatl: Too late. Navi quit, and now I'M your partner.**

**Navi: Think again...**

**Tatl: What're you doing here?**

**Navi: I may quit from being his partner, but I'll be damned if you're gonna be my replacement!**

**Tatl: You wanna go?**

**Navi: BRING IT!**

**(The two fairies get in a fight. Bones are shattered, hair is pulled, screaming and yelling could be heard from the two. Zehro pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed)**

**Zehro: Ugh, this wasn't even supposed to happen. Do you know how much space we've wasted?**

**Link: Then just add space to it. Make this chapter extremely long.**

**Zehro: THIS IS THE PROLOGUE! It's not supposed to be long!**

**Link: Whatever. Lets just cut it off here. Favorite, Follow, Review...**

**Zehro: NO! We're not ending it here!**

**Link: Why not? You gotta end it somewhere...**

**Zehro: But not here! I don't want to end it with Navi approaching the Great Deku Tree. People are not gonna read this if we do that!**

**Link: How would you know? People are attracted to humor. And luckily for you, this parody is just the thing you need.**

**Zehro: How many times do I have to tell you, IT'S NOT A PARODY! Great, you have single handedly ruined my story in just the Prologue.**

**Link: Just make it a Parody!**

**Zehro: Ugh, fine...**

**Link: So, do we cut it off here?**

**Zehro: Lets see how Navi and Tatl are doing...**

**Link: I'll go check...**

**(Link goes to see if Tatl and Navi are still fighting, or still alive. They're both still fighting, but have become much more aggressive. Link tried to break up the fight, but only got a knife thrown at his head. Link dodged the knife, ran out of the room and slammed the door shut)**

**Zehro: Well?**

**Link: You don't wanna go in there...**

**Zehro: Screw this. Review, Favorite, Follow, I don't care what you do, just no flames, please.**


	2. Ch 1: The Tree the Kid and the Fairy

**A/N: UGH! This is f*cking BULLSH*T! OpenOffice crashed on me, now I gotta start this WHOLE DAMN CHAPTER OVER!**

**Link: Woah! Watch it there, potty-mouth. I thought this was Rated T.**

**Zehro: It's about to turn Rated M if you don't f*ck off!**

**Link: You don't scare me.**

**The next scene was censored out due to the fact that Zehro went 'Nucking Futs' on Link. I can't tell you what he did, but it involved a Redead, a Chainsaw, and a box of Donuts. Ah, what the hell. I'll show you the rest of it.**

**Link: AGH! SWEET MOTHER OF GANONDORF! GET THIS REDEAD AWAY FROM ME!**

**Navi: A Chainsaw Wielding Redead that wants to do 'you-know-what' with Link? You have a devious mind, Zehro.**

**Zehro: I sure do. Donut?**

**Navi: Thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda series or any other series mentioned in here.**

* * *

_Chapter 1: The Tree, The Kid, and The Fairy_

"You wanted to see me, Deku Tree?"

The mighty tree cast it's gaze on the tiny fairy, known as Navi. "Navi, Dost thou feel the evil sweeping the land of-" Navi zoned out, because she wasn't interested in the Deku Tree's speech. She just floated there, looking at her nails, lost in thought about something other than what he was saying. "It is of upmost importance that you...Hey, are you even listening to me?" Navi snapped back to reality. "Huh, what?" The Deku Tree let out a mighty sigh. "Why do I even keep her around here?" he thought to himself. He looked at the fairy with his non-moving eyes. "I said, I want you to find the 'Boy Without A Fairy' and bring him to me!"

Navi waved her arms, signalling that she had heard him even though she didn't. "I heard you the first time, alright? I'll find him. What's his name?" "His name is Link," said the Deku Tree. Navi shrugged her shoulders. "Never heard of him." The Deku Tree was starting to lose his patience. "Oh, for the love of all three goddesses, just go ask around the village! You'll find him!" Navi rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. Geez. Don't have to get so mad about it. It's just one kid."

And with that, Navi flew off in search for Link. She flew around asking many of the villagers if they knew where Link lived. Most of them just shrugged their heads and went about their business. This pissed Navi off, until finally, she came across the Know-It-All Brother's house. She went inside and found that two were sleeping, and that one was barely awake. "Um, excuse me?" The kokiri looked up at Navi and gave her a warm smile. "Hello there. The name's Bob. How can I help you?"

"Do you know where I can find Link?" Bob's smile quickly disappeared. "Link? That loser? Why are you looking for him?"

**Navi: Woah, woah, woah. Bob? Is that the best you could come up with?**

**Zehro: Well, I don't know his name, alright? I just gave him a random one.**

**Navi: And Bob is what you came up with?**

**Zehro: Enough talk, back to the story.**

"Uh, hello?"

Navi snapped back to reality. "Huh?" Bob gave the fairy a blank look. "I asked you a question and you zoned out." Navi dinged, signalling that she remembered. "Oh, right. Listen, the Great Deku Tree wants to see him for some reason and I'm supposed to bring Link to him. Now do you know where he is, or not?" Bob shrugged his shoulder. "I dunno. He's probably in his house." "And his house is where?" Navi asked. Bob pointed out of the window behind her. "Right behind you."

Navi turned around quickly and saw a treehouse right where the kokiri was pointing. "Oh, uh, thanks. I guess." Navi flew out of the door and straight to the house. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Finally, now I can get this Wild-Groose-Chase over with. Now, I just need to-"

SMACK! Navi ran straight into a fence. It sent her off balance and she fell to the ground. She held her face where she had hit the fence. "OW! That hurt like a bewitched pot to the face!"

**Zehro: Bewitched pot?**

**Navi: Yeah, you know. Like at the Spirit Temple. When those pots start flying at you?**

**Zehro: Oh yeah.**

Navi got back in the air, flew past the fence, and went straight into Link's house.

* * *

(Inside of Link's House)

Inside the house, she found a boy with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a...Purple Tunic? He was blaring the music and dancing (very badly) to his favorite song. Needless to say, Navi was shocked at the sight, to the point where she felt like she needed to bleach her eyeballs. The boy kept dancing and singing to the tune. "Girl look at that body, ah, girl look at that body, ah, girl look a that body, ah, ah, ah, I work out!" Then the boy ripped off his pants, revealing rather... disturbing underwear. Navi wanted to barf at the sight of it. "When I walk in the spot, this is what I see! Everybody stops and is staring at me! I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it! Show it! Show it! Show it!" He turned towards the doorway, right where Navi was floating. "I'm Sexy and I- HOLY DEKU NUTS!

The boy stumbled back and fell into a pile of junk that had previously been there. Once the dust settled, he lifted the lampshade from his head to find a very embarrassed Navi, looking at him like he was insane. "What the hell are you doing here?!" the boy asked.

"L-Link?" she could barely say. The boy blinked once. Then twice. "What? NO! I'm his roommate, Chuck." Navi let out a sight of relief, silently thanking the Deku Tree for this messed up kid not being Link. "Okay then, where's Link?" Chuck pointed to the stairs behind him. "Upstairs, or something." Navi didn't hesitate to fly out of there. Before she was completely out of sight, Chuck called her back. Hesitantly, she poked her head through the doorway. "Hey... uh... what just happened... that's gonna stay a secret. Right?" Navi nodded her head then flew straight into the other room.

* * *

In the next room she found another boy, who looked exactly the same as Chuck, but with a Red Tunic. This boy was repeatedly attacking wooden dummies with a series of combo moves. Navi was impressed. "Wow," she thought to herself. "This is Link? Now THAT'S a guy I'd like to hang around with." She flew up next to him. "Hi, you must be Link, I'm-"

The boy grabbed his sword and spun around, barely hitting the fairy. Navi flinched as the sword was merely inches away from cutting off her wing. Once he saw Navi, his expression went from anger to annoyance very quickly. He lowered the sword and glared at the fairy. "What do you want? I'm busy." Navi shot a look back at the boy, who she assumed was Link. "Hi, Link. I'm Navi. The Great Deku Tree sent me to-"

Not a second after she said 'Link,' the boy burst into laughter. "You... you actually think I'm Link? Hah! That's hilarious! Oh, man. That made my day." Navi gave him a confused look. "Y-you're not Link?" The boy rolled his eyes. "Pfft, he wishes. I'm Brad. I'm better, faster and ESPECIALLY stronger than Link ever was or ever will be." Navi sighed. Two lookalikes? "Well, where is he?" Brad pointed behind him. "Upstairs or something. I dunno, you're breaking my concentration. Get outta here before I slice you in half like I know many people wanna see."

Navi shot him a glare before she flew upstairs. "Asshole," she silently said to herself.

* * *

Now, Navi was getting pissed. She met two people she thought were Link in the same house. Chuck, Brad, and hopefully, she'll meet Link soon.

She flew into the next room and found another boy, looking just like the last two, but with a Blue Tunic. The boy was reading a book entitled 'Origin of the Sheikah' with a pair of reading glasses on. Navi slowly approached him. "Hmm..." she thought to herself, again. "He seems pretty smart, which could come in handy in the future." She tapped the boy on the shoulder. "Um... excuse me..." The boy looked up from his book and glanced at the fairy. His expression went from inquired to entertained.

"Oh, a visitor. How absolutely delightful. And you're a fairy as well!" Navi started to blush. "Well, thanks. Not many people appreciate us fairies anymore." The boy took a sip of his tea. "Tell me, what type of fairy are you? Are you a guardian fairy or a healing fairy?" Navi gave him a strange look. "I'm... a guardian fairy, of course. Healing fairies live deeper in the forest." The boy apologized. "Oh, forgive me, of course you're a guardian fairy. Healing fairies have a certain pink hue to them." Navi couldn't believe this. This is the kind of person she'd LOVE to hang around with. He's smart, he's sophisticated, he doesn't think fairies are annoying... and he's NOTHING like those two weirdos downstairs. Navi looked back towards the stairs and shuddered at the thought of them. The boy caught her gaze.

"Oh, I'm sure you've met my dreadful brothers, Chuck and Brad." Navi nodded. The boy sighed. "Despite being a very skilled fighter, Brad is also very self-centered. Always obsessive over his 'training.' I, myself, would not resort to violence unless it was absolutely necessary. Which reminds me of a time when I got into a fight with another gentleman over this very book. The man bopped me on the noggin, so I was forced to 'tear him a new one' as you would say. I gave him a very stern talking-to afterwards. Oh, pardon me, I've gotten off topic. My other brother, Chuck, is what you would call a 'Party Animal,' always blaring that infernal 'Pop' music. I myself enjoy much more sophisticated music, such as-

Navi signaled for him to stop. "I'm very sorry to interrupt, but do you mind if I ask you a question?" The boy nodded. "Oh, by all means, go right ahead." Navi flew a little closer to him. "You wouldn't happen to be Link, would you?" The boy's expression went completely blank. He sighed, took off his glasses, wiped them off, then put them back on. "I see. You are looking for Link. Well, sadly, I am not him. My name is Phillip Edward James Cauldronbottom the Fourth. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, miss... I'm sorry, I don't believe I have your name." Phillip held out his hand and Navi shook it as best as she could. "I'm Navi. Navi the fairy." The boy smiled. "A charming name for a charming young fairy." Navi blushed even more. "Oh, I bet you say that to all the fairies." Phillip turned to the door behind him. "Link is upstairs, most likely taking a nap."

Navi nodded. "Thank you very much, Phillip." Phillip waved to Navi as she flew through the door. "Ta ta, Navi the fairy! I hope that we may meet again in the future." Navi flew upstairs one last time, leaving Phil to read his book in peace.

* * *

Finally, she reached the last room. In this room, she saw another boy, looking exactly like the last three, but with a Green Tunic. The boy was asleep in his bed. Navi flew in closer and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him shifting, and grunting in his sleep. Navi knew exactly what was happening. "He's having a nightmare!" she thought to herself. "I better wake him up..."

She flew over to him and gently pulled at his hair in an attempt to wake him up. But he didn't budge. He was still asleep. She tried kicking him in the side, bouncing up and down on him and even biting him, but to no avail. Finally, she did what she should've done in the first place. Yell in his ear. "Hey! Wake up! Come on! Wake up!"

The boy tossed and turned in his sleep. He began to talk. "No... no! Please, not the deku stick! Please, Mido! I'm begging you! Don't!" It looked like he was about to cry. Navi flew all the way over to the other side of the room. "This oughta wake him up," she thought to herself. She flapped her wings as hard as she could and charged full blast into his gut. The boy's eyes shot open and he fell out of bed. He grabbed the frying pan next to him and started swinging it around wildly. "GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" He kept screaming over and over. Navi flapped her wings as hard as she could again and got him right in the cheek. The boy stumbled over a chest and fell on his back. Navi flew over to the boy who was curled up in the fetal position.

"Hey, kid. Are you alright?" Navi asked. The boy just shuddered. "Please... stop laughing at me... Saria... why won't you help me? Why are you laughing at me?" Navi felt a little sorry for the kid. I mean, he WAS the one in the village that was always picked on for not having a fairy, or so she was told. She flew up to his face and opened his eye up. As soon as one eye opened, the other eye did. The boy sat up, with the fairy still clinging onto his eyelid. His pained expression faded away and was replaced with a more surprised one.

Navi let go and floated next to his head. The boy stood up and looked at the fairy in amazement. "Wh-who are you? What are you doing here?" Navi held up a finger. "First thing's first. Are you Link?" The boy nodded his head. Navi flew around rapidly. "FINALLY! I've been looking all over for you!" Link gave her a confused look. "You were looking for me? Who are you?" Navi sat down on the table next to him. "I'm Navi. Navi the Fairy. Listen, I'd love to stay here and get all chatty with you, but the Great Deku Tree has summoned you. So, I'd like to get there while I'm still young." Link gave her another confused look. "The Great Deku Tree summoned me? Did he tell you what he wanted."

Navi's eyes turned to dots. She scratched the back of her head. "Uh... well... I... may have zoned out while he was explaining." Link rolled his eyes. "Okay. Could you... uh... wait outside? I'll be out in a minute." Navi shook her head. "Nuh uh. No way. I'm not gonna wait outside while you get some more sleep." Link sighed. "Then could you at least turn around?" Navi just gave him a blank expression. "I... don't get it." Link shrugged. "Alright. Stay, I guess." Link slowly began to take his tunic off. Navi's eyes widened and she turned around immediately. "Woah! Okay! Okay! I get it! I won't look!" Link chuckled a little bit. "I was wondering when you were gonna take a hint. I mean, what person in their right mind would want to see me getting changed? Y'know, unless they were hoping to catch a glimpse of my-"

**PINGAS!**

Link's eyes widened. So did Navi's. She immediately turned pink and flew all the way to the other side of the room. "You PERVERT! Why would you say that?! Ugh, the Deku Tree HAD to pair me with you?!" Link shook his head. "No, no, no! That wasn't me! I was gonna say-

**PINGAS!**

Link covered his mouth. Navi slowly backed over to the doorway. "I swear, that was NOT me! Besides, why would I show some random fairy my..."

**PINGAS!**

This time, Navi heard the voice too, and she realized it wasn't Link's. They both faced the doorway, only to find a middle-aged man, with a giant mustache, but no hair besides that. Link looked at him with a look that said 'Ugh, not this guy again.' Navi's look was more of a 'Who is this guy and why does he keep saying that word?' Navi flew back over to Link and whispered in his ear. "Not sure about you, but I think he may be gay." Link nodded. "I think he is. Why else would he be talking about..."

**PINGAS!**

Link sighed. "Would you stop doing that, Robotnik?" The fat man shook his head. "Nope. It's my thing. I gotta do it." A yell could be heard from downstairs. "There you are! Get down here!" Brad grabbed Robotnik and dragged him down into the room below. Link and Navi listened closer to the conversation. From what they could tell, Brad was really pissed. "Robotnik, get outta here before I kick you in the-"

**PINGAS!**

"OUT!"

Brad picked up the closest thing next to him, which was a pot, and threw it as hard as he could. Robotnik ducked and ran down the stairs as fast as his stubby feet could take him. Navi looked at Link, who was looking out of the window, watching the fat robot/man run. His eyes eventually left the window, and he glanced back over at Navi. "Wow," Navi began. "Brad has some anger issues." Link nodded. "I know." Link walked to his closet and got out a fresh new tunic. He turned back to the fairy, who was just staring at him.

"Ahem..."

Navi snapped back to reality. "Oh! I'm sorry. I'll just wait out here..." Navi flew outside as fast as she could, avoiding any eye contact with either Brad or Chuck. Once she got outside, she sat down on the railing and waited for Link to come outside. After about thirty minutes of waiting, Link finally came outside looking better than he did when Navi first saw him. Navi glared at him, obviously pissed at how long it took him to get out of there. "Took you long enough. What were you doing in there?"

"Hey, YOU try making breakfast for four people."

Navi backed up a bit. "Woah, what's with the sudden attitude." Link scratched the back of his head. "Brad's really been pushing my buttons lately. If it were up to me, I'd kick him out of my house, but, I need the money." Navi gave him a blank look. Link shook his head. "Nevermind, let's just go see the Deku Tree." Navi breathed a sigh of relief. "Finally..."

"Yahoo! Hi Link!"

**Zehro: I think that went pretty well.**

**Navi: It was pretty long, but I guess it makes up for the crappy prologue.**

**Zehro: Hey, the story was supposed to be serious until you made it into a humor story.**

**Navi: You mean a parody?**

**Zehro: I wouldn't call it a parody.**

**Link: WHY HAS NOBODY HELPED ME YET!?**

**Navi: Is that Redead still going after Link?**

**Zehro: Yep. I think I still have some donuts left. Want one?**

**Navi: Yes please.**

**Link: I HATE THE BOTH OF YOU!**

**Zehro: How's your arm? And your wings?**

**Navi: My wings are good, for now. My arm is broken and slowly healing. Damn, Tatl really did a number on me, but I got her back. Good.**

**Zehro: What'd you do?**

**Navi: Take a look.**

**Zehro: (looks over at Tatl)**

**Tatl: NAVI I'M GONNA F*CKING KILL YOU, YOU C**T LICKING SON OF A MOTHER F*CKER! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I AM GONNA-**

**Zehro: Sweet Nayru! That was harsh Navi.**

**Navi: Not as bad as what you did to Link. And besides, that b*tch had it coming.**

**Tatl: SHUT UP!**

**Tael: What the hell did you do to her?**

**Navi: Where the hell did you come from?**

**Zehro: Let's cut this off right here. Navi? Would you like to do the Outro?**

**Navi: Sure. Review, Favorite, Follow, we don't care.**

**Zehro: No flaming, or else I'll send a chainsaw-wielding Redead after you and watch it chase you around while I eat a box of donuts with a fairy!**

**Link: HE'S NOT KIDDING! AGH!**


	3. Ch 2: Let the Adventure Begin

**A/N: Exactly the number of reviews I was expecting. Zero! Nothing, Zip, Nada. Oh well, whether you like it or not, I'll keep doing this story. We left off at Link just exiting his house, only to find that someone was waiting for him when he stepped out.**

**Link: Wow, no reviews at all. That's just sad, man. I told you people wouldn't read this story.**

**Zehro: Didn't I send a Redead after you?**

**Link: A what?**

**Redead: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH !**

**Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!**

**Zehro: Oh, for the love of Nayru. (snap)**

**Redead: (EXPLOSION!)**

**Link: How did you...**

**Zehro: Author powers, now LET'S GET THIS ON THE ROAD!**

**Navi: Aren't you forgetting something?**

**Zehro: I'm tired, you do it...**

**Navi: Fine. Zehro the Demon Assassin does not own the Legend of Zelda series, or any other series mentioned in here. Now, that that's over, let's start the story!**

_Chapter 2: Let the Adventure Begin_

?: Yahoo! Hi Link!

Link: Huh?

Link looked down to see his old friend, Saria, at the bottom of the ladder, waving at him. (I'm not giving a description. You already know what she looks like) Link smiled, waved back, and made his way down the ladder.

(SNAP!)

Link: AAAAAAAAAHHH!

The ladder snapped, and Link fell. He hit the ground with a loud 'THUD.' Saria watched in horror as he hit the ground with a 'THUD' and a sickening 'CRACK'

Saria: Oh my goddess, are you okay?

Link: I'm fine! I'm fine. Just help me up.

Saria helped Link up. As he stood up and dusted himself off, he could hear the faint laughing of a certain fairy...

Navi: Bwahahahahahahahaha! Oh my goddess, that was so funny! I busted a gut, laughing!

Link: ….

Saria: Is that a fairy? Is she YOUR fairy?! You have a fairy, now? CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy for you!

Link: She's not my...

Navi: Yes, I'm his fairy! Nice to meet you, I'm...

Saria: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I'm so excited that you finally have a fairy now!

Link: You already said that. And thanks. I guess...

Navi: _Rude. _Link, come on. We need to get to the Great Deku Tree. Now!

Saria: The Great Deku Tree summoned you? You are SO lucky! Well, what are you standing here, talking to me for? Go see the Great Deku Tree!

Link: _You were the one who stopped me... _Yeah, I guess I'll be on my way. Bye, Saria. C'mon Navi.

Link ran off with Navi, leaving Saria behind, waving goodbye.

Saria: Goodbye Link, goodbye Link's fairy!

Navi: MY NAME IS NAVI YOU STUPID...

Link gave Navi a Death Glare. Navi shut up almost instantly. The two made their way towards the Grove of the Great Deku Tree, all the while receiving stares from the Kokiri they passed.

?: Is that Link? With a fairy?

?: Link has a fairy now?

?: That idiot has a fairy?

?: When did he get a fairy?

Link just ignored them and kept running towards the Deku Tree.

Navi: Alright, we're almost there. Keep going, Link.

Link: I can't wait to see what he...Oh no, not this prick again.

Link slowed down as he saw a small red-haired boy blocking his path. The boy called out to Link as he approached.

Mido: Hey, you! Mister No-Fairy! What's your business with the Great Deku Tree?

Link: Get out of the way, Mido. I'm here to see the Great Deku Tree.

Mido: You? HAH! What makes you think that the Great Deku Tree would summon a no-fairy loser like you?

Navi: Look, you little punk! It's my job to bring Link to the Deku Tree, and I'm not gonna let some stupid ginger get in my way! Now MOVE!

Mido: …..You...have...a fairy?! And you weren't lying about the Great Deku Tree summoning you?

Link: That's right, now let me pass.

Mido: WHAAAAAAAAT!? Why would he summon you, and not me? This is NOT funny!

Link: Any day now...

Mido: I don't believe you! You're not even equipped to help the Deku Tree. You need to have at LEAST a Sword and a Shield with you!

Link: YOU don't have them with you. So what makes you think the Deku Tree would ask for your help?

Mido: Uh...well, I guess you're right, but I'm not letting you past without a Sword and a Shield! SHEESH!

Link: Mido, this is bull crap. Let me through, NOW!

Navi: Wait, Link. As unreasonable as this little brat is...

Mido: HEY!

Navi: He's got a point. What if there's some kind of monster in there that you need to slay?

Link: Who's side are you on? Mine, or his?

Navi: Yours! Look, it's my job to look out for you. You wanna go in there and get yourself killed by Din-Knows-What, go right ahead. I won't stop you.

Link: Ugh, fine. I'll get a sword and shield. Mido, where can I find them?

Mido: Like I'd tell you!

Link: Fine, be that way.

Link walked off, pissed at Mido for sending him away. Where the hell was he gonna find a Sword and a Shield in the forest?! He jammed his hands in his pockets, hung his head, and began walking around, aimlessly.

Link: A Sword and Shield? A Sword...and a Shield... Where am I gonna find those in the forest? I can't believe Mido won't let me pass without them.

Saria: WHAT?! Mido won't let you see the Great Deku Tree?!

Link spun around in shock, surprised by the new voice, only to see that it was just Saria.

Link: Where did you come from? But, yeah. Mido won't let me pass without a Sword or a Shield.

Saria: Ugh, that bum. I don't know why he's so mean to everybody!

Link: _I can think of a few reasons..._

Saria: He's right, though.

Link was shocked to hear this come out of his friends mouth. Saria had NEVER admitted that Mido was right in her entire life! And naturally, Link was taken aback.

Link: Saria! Who's side are you on?!

Saria: Would you just listen to me? The forest...strange things have been happening lately. The forest isn't safe as it once was. You need a weapon.

Link: That's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a Sword and a Shield. Do you know where I can find them?

Saria: Well, I remember that the shop has a shield in stock. And I think I saw a sword at the Kokiri Training Grounds.

Link: The what?

Saria: Up there, next to the Know-It-All Brother's house.

Link: Oh, that place. Alright. Thanks, Saria.

Saria: No problem. I'll see you when you get back.

Link left Saria behind and made his way towards the shop. He entered the shop, and browsed the merchandise on the shelves.

Link: _Deku Nuts, Deku Sticks, Deku Seeds, Oooh a Heart. Maybe I can buy that for Saria on Valentines Day. Ugh, focus Link, you need that shield._

Shopkeeper: Can I help you?

Link: Uh, yeah. I need to get one of those shields.

Shopkeeper: Coming right up!

The Shopkeeper opened the door behind him and went inside. Link stood there waiting patiently. After about 5 minutes, the Shopkeeper finally came out with a dusty old shield. He blew the dust off and placed it on the counter in front of Link.

Shopkeeper: There you go! One genuine brand new never-before-used Deku Shield.

Link: If it's brand new, how come it's got dust all over it.

Shopkeeper: I introduced it to the Kokiri a few months ago, but nobody wanted it. So it's just been sitting in the back, collecting dust, waiting for someone to buy it.

Link: Alright, I'll take it. How much?

Shopkeeper: Forty Rupees.

Link: Forty Rupees? I could carve one of those shields in about 5 hours for free!

Shopkeeper: That's what they said when I showed it to them!

Link: I'll give you thirty rupees.

Shopkeeper: Forty.

Link: Thirty Five?

Shopkeeper: Forty!

Link: Fifty!

Shopkeeper: FORTY! Wait...

Link: Deal.

Shopkeeper: Argh! You tricked me! That's it. Fifty Rupees and you can have it!

Link: What?! That's insane!

Shopkeeper: Do you want it or not?

Link: _That's it. Time for some revenge._ Alright, you win. Let me just get my wallet...

Link turned away from the shopkeeper and pulled out one rupee from his wallet. He reached into his pocket and got a can of purple spray paint. He shook the can, sprayed the rupee all over, turned around and handed it to the shopkeeper.

Link: Here you go. Fifty Rupees

Shopkeeper: Just a second. Gotta make sure it's real.

The shopkeeper picked up the fake purple rupee and inspected it. He rubbed the surface, he sniffed it, he licked it, he even dropped it on the counter to see if it would break. Finally, he looked up at Link, picked up the shield, and handed it to him.

Shopkeeper: Pleasure doing business with you.

Link: You too. _Sucker!_

Link straps the shield onto his back and exits the building. He starts making his way over to the Know-It-All Brother's house, very content in getting the sword and helping the Deku Tree with whatever he needed.

He enters the house to find that the brothers were sitting around, reading books. Link walks up to one of them, and taps him on the shoulder. The brother looks up from his book, and stares at Link.

Bob: Oh, it's you. What do you want?

Link: Cut the crap. Do you know where I can find a Sword?

Bob: Of course I know. I am a Know-It-All Brother after all. See that hole over there in the Training Grounds?

Bob pointed out the window, and Link followed his finger. Then he saw it. In the wall, there was a crawlspace, almost big enough for him to crawl through.

Link: Yeah, I see it.

Bob: You'll find the sword you're looking for in there. By the way, earlier this morning, a fairy came in here looking for you. Did you run into her, by any chance?

Link: Don't even start with me about Navi. _Come to think of it, where is she?_

Link left the house, and made his way towards the crawlspace. Once he got to the crawlspace, he heard someone calling him. He turned around and there, floating in front of him, was his faithful fairy companion.

Navi: THERE YOU ARE! Where were you?! I've been looking all over for you!

Link: I could ask you the same thing. I was out getting what I need to get past Mido. I already got the shield and I'm going in there to get the sword.

Link pointed to the crawlspace. Navi looked at it with curiosity, with a look that says _'Have you lost your damn mind? There's nothing in there.'_

Navi: Have you lost your damn mind? There's nothing in there!

Link just ignored her and crawled inside. Navi sat in a nearby bush and waited for him.

_**Fifteen Minutes Passed**_

Navi: What is taking him so long? We're already late to see the Deku Tree.

?: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Navi: What in Din's Name was that!?

A loud, agonizing yell pierced the air. Navi was immediately up and alert, looking for the source of the sound. A second yell filled the air and burst Navi's eardrums. She again looked for the source of the sound.

Two minutes later, she heard a shuffling sound coming from the crawlspace. Out came Link, covered in cuts, bruises, and what seemed to be a dislocated shoulder. In his hands, he held the Kokiri Sword. He collapsed to the ground as soon as he was out of the crawlspace. Navi was horrified at what she saw.

Navi: Link? Link! Link are you alright?!

Link: Ngh...hurts...to...talk...

Navi: Don't worry Link, I'll go get help.

She flew off, leaving Link behind.

Link: _Is this what I'm gonna face when I 'help' the Deku Tree? In that case, I am NOT looking forward to it..._

_**Five Minutes Passed**_

Link was still on the ground, in pain. He could move, but every time he did, his body ached. He couldn't stand, he couldn't crouch. All he could do was lie there, waiting for Navi to come back.

Link: _Where is she? She should be back by now!_

?: Oh my goddess! LINK!

Link glanced up and saw Saria running towards him, a red potion in her hand. Alongside her, was none other than Navi.

Link: Saria...thank Nayru...you're here...

Saria: Here, drink this.

Saria propped Link's head up and held the potion in front of him to drink. Slowly, he lifted his arm, grabbed the bottle, and drank its contents. It tasted terrible, but his wounds were healed instantly. He was glad to be back to his old self. He looked up at Navi, who was floating next to Saria's head.

Link: What took you so long, Navi?

_**Flashback**_

**Navi was speeding through Kokiri Forest, looking for somebody to help Link. Of course, she wasn't looking where she was going, and ran right into another Kokiri.**

**Navi: Oh, I'm so sorry. I was just...**

**Navi looked down at the Kokiri. The Kokiri looked at the fairy. Instantly, Navi knew who she was, and, personally, wasn't too happy to see her.**

**Navi: Oh, it's you. Saria right?**

**Saria: Yeah. Aren't you Navy? Or Savvy? Tatl?**

**Navi: It's NAVI! I bothered to remember your name, why can't you remember mine?**

**Saria: That's rude! Look, do you know where Link is? I need to talk to him.**

**Navi: Link? LINK! Oh Din, I forgot about him! You gotta help me!**

**Saria: Why would I help you?!**

**Navi: He's hurt! We need to get a Red Potion.**

**Saria: I don't believe you.**

**Navi: JUST GET IT AND FOLLOW ME!**

**Saria: Fine!**

**Saria went back to her house, grabbed the Red Potion, and stepped out. Navi then guided her to Link's location. When they got there, Saria looked in horror, as she saw Link, lying there, not moving a muscle.**

**Saria: Oh my goddess! LINK!**

_**End Flashback**_

As Navi finished her story, Link slowly got back up, and dusted himself off. He looked at Saria, then at Navi, then back at Saria, then back at Navi. He closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed.

Link: Well, all that matters, is that I'm back to my old self. Navi, in the future, try to get along with Saria. And Saria, please don't get Navi mad.

Link leaned in closer and whispered in Saria's ear.

Link: (whispers) She's a bit of a hot head.

Saria giggled at this, while Navi turned a bright pink. Then a violent red. Now she was angry. Very Angry. She grabbed Link by the collar of his shirt and started tugging on it, indicating that they needed to get going.

Link: I guess I better get going. Bye Saria.

Saria: Bye Link.

Link, along with a furious Navi, left Saria behind and started making their way up to Mido, yet again. In the time they had left, to the time they had arrived in front of Mido, Navi had managed to calm down. But she was still pretty angry.

Mido: I thought I told you to beat it unless you have a...A Shield? Well, you still need...AND A SWORD?! GOOD GRIEF!

Link: I win this round. Now let me pass.

Mido: Argh! Fine! Just know this. I, the Great Mido, will never accept you as one of us! _Why did he have to be the favorite of both Saria AND the Great Deku Tree?!_

Mido stepped out of the way, and finally, Link made his way to the Deku Tree. Navi flew alongside him, still angry at Link.

Link: Navi, wait.

Navi stopped, turned around, and gave Link a death glare.

Navi: This had better be good! We're already late to see the Great Deku Tree! I don't want any more distractions!

Link: I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for that back there. Saria gets upset pretty easily, so I had to say something to calm her down.

Navi: So you insulted me just to get her in a better mood?

Link: I had no choice. I have to take Saria's side. She's my best friend. Trust me, if it was somebody else, then I would have taken your side instantly! I think of you as a good friend. Even though you have different thoughts about me, I hope we can still be friends.

Navi looked at Link. Link was focused on the ground whenever he apologized. He looked up slightly and saw her glow change from Red, back to her original color.

Navi: It's alright. I forgive you. Come on.

Link nodded his head, and ran forward to see the Deku Tree. Eventually, they came to the grove where the Deku Tree rests. The Tree had to be at least 100-150 feet tall, enormous roots, and what looked like a face on the front. Navi straightened and started to speak.

Navi: Great Deku Tree, I'm back. I have brought Link to you, as you requested. I'm sorry that I have taken so long. We have been sidetracked by many things, please forgive me.

GDT: I don't mind at all, my dear fairy. Link, welcome. Please, sit down.

Link did as he was told. Navi sat on Link's shoulder and listened as well.

GDT: Link, I have been watching over you for a while now. I see that you have a lot of potential in your body, and tremendous amounts of courage course through your veins. Which is why I bestow upon you, a task. I have been cursed. I need you to use your bravery to break this curse that has been cast upon me. Do you have the courage to undertake this task?

Link: I...I do, Great Deku Tree...

GDT: Then enter, brave Link, and break the curse that has been cast upon me. Navi, you will accompany...Navi?

Navi had zoned out again, a little bit of drool dripping from her mouth. Link shook her off his shoulder to shock her back to reality. Navi, now fully alert, was staring at the Great Deku Tree, waiting for him to tell her what do do next.

GDT: As I was saying, Navi, I want you to accompany Link in his task.

Navi: Task? What task?

Link: He wants me to go inside of him and break his curse. To put it simply.

Navi: Oh. Heh, I bet you're glad to have that sword and shield on your back.

Link: Come on Navi. Let's get going.

Link stood up, Navi at his side, and walked inside the Deku Tree, unaware of what he was about to face.

**Zehro: Aaaaaaaaaaand DONE! Whaddya think? Good or bad?**

**Navi: Well, it was pretty long.**

**Link: I still don't know how you were able to blow up that Redead.**

**Zehro: I told you, Author Powers.**

**Saria: I didn't like how you made me and Navi fight. We're actually pretty good friends.**

**Navi: Says who?**

**Saria: You mean, we're not friends?**

**Navi: According to the story, no.**

**Saria: Aw...**

**Link: I'm still your friend.**

**Saria: Thanks Link.**

**Link: Hey, how come I got hurt whenever I got the Sword? Were there Moblins in there? Or Stalfos? Or Deku Scrubs? Or Deku Babas? Or...**

**Zehro: A giant boulder.**

**Link: Excuse me? I think I'd remember if I was being chased by a giant boulder.**

**Zehro: Oh really? (snap)**

**(rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble)**

**Link: What was that?**

**(rumble, rumble, rumble)**

**Link: HOLY FARORE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!**

**Navi: Seriously? A boulder?**

**Zehro: What? It's funny!**

**Link: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!**

**Saria: LINK!**

**Navi: Zehro, you're pushing it!**

**Zehro: Ugh, fine. Ruin all my fun. (snap)**

**(boulder disappears)**

**Link: (pant) (pant) (pant) STOP DOING THAT!**

**Zehro: At least you're getting some exercise. Saria, would you do the Outro?**

**Saria: Fine. Review, Favorite, Follow, we don't care. Thank you for reading.**

**Zehro: No flames, or you shall feel the wrath of my giant boulder!**


	4. Ch 3: Inside the Deku Tree

**A/N: Hey, what's up guys? I'm back with the latest installment of my version of Ocarina of Time!**

**First, I wanna get serious for a second. I've been telling you guys to 'Review, Favorite, Follow, I don't care' but honestly, I really do care. I care a lot about reviews. Favorites and Follows, I could care less, but Reviews? That's what I'm really looking for.**

**And Second, this is gonna be sad. I'm actually moving. This is just a computer I use from time to time. I don't have a computer, and I'll be gone for a while. It's so sad that I start to write this story and THIS happens. I don't wanna put this story off. I don't want people to think the story is dead, or that I forgot about it.**

**Link: Aw, poor baby. Do you need a bottle?**

**Zehro: Don't push it, Link?**

**Link: Uh oh. Somebody's cranky.**

**Zehro: (snap)**

**(POOF)**

**Link: Aw, seriously? Not cool.**

**Navi: Hey guys, what's going o-**

**Link: ….**

**Zehro: ….**

**Navi: A baby costume? Really?**

**Zehro: HE STARTED IT!**

**Link: Navi, Zehro's being mean to me!**

**Navi: Not only does he look like one, he acts like one. Ironic.**

**Zehro: DISCLAIMER TIME!**

**Saria: Zehro the Demon Assassin does not own the Legend of Zelda Series or any other series that may be mentioned.**

_Chapter 3: Inside the Deku Tree_

Link and Navi both entered the Deku Tree. The ceiling was at least 100 feet above them. They both looked around the room, in amazement. Vines grew on the walls. Spiders made their home inside of the tree. And in front of them, they saw a humongous spider web covering a huge hole in the ground.

Link made his way towards the web, and studied it. It couldn't be broken by just stepping on it. Or even bouncing on it. There weren't any torches around, so he couldn't set it on fire. If only he could-

Navi: HEY!

Link: AHH!

Link was caught off guard. He was so deep in thought, he forgot all about Navi.

Link: What do you want?

Navi: It looks like there's something down there. The only question is, how do we get past this giant web.

Link: ….

He ignored the fairy's 'insight' and surveyed the room around him.

Link: _Hmm...Those vines seem pretty sturdy. I can probably climb those and get to...is that a ladder? What the heck is a ladder doing inside a tree? Was somebody here before me? Did the Deku Tree pick somebody else before me? Or did the Deku Tree just 'grow' those ladders? That'd be extremely weird if he just grew those. For that matter, how come..._

Navi: HEY!

Link: AHH!

Link was once again snapped out of his thoughts by the annoying fairy.

Link: WHAT?!

Navi: I said, 'If we jump from ALL the way up there (pointing up) and crash down into the web, we may have enough force to break through it.'

Link looked up to where Navi was pointing. He saw three large platforms and, of course, they were surrounded by spider webs. He traced a way up from where he currently was, taking note of the spiders he saw on the walls. He looked back up, then he looked at Navi. He looked at her with a look that said 'you're-f*cking-kidding-me-right?'

Link: So, your idea is for me to plummet to my death.

Navi: Have you not been paying attention? There's water underneath the web. If you jump from way up there, you'll fall through the web and into the water. Piece of cake.

Link was still unsure of her 'plan.' He had done plenty of stupid things in the past, but never something as life-threatening as this.

Link: Fine. Let's get going.

Link climbed up the ladder and made his way up, killing a few Deku Babas here and there, until he came across a chest. He opened it up and dramatically reached inside. And out he pulled...

Out-Of-Nowhere: DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Link: A...Map? That's all? A Map?

Navi: Not just any map, it's the Dungeon Map. It'll tell you your current position in a dungeon. The places marked in blue are rooms you've already visited.

Link: Uh...yeah...thanks...

Link tried climbing the vines in front of him, finding that they were actually very sturdy. He had gotten a few feet up before Navi chimed in again.

Navi: Link! Watch...

Link: Do you mind? I'm trying to-

He couldn't finish his sentence, because at that very moment, he was forced off of the vines, onto the unforgiving floor below him. 'THUD!'

Link: Ow! What the heck was that?

Navi: Maybe if you listened to me instead of just ignored me, you would know I was trying to warn you.

Link looked up and saw what she was warning him about. A Spider.

Link: You wanted to warn me about a spider?

Navi: They're called Skullwalltulas. A smaller, weaker version of a Skulltula. You can usually identify them by the Skull-Shaped armor on their backs. As the name suggests, they cling to the walls, mainly the ones you're supposed to climb on. So be careful with them.

Link: Well, I guess I can't go up that way without being knocked on my ass again. Let's go this way.

Link gestured toward the path in front of him. He continued forward until he came to a door, where Navi stopped him, yet again.

Navi: Did you know that you can open doors by-

Link: What're you stupid? I know how to open a door.

Link tried to open the door. He tried lifting it, pushing it, pulling it, even ramming into it. But it didn't budge. Finally, he gave up. He looked straight at Navi and said to her...

Link: It won't open!

Navi: Duh! That's because you have to press the 'A Button.'

Link: The 'A Button?' What in Din's name is an 'A Button?'

**Zehro: I got this. (press)**

The door opens and Link steps inside. Link's mind was completely blown. What had just happened? He couldn't open the door before, and now, it just opened. Frustrated, he decided to question the Author about-

**Link: Stop!**

**Zehro: May I help you?**

**Link: How did you just do that? How did you just get me through there? I tried everything, and then you somehow open it! What did you do!?**

**Zehro: I pressed the A Button.**

**Link: Again, what in Din's name is an 'A Button'**

**Zehro: I could tell you, but then I'd have to KILL you!**

**Link: Uh...**

**Zehro: BACK TO THE STORY!**

Navi: Link? Link!

Link: Huh? What?

Navi: Look! There's a treasure chest up there. Go and get it!

Link looked across the room and, true to her word, there was a treasure chest sitting right across the room. Excited to see what he'd get, he jumped onto the platform in front of him, then onto the ledge, all without missing a beat. 'CRASH!' The platform behind him collapsed. Ignoring it, he opened the chest. Inside, was a...

Out-Of-Nowhere: DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAA!

Link: Sweet! I got a Slingshot! Time to cause some mayhem!

Navi: Hey, genius. How are we supposed to get back?

Link: What're you talking about?

Navi: The platform collapsed, remembered? We have no way back out!

Link turned, and saw that there was really no way back. The only thing that stood between him, and the exit, was a VERY long jump.

Link: Meh, I'll find a way out later.

Navi: We need to get out of here, NOW!

Link aimed his slingshot, mindlessly. He wasn't thinking. He was just aiming.

Link: Would you relax, Navi? We're gonna find a way out, sooner or la-(FLING)!

On accident, he released the 'Sling' part of the Slingshot. The Deku Seed went sailing and hit the wall. Seconds later, right where the Deku Seed hit, a ladder dropped down, giving them a way out.

Link: (smirk) Told you we'd find a way out.

Navi ignored him and flew ahead. Link exited the room, and went back to the vines. He killed the Skullwalltulas that were there, and climbed all the way up. Once he got to the platform, he started slowly making his way to the edge. Only to be stopped by a Humongous Spider.

Link: SWEET FARORE! WHAT IS THAT?!

Navi: It's a Skulltula. Wait until it exposes it's underside. Then go in for the kill!

Link did as he was told and was able to kill the Skulltula. He walked to the edge, looked down, and gulped.

Link: Wow. We're pretty high up. Maybe this isn't a good idea.

Navi: Yes it is.

Link: But...

Link didn't have time to finish, as an unknown force pushed him off. Link was now plummeting towards his doom. He closed his eyes, waiting to hit the ground. But instead, he felt uncomfortably stick on the front of his body. He started falling down again, but this time he landed in the water. Navi flew down from where she was, and gloated at Link.

Navi: See? I told you! You're gonna think twice before rejecting my advice next time, aren't you?

Link didn't say anything. He got out of the water, and sat down to rest. Navi was growing impatient. Why was this boy taking his sweet time, while the Deku Tree is dying as they speak? She shrugged it off, and sat on Link's shoulder.

Link: (yawn) Man, I'm tired. Can I get a few minutes of rest?

Navi: Are you serious? We need to-

Link: Yeah, yeah. I know. But I'm just so tired...

Navi: Aw, boo hoo. Does Link need a widdle nappy-wappy?

Link: Hey, you try and do a dungeon with an annoying fairy companion constantly yapping in your ear.

Navi: You little prick. I oughta (yawn) tear you to...(yawn) pieces.

Link: See? Even you're tired. Is it so bad to take a break for at least 10 minutes?

Navi: _Ugh. He's right. Even I'm too tired to go on. Well, I guess I can take a few minutes off. _Alright, fine. But ONLY 10 minutes. Then we're doing the dungeon again.

Link: 10 minutes, I promise.

And just like that, they were asleep. Drifting off into Dreamland.

**Kirby: HAI GUYZ!**

**Zehro: OH GOD NO! Not that Dreamland!**

(In Link's Dream)

_Link: Huh? Where am I? Oh no, not again._

_There Link was. Again. Standing at the entrance of Hyrule Castle Town. The drawbridge slowly descending. It was nighttime, and it had just started to rain. The drawbridge came to a stop, right at his feet. In the distance, the sound of a horse's footsteps could be heard._

_Out in the distance, coming straight towards him, was a white horse, with two passengers on its back. Two girls. The older one looked like she was about 50 years old, while the younger one looked the same age as Link. The horse rode past him. The girl glanced back at Link, a look of distraught on her face._

_Link turned to face the town, and found another horse in front of him. A jet black horse, with a tall man on top of it. The man, obviously a Gerudo from the way he looked, glared at Link, and raised his hand in attack. Link couldn't move. He couldn't do anything. He stood there, helpless, waiting for his demise. And then, everything went white._

(End Link's Dream)

Link's eyes snapped open. He was in total shock. He couldn't see straight. He started to calm down, and focused his eyes on his surroundings. He was still in the Great Deku Tree. Still on his task, still with Navi. He just dozed off, that's all.

He gazed at the ledge in front of him. It was to high for him to reach. He wanted to wake up Navi, but was afraid he might upset her. He placed Navi on the ledge, where the block was, and used his hat for her bed. He let her rest there while he figured out another way around.

_**Close to Thirty Minutes Later**_

Navi woke up to find herself in the softest bed she had ever been in. She was extremely comfortable. She felt like she never wanted to get up.

Navi: _This bed feels amazing. If only Link could feel how...LINK!_

Her eyes snapped open. Her wings fluttered and she flew up. She was in darkness, and couldn't find her way out. She was lost, without Link or anybody else to help her. Then suddenly...

?: Navi!

Navi: (Gasp) Who said that?

The 'voice' grabbed the hat off of the fairy. The fairy turned around to see who had freed her from the 'darkness,' but instead, saw the same face she sees always.

Link: Are you alright?

She didn't hear him. She just stared at the hat that he held in his hand

Navi: I was in your hat?

Link: Yep. You were flying around with it, so I took if off of you.

Navi was embarrassed. She really had no idea where she was when she woke up. Now that she knew she was just in Link's hat, she couldn't help but be embarrassed. She turned bright pink, and turned away from Link in an attempt to hide it, but she quickly remembered that she was 'glowing' pink. So Link could clearly see her. He just laughed.

Link: Don't be so embarrassed. If I were you, I would've freaked out also.

Navi: J-just forget it. Let's get this done and over with.

Link shrugged his shoulders and walked over to the other f*cking huge spider web. He stared past it and saw that there was water underneath. He turned to Navi.

Link: Looks like we won't repeat our last plan.

Navi: Why don't you just set it on fire?

Link: Oooh, great idea. Set a fire inside of a tree. Nothing says 'Your Curse Is Broken' like setting a humongous tree on fire.

Navi: Do you really have any other ideas?

Link: …...

Navi: That's what I thought. Now burn that web and lets end this.

Link did as he was told. He grabbed a Deku Stick and lit it on fire with the nearest torch. He ran back over to the web, rolled on it, and set it on fire. Shortly after, he fell into the water below. He dragged himself to shore, and layed himself on the ground.

Navi: Well, there's good news and bad news. Which one do you want first?

Link: _Which one do you think?_ Good news, please.

Navi: Well, the good news is, we're at the Boss Door.

Link: Well, at least we're almost done.

Link looks up and sees that the door has bars on it. He looks at Navi, realizing that THAT is what she meant. He stood up and dusted himself off.

Link: I'm guessing that's the bad news?

Navi: You're half-right.

Link: Then what's-

(THUD) (CLUNK) (THUNK)

He was cut off by three Deku Nuts. The first one hit his gut. The next one hit his head. And the final one hit him in his "Deku Nuts." (if you catch my drift) The wind was knocked right out of him, and he fell to the ground. Writhing in pain.

Navi: Link, get back up. It's just a Deku Nut. It's never hurt you before.

Link: Easy for you to say. You aren't the one that got hit in a place where the sun doesn't shine.

Navi: Whatever. You know what to do right?

Link: Huh?

Navi: Don't you remember that Deku Scrub you defeated? The one that told you the secret numbers?

_Flashback_

_**Deku: AGH! You got me! Please, let me live.**_

_**Link: Why should I?**_

_**Deku: If you do, I'll tell you a secret.**_

_**Link: A secret? Well, alright.**_

_**Deku: Remember this: 2-3-1 Twenty Three is Number One!**_

_End Flashback_

Link: Oh, that guy. He said something about Twenty Three and the number one.

Navi: 2-3-1. Twenty Three is Number One. There are 3 Deku Scrubs in front of you. Do the math.

Link thought for a minute. Then another. Then another. Navi was getting impatient, and decided to ask him what was taking him so long.

Navi: WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG! It's not that hard of a riddle!

Link: Really? Then tell me! My mind is drawing a blank.

Navi was extremely angry now. She spoke through her teeth as she grinded them together.

Navi: Hit...them...in...order...2-3-1! The Second, The Third, then The First.

Link: Oh. I knew that.

Link took out his shield and deflected the Deku Nuts back. Hitting them in order, 2-3-1. The first one jumped out and started running around. Link caught up to him.

Deku: How did you figure out our code?! How annoying! I guess I'll have to tell you the secret of how to beat Queen Gohma.

Link: Why would you-

Link was cut off by Navi pulling at his ear. She silently yelled into it.

Navi: (whispers) You idiot! Don't tell him that! Deku Scrubs are dumb enough already!

Link: (whispers) Alright fine, I'm sorry. (normal voice) Alright, what is it.

Deku: Aim for the Eye! Oh, Queenie, sorry about that!

He ran off, leaving Link behind. Link turned around and saw that the bars on the door had disappeared. He opened the door and stepped inside. The door locked behind him. He had no way back out.

He slowly walked forward into an empty room, surrounded by a thin layer of fog. Above him, he could hear a faint rustling noise. Thinking nothing of it, he continued to walk around the room. No boss in sight.

A growl came from out of nowhere. Link looked around to see where it had come from. He looked all around, but nothing was there. He turned to Navi, who was floating next to him.

Link: Was that you?

Navi: Was 'what' me?

(growl)

Link: There it is again.

Navi: You're hearing things, Link. I don't hear anyth...What's that on your arm?

Link: Huh?

Link looked down and saw a greenish-goo on his arm. It stung. Badly. Link quickly wiped it off. And it was only replaced by more of it. Dripping from up above. Slowly (and dramatically), Link and Navi looked above them. To their horror, they saw a giant beast above them, venom dripping from it's fangs.

Link and Navi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

The monster dropped down from the ceiling and landed right in front of the duo. It let out a blood-curdling scream, and started to attack. Link dodged the first attack, and ran around the room. When he had finally gotten out of sight of that beast, he decided to consult Navi on what to do.

Link: What is that thing and how do I kill it?!

Navi: That's Queen Gohma! Don't you remember what the Deku Scrub said? Aim for the eye!

Link took out his slingshot, aimed it at the eye of the Gohma Queen, and let loose a Deku Seed. It hit her, dead-on. Link charged forward, sword in-hand, and lunged at the monster. He attacked a few more times, but it got up and started making it's way towards the ceiling again. Then it stopped. It started making some weird gurgling noises, then out dropped baby Gohmas. Link watched in horror.

Link: Ugh! That's SICK!

Navi: For once, we actually agree on something.

Link quickly defeated the Gohmas, and Queen Gohma descended from the ceiling, yet again. Link aimed his slingshot at the eye. He fired, but missed by a hair, and was hit. A glancing blow, nothing to be worried about.

Gohma reared up for another attack, but Link dodged it, narrowly. Slingshot in hand, he pulled back, waited for her to get close, and fired. Another missed shot. Gohma reared back and attacked Link yet again. This one connected, full on. He was knocked to the ground. His shield lay far away, and his sword was just in reach. He tried to get up, but couldn't. He was too injured.

Queen Gohma charged at Link, while he was down, and attacked. Link grabbed his sword just in time as he was knocked back into a wall. Link was getting weaker by the minute. He slowly stood up, grabbed his slingshot one more time, and aimed. Gohma charged at him. Link fired the slingshot, hoping this time he wouldn't miss. Success! He hit Gohma in the eye.

Link grabbed his sword, and ran forward. With the last of his strength, his thrust his sword into the eye of the monster. Queen Gohma let out another blood-curdling scream. And fell to the floor. Blood gushed out of its body, as it was slowly being eaten away by blue fire, until finally, the body disappeared.

What was left of Gohma was a heart container, and a shining blue light. Link picked up the Heart Container. It felt warm. It glowed brighter and brighter, then vanished. Link felt stronger. He slowly stepped into the blue light and started to ascend. All his wounds were healed. And everything went white.

**Zehro: Alright, first boss down, a sh*t-load more to go!**

**Link: I was BADASS out there!**

**Zehro: Says the guy in a baby costume.**

**Link: You know, I'm a little disappointed, Zehro. Out of all the Author Powers you have, you choose to use the one that makes me look like a baby. That's weak.**

**Zehro: You're right. I'm ashamed. Here let me fix it. (snap)**

**Link: That's bet-(POOF) WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!**

**Zehro: Much better.**

**Saria: ZEHRO! You turned Link into a baby?**

**Zehro: I know, genius right?**

**Saria: NO! Not at all! Why do you insist on being so hard on him?**

**Navi: Yeah! Lighten up!**

**Zehro: Man, you two always ruin my fun. I'll be glad to be rid of you in the next chapter, Saria.**

**Saria: What?!**

**Zehro: Uh, nothing. Care to do the Outro, Baby Link?**

**Baby Link: nsodsntokwenosalnxoanwoneknd soinasdfasgegfwetczxvdswt**

**Saria: Uh...**

**Navi: He said 'Thank you for reading. Please Review, Follow, and Favorite. We'd really appreciate it if you did."**

**Zehro: Note, this is coming from Link. Not me.**

**Baby Link: WSONAR!**

**Navi: That means 'NO FLAMES!'**

**Zehro: Oh, one more thing. I wanna give a shout out to Lance Corporal Avocado for reviewing my story. Lance, thanks for your support. I will reveal what Navi did to Tatl in the next chapter.**


	5. Ch 4: Leaving the Forest Behind

**A/N: This chapter has been edited due to the fact that it just wasn't good enough. Now, let's redo this chapter.**

**Link: daowensowerlonuscutfart**

**Zehro: Oh, I forgot, you're still a baby. Heh. Still funny.**

**Saria and Navi: CHANGE HIM BACK!**

**Zehro: NO! You're not the boss of me!**

**Saria: Zehro, you had better-**

**Navi: Saria, I got this. Alright Zehro, change Link back, or I'll do to you what you did to Tatl.**

**Zehro: You don't scare me, cause compared to me, you...**

**Navi: (sprinkles magic dust on self)**

**Zehro: You...you...you...are the same height as me...**

**Navi: Lasts for 5 minutes. Just enough time, too.**

**Zehro: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! (snap)**

**(poof)**

**Link: I'm back! I'M BACK!**

**Zehro: For now at least.**

**Saria: What did you do to Tatl, Navi?**

**Navi: Uh...heheh, funny story, actually...uh... you see...uh... (whisper to Link) Link get me out of this, please.**

**Link: (whisper to Navi) On it. (Speaks) Hey Saria, does this Deku Baba bite look infected to you? (shows bite to Saria)**

**Saria: Link, now is not the...Oh my goddess! Why didn't you treat this earlier? Here, let me go get my First Aid Kit. (runs off)**

**Link: Saria is like the mother I never had. Always worrying about me, always wanting what's best for me...**

**Navi: Thanks for bailing me out with that fake Baba bite.**

**Link: Oh, that wasn't fake. It's really an infected bite.**

**Navi: And you haven't treated it? Are you crazy?**

**Link: You sound like Saria now.**

**Navi: Oh, shut up!**

**Zehro: (ahem) We need to get the story started.**

**Navi: But what about...**

**Zehro: He'll be fine. Now lets start it.**

**Saria: I'm here! I'm here! Don't worry, Link, I'll make it all better.**

**Zehro: Saria, do the disclaimer.**

**Saria: But...**

**Zehro: NOW!**

**Saria: Fine! Zehro the Demon Assassin does not own the Legend of Zelda series.**

**Zehro: One more thing. I will be indicating serious parts in this story. It's something new I wanna try. If you don't like it, skip over it.**

_Chapter 4: Leaving the Forest Behind_

[Setting: Uh...A White Space. Like a void. Or maybe a dream.]

[Begin Serious Moment]

_Link was floating in the middle of nowhere. All he saw around him was white. He didn't see anything else. Navi was nowhere to be found._

_Suddenly, a figure materialized in front of him. A young boy around his age. The boy had brown hair, green eyes, and pointed ears, just like Link. The boy had a worried look on his face. He stared at Link like he was seeing a ghost. Finally, he spoke._

_?: You...have been chosen..._

_Link: What? Who are you?_

_?: You...you have been chosen...by the goddesses...you are their chosen hero..._

_Link: The goddesses chose me? But I'm just a kid. I can't be a hero._

_?: You are their only hope..._

_The atmosphere around him dimmed. The boy disappeared. Link's eyes were forced shut. And he heard a very familiar voice._

Navi: Link? Link!

His eyes darted open. He looked around him. He was back in the Grove of the Deku Tree. He thought back to his dream. That boy. Something was strange about him. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

He thought about what the boy said. About how he was the Chosen Hero, picked by the goddesses themselves. Him? The chosen hero? He couldn't believe it, and he didn't. It was a lie. Just a dream. He was not the hero. He was 'Link of the Kokiri.' Not 'Link, Hero Chosen By Goddesses.'

He snapped himself out of his thoughts and back to reality. Navi was floating above him. She actually looked...worried. He ignored it. He was still trying to figure out exactly what had happened in his 'dream.' His thoughts were interrupted by a booming voice.

?: Well done, Link. You have done a great job.

Link stood up, looked at the tree and smiled, even though his thoughts weren't focused on the tree.

GDT: I was right to trust you with this task. However you are too late.

Link's smile quickly vanished, and was replaced with a frown. He was too late to save the Deku Tree. Navi shot him a Death Glare. She was incredibly angry.

Navi: Link! This is all your fault! I TOLD you we'd be late to save the Deku Tree! You just had to take your time with everything!

GDT: Do not blame him, Navi, for it isn't his fault. I was doomed before I even told you to find him. Link, as I have said before, you have tremendous amounts of courage coursing through your body. Which is why I give you a quest of sorts. I want you to go see Princess Zelda, in Hyrule Castle. Show this gem to her, and you'll know what to do next. This is my final wish.

A bright green light shone in front of Link. And out of it, materialized a green gem with gold trimming. Link slowly grabbed the gem, and put it in his bag. He looked back at the Deku Tree as he spoke again.

GDT: Navi, please. Look after Link on his quest. Link, listen to Navi when she has something to say. I...entreat ye...Navi...goodbye...

Leaves started falling from the mighty tree. A creaking sound filled the air as the Deku Tree's color began to descend from light brown, to dark gray. And then, Silence. He was gone. Link felt terrible inside. Knowing that he couldn't save the Deku Tree at all. The Kokiri would blame him for this. They always do.

Navi was silent. She was completely heartbroken. The Deku Tree was dead. All she had now was Link. She looked over at Link and spoke, slowly.

Navi: ….Link...let's go to Hyrule Castle and see Zelda!

Link nodded his head and walked back to Kokiri Forest. Navi followed behind him, then stopped. She turned around, and looked at the Deku Tree, one last time. A single tear dripped from her eyes.

Navi: Goodbye...Great Deku Tree...

She hurried off and caught up to Link.

[End Serious Moment]

Link walked back into the Kokiri Forest, Navi by his side. Of course, Mido was standing in their way, glaring at them. He stopped the duo and spoke with an irritated voice.

Mido: Link? Why do you look so sad? What happened in there?

Link: It's a long story, Mido. Please, just let me pass.

Mido saw the look on Link's face and took a 'shot-in-the-dark' at what might be bothering him.

Mido: The Great Deku Tree...Did he...die?

Link went wide-eyed at the word. Mido knew that he got it right. And he started cursing Link out.

Mido: HE DIED?! Why did you do that?!

Link: Mido, it's not my fault. I...

Mido: It entirely IS your fault! You KILLED the Deku Tree! You murdered the Guardian of our Forest! Ooooh, when I tell the Kokiri about this, they will run you out of this village and you'll be banned forever!

Link: I'm leaving anyway, now get out of my way!

Mido: I don't think so!

Link: MOVE!

Mido: MAKE ME!

That's all Link needed to hear. He took his foot, and with all his might, he kicked Mido in the "Deku Nuts." Mido let out a shriek of pain and fell to the ground. Link ran past him and made his way towards his house. He climbed up as fast as he could and rushed inside. Inside his house, Brad, Chuck and Phillip were all waiting for him. All with serious looks on their faces.

Link: What's going on, here?

Phillip: Link, we know that it was you.

Brad: You son of a b*tch! I'm gonna kill you!

Chuck: I thought you were my bro, man!

Link was shocked. How did they know already? He just ran away from the only boy who knew that the Deku Tree was dead. He quickly tried to make up an excuse, but thought of nothing. He sighed, looked at all three of them, and confessed.

Link: Alright, I did it. I'm sorry. I just-

Chuck: I KNEW IT! I knew you were the one who scratched my signed copy of 'Sorry for Party Rockin!'

Link: I didn't mean to, it just...wait what?

Phillip: And you were the one who tore up my book, 'The Origin of the Sheikah!' And I was 'THIS' close to finishing it! (shows how close he was)

Link: I...uh...

Brad: And it was YOU who broke my sword! Signed by Princess Zelda herself! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!

Phillip and Chuck held Brad back as he viciously tried to attack Link. Link was obviously confused. He didn't do any of that stuff. He was innocent. Well, he was guilty of killing the Deku Tree, but he was innocent in this case.

Link: Guys, I didn't do that stuff.

Brad: You got some nerve, Link. Coming here, admitting that you ruined all our stuff, but now you say you didn't!

Link: But I didn't do it!

Chuck: Get out! GET OUT OF HERE!

Phillip let go of Brad's arm, grabbed Link's stuff and threw it out of the door. His clothes, his belongings, his pictures of Saria. Every single one of Link's possessions were thrown out the door.

Link: HEY! Watch it. You almost hit me!

Brad: Speaking of which...

Brad broke free of Chuck's grip and punched Link in the face. Link stumbled backwards and fell out of his house. He landed on his stuff, which sorta cushioned the fall. Brad poked his head out of the window.

Brad: AND NEVER COME BACK!

Link: Brad! This is MY house! You, Chuck and Phillip are the ones who moved in!

Brad: I DON'T CARE!

Link couldn't believe it. He was being kicked out of his own house! He grabbed his belongings and stuffed it into his magic, never-ending pocket. Before he left, he shouted back up to everybody in HIS house.

Link: ASSHOLES! THIS ISN'T OVER!

He ran towards the exit of the forest when he was stopped by somebody else. The red-haired boy that always blocked the way. (Let's call him John)

John: Dude! Where are you going?! The outside of the Kokiri Forest is dangerous! You can't leave.

?: He deserves to leave!

Link turned around and saw Mido behind him. He looked extremely pissed.

Mido: Link! I want you out of this forest, now! Not tomorrow! Not in 5 minutes! NOW! John, kick him out!

John: But, he'll die if he leaves!

Mido: I don't care! He deserves to die after he killed the-

Link interrupted Mido with another kick to the 'Deku Nuts.' Little did he know, Mido was prepared. Mido had run home and got a cup to protect himself. He smirked at Link and continued speaking.

Mido: As I was saying, Link deserves to leave after he-

Link: Uh...Mido?

Mido: WHAT?!

Link: You might wanna turn around before you get hurt.

Mido: Pfft! You don't scare me Link.

Link: I'm not talking about me.

Navi: MIDO! Leave Link alone!

Mido: I'm not scared of you either, Navi. Now, if there are no more distractions, John, you'll be happy to know that Link is the one who killed-

?: KEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Mido: Huh?

By an unknown force, Mido was hit and knocked all the way back to his house. A loud 'CLANG' rung throughout the forest. Link was impressed! Whatever just hit Mido saved his ass from being ratted out. And so, he left the forest.

[Begin Serious Moment Number 2]

Link walked into the tunnel. All that stood between his home, and Hyrule, was a bridge. Navi had flown ahead in an attempt to see what they were going to face out there. He slowly started walking, but was stopped by a voice that called out his name. Link turned around and saw that it was his friend, Saria. Link was relieved to see her, but sad at the same time. Saria walked up to him, and spoke.

Saria: Y...You're leaving?

Link: Yes, I am.

Saria: Why?

Link saw that she was on the brink of tears. It broke his heart to see her so sad, but he had to leave. It was the Deku Tree's final wish that he go meet Princess Zelda.

Link: It was the Deku Tree's..._Should I tell her? Does she even know yet? How will she react?_

Saria: It was the Deku Tree's 'what?'

Link sighed, knowing that he had to tell her the truth. She wouldn't like it, but she had to know.

Link: It was his final wish.

Saria: Final wish? You mean he's...

Link nodded his head. Saria gasped. The Deku Tree was dead? Impossible! The Deku Tree can't die! Another reason for her to be sad. The Guardian of the Forest was dead, and her best friend was leaving her. It was all too much for her to handle. Before she could say anything, Link spoke again.

Link: I didn't mean to kill him. He told me to break his curse. He said it would heal him. But I was too late. I couldn't save him. Now thanks to me, he's dead, and I'm leaving my home without a Guardian. It's all my fault.

Saria saw how much this whole situation was hurting Link. She walked over to him and put her arm around his head, sympathetically. She knew it wasn't his fault. It was something he couldn't control.

Saria: It's not your fault. You couldn't control it. I know you didn't mean to kill the Great Deku Tree. You did what you could, and that's all that matters.

Link: Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.

They both stood there in silence for a few minutes, mourning the loss of the Deku Tree. Saria's mind was filled with fears of what was to become of the forest without it's proper guardian. She was wondering if the others knew about it. She also feared of what they had said or done to Link.

Finally after about 3 minutes of silence, Saria spoke up.

Saria: I always knew that you'd leave some day. Because you're different than me and everyone else.

Link was shocked. He knew that he was different. Everybody (mainly Mido) told it to him that on a daily basis. But coming from Saria? That hurt him. He hung his head and jammed his hands into his pockets. Saria saw his reaction and quickly added to it.

Saria: But, that's okay. Because we'll still be friends, won't we?

Link didn't answer, he just stayed silent. Saria took this time to reach into her pocket, and pull out her family heirloom: The Fairy Ocarina. She held it in her hands and looked at Link. She spoke softly and slowly.

Saria: Link, I want you to have this.

Link looked up and saw the ocarina in her hands. He looked up at Saria, then back to the instrument.

Saria: It's my special family heirloom. My grandmother passed it on to my mother, who passed it on to me. And now, I'm giving it to you. Please, take it.

Link: Saria, you don't have to give me this.

Saria: I don't have to. But I want to. Please, take it.

Link reached for it, then pulled his hand back. He wasn't sure he should take it or not. Saria insisted, but he didn't want to take her family's ocarina away. He placed a hand on the ocarina, gripped it, then slowly, and hesitantly, took it. Saria smiled at him. He smiled back.

Saria: Link, play this song whenever you want to talk to me.

Saria proceeds to sing her song. Link mimicked the song on the Ocarina. The way Saria reacted as he played told him that he got it right. Link put up the ocarina and looked back at Saria.

Saria: When you play this ocarina, I hope you'll think of me, and come back to visit.

Link: I promise Saria, I will come and visit.

She smiled at him again. Her smile quickly turned to a frown as he began to walk away. She didn't want him to leave, even though he had to. She bit her lip and tried to think of another thing she could say to stop him. The fact that he was leaving made her even more sad. She was about to completely lose it. She was on the verge of tears. He was just about to exit, and that's when she lost it.

Saria: Link, wait!

Link stopped and turned to face Saria. She ran up to him and hugged him tightly. Tears rolled down her cheek and onto his tunic. He was stunned. He didn't know how to react. He had never seen Saria this way, and he didn't know what to do. He just hugged her back and stood there with her. She looked at him, her eyes red from the tears.

Saria: Link, please don't go! Please! I'll miss you...

Link: I have no choice Saria, I have to leave. I'll miss you too, but I promise you, I'll be back.

She wasn't convinced. She looked at him and with a very serious look on her face. Her tears were still falling. Her gaze pierced through him. Link felt uncomfortable. What had he done wrong? Then she spoke.

Saria: You will?

Link: Yes, I will.

Saria: Promise?

Link: Promise.

She looked at him, then smirked. She held up her pinkie in front of him.

Saria: Pinkie Promise?

Link laughed at what she had said. She laughed too. Link took his pinkie and wrapped it around hers.

Link: Pinkie Promise.

That convinced her. She knew Link never broke his promises. She was about to let him out but pulled him in closer. Link was confused. What was she doing? She looked up at him with a smile on her face. The tears had stopped falling, but her eyes were still red. Link had smiled back at her. She leaned in closer. He was confused. She closed her eyes. What was she doing? She puckered her lips. His eyes widened. She was about to kiss him. She was about to kiss him and he was terrified.

[End Serious Moment Number 2]

Just then, a familiar glow zoomed past his face along with another glow. It was Navi, but she was...fighting with someone? Link hadn't noticed it. He was too worried about what's going on in front of him. Saria didn't notice it either and kept leaning in closer, waiting to meet his lips. Navi saw Link and cried out for help.

Navi: LINK!

Link: Huh?

Saria opened her eyes, and saw the fight.

Saria: What's going on? _Dammit! So close._

?: I told you I'd get you back, Navi! PREPARE TO DIE!

Saria let Link go, and he broke up the fight between the two fairies. Navi was beaten up, badly. The other fairy had a yellow glow, and looked SERIOUSLY pissed. She looked at Link and smirked.

?: Long time no see, Mr. Hero.

Link: Huh?

**Link: WOAH WOAH WOAH! Time out! Is that who I think it is?**

**Zehro: Yep. It's her.**

**Link: But what's she doing HERE?! This Link doesn't even know her until AFTER his quest is finished.**

**Zehro: I thought it'd be funnier if I added her in.**

**Link: But...**

**Zehro: Enough talk. BACK TO THE STORY!**

**Link: I'll be back.**

**Zehro: Where are you going?**

**Link: You'll see.**

?: You don't remember me? Do you?

Link: Uh, No. We've never met.

_[Background Change]_

Link: What the?

Link was approached by a man, about 19 years of age. He looked just like Link. Why? Because he IS Link. Adult Link.

Young Link: What the...

Adult Link: No time to explain. Stand still.

Young Link: For what?

Adult Link had a glowing white ball in his hand. He threw it as hard as he could at his younger self. Young Link dodged just in time. The ball bounces off of the wall behind him and hits him in the back of the head. Instead of feeling pain, he felt the ball drilling into his head, into his brain. Suddenly, he knew who that Yellow Fairy was. It was Tatl. A yellow fairy from another adventure of his.

The background began to change again and he was back on the bridge with Saria, and the two fairies.

_[Back to the Story]_

Tatl: You don't remember me, do you?

Link: Tatl? What're you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Termina?

Tatl: I came over to Hyrule because I had some 'unfinished business' with Navi.

Navi: LET ME GO YOU PSYCHO!

Tatl: Not until I get my revenge.

Saria: What did Navi do to you?

Tatl: Well, for starters, she...

**(STATIC)**

**Navi: ZEHRO! What did you do?!**

**Zehro: Why do you always think it's me?!**

**Saria: Because you always mess the story up.**

**Zehro: ...Wow. Cutting deep, Saria. Cutting deep.**

**Link: What did you do?**

**Zehro: How should I know?!**

**Link: Stand up.**

**Zehro: What?**

**Link: STAND UP!**

**Zehro: Okay, okay! (stands up) I don't see what the big deal is...**

**Link: (picks up remote) How do you explain this?**

**Zehro: ...**

**Navi: You sat on the remote?! You idiot!**

**Saria: Uh, guys?**

**Link: What?**

**Saria: ...**

**Link: AGH! Fix the channel! FIX THE CHANNEL!**

**(Turns back to story)**

Tatl: And THAT'S why I want revenge!

Saria: NAVI! You did that to her?

Navi: What?! NO! I never did a single thing like that!

Tatl: Oh, yes you did. And it's time for you to pay! Oh, and Link, your welcome.

Link: Huh?

Tatl: I was the one who punched Mido all the way to his house to save your butt.

Link: That was you? I mean, LEAVE NAVI ALONE!

Tatl: NEVER!

Before Tatl could say anything else, a purple fairy burst in and pulled Tatl off of Navi. Tatl spun around and almost punched the purple fairy in the face, but stopped as soon as she saw that it was her brother.

Tatl: What do you want, Tael? Can't you see I'm busy?

Tael: Sis, leave this fairy alone.

Tatl: I will NOT leave her alone. Don't you remember what she did to me?

Tael pulled his sister in close and whispered in her ear.

Tael: (whisper) Link is here with Navi right now. He'll stop you immediately if you try and attack her. You need to wait and get her when she's alone.

Tatl: (whisper) That's brilliant. I'll go with that plan. (out loud) Alright. I'll back off, but this isn't over, Navi.

The two fairies fluttered off, leaving Navi, Link, and Saria in shock. They stood there for 5 whole minutes until Navi finally spoke up.

Navi: Uh...Link? We should get going now.

Link: Agreed. Bye Saria.

Saria: (sadly) Bye Link.

Saria hung her head. She shed a few tears, and started making her way back to the forest. Link felt bad when she said that. Without warning, Link grabbed her by the wrist. She turned around and looked at him. He stared into her forest-green eyes. She stared into his ocean-blue eyes.

Slowly, he leaned in. She did the same. He closed his eyes. She did the same. He puckered his lips. She did the same. Their faces were mere inches apart, until Navi flew in front of them, stared straight at Link and yelled at him.

Navi: Link! We don't have time for this right now! You can get all 'lovey-dovey' with her whenever you get back! Now MOVE IT!

Link: _Alright, that's it. Whenever we get to the Castle, I am SO ditching her._ Fine. Bye Saria (wink)

Saria: Bye Link. (winks back)

He ran off with Navi by his side, leaving Saria, the forest, and his whole life, behind him. Saria shed another tear and went back to the village.

**Zehro: Done, and done.**

**Link: ….**

**Navi: ….**

**Saria: ….**

**Zehro: What?**

**Link: WHY DID YOU KICK ME OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE?!**

**Navi: Why did you put Tatl into the story?!**

**Saria: Why did you keep getting between my kiss with Link!?**

**Link: (blush)**

**Zehro: Link, I kicked you out of the house because I needed a good reason for Phillip, Brad and Chuck to kick you out. What better way than to ruin their favorite things? Navi, I put Tatl in the story because I wanted to see you two go at it. And Saria, I'm TEASING the audience. Especially those "LinkxSaria" fans out there.**

**Link: Dude! What am I supposed to do? Go into Castle Town and BUY their favorite things back?**

**Zehro: Hey, that's not a bad idea. Getting the Album signed by the Artist? Finding a rare copy of 'Origin of the Sheikah?' Getting a sword signed by Princess Zelda? Great idea. You gave me an idea for a chapter.**

**Link: NO! Do NOT make me do ALL of that! And by the way, 'Serious Moments?' This is a PARODY story. Not a 'Serious Story.'**

**Zehro: Hey, you may have convinced me to make this a humor story, but it's still MY story.**

**Link: It's a parody.**

**Zehro: Compared to what I've seen. No, it isn't. Anyways, this was SUPPOSED to be a serious story until you MADE it into a humor story. So I'm gonna add whatever I damn well please.**

**Navi: Lighten up on him, Zehro!**

**Saria: You got a lot of nerve to pick on him.**

**Zehro: That's it, I'm done with you. (snap)**

**(POOF)**

**(Saria Disappears)**

**Link: SARIA!**

**Zehro: Don't worry. You'll see her again. But for now, say Hello to the NEWEST Girl in your life.**

**Link: Zelda?**

**?: Nope! Nice to see you again, fairy boy!**

**Link: Oh Dear Din...**

**Zehro: Care to do the outro Ma- I mean, 'Mysterious Guest?'**

**?: Sure, Author Boy. Thank you for-**

**Zehro: Woah, woah, woah. Back up. Did you just call me 'Author Boy?'**

**?: Yes. Why?**

**Zehro: Don't you DARE call me that again. My name is Zehro! I have a name for a reason.**

**Navi: Hey! Back off! She can call you whatever she wants. I'm so sorry Ma- I mean 'Mysterious Guest.'**

**?: It's okay.**

**Zehro: Just don't call me that again.**

**?: Sorry Auth- I mean, Zehro. (ahem) Thank you for reading. Please Review, Follow and Favorite. We'd appreciate it if you did.**

**Tael: Please, no flames, or my sister will come and get you.**

**Tatl: YOU HAD BETTER NOT FLAME THIS STORY! I'LL MESS YOU UP!**

**Navi: You mean like how I messed YOU up?**

**Tatl: SHUT UP!**

**Zehro: One last thing before I go. Yes, I am leaving. And yes, I will be gone for a while. No, I will not forget the story. And I expect to get a great number of reviews in the time I'm gone. Once I get back, if I have a decent number of reviews, I'll continue the story. If I don't get any, then I'll STILL continue the story because I want to.**

**Hasta la Vista, me Amigos.**


	6. Ch 5: To the Castle!

**A/N: …...ro...reh...yen...sater...?**

[15 Minutes Earlier]

Darkness. It's all that was seen throughout the room. A door opened, and a girl walked in. She had long blonde hair, green eyes, and pointed ears. She walked around the room until she tripped on something. She looked back to see what she had tripped on. There, under her foot, was a book, and on top of it, a blue ocarina.

She picked up the ocarina and examined it. She looked at it all around until she stopped at an engraving. Etched into the ocarina was the word 'Zehro.' She picked up the book, and looked at the title. It read 'Zehro's Ocarina of Time.' Her eyes widened. She loved the game 'Ocarina of Time' and was pretty sure that the book and the ocarina had something to do with it.

She opened the book to the first page, and inside it, was a song. A song entitled 'The Elegy of Emptiness.' She played the notes exactly as written, and the room started to flash. The book began to shake. The ocarina trembled. Without even thinking, she dropped the ocarina, and it fell on the floor. The ocarina started flashing, making weird sounds. And finally, a spirit appeared from the ocarina. (Can't picture it? Try thinking about a Genie and it's Lamp) The spirit spoke in a deep and mighty voice...

Spirit: Thank you for freeing me! I shall now assume my human form!

A mannequin appeared in front of the girl. The spirit whirled around the room and launched itself into the mannequin. Believe it or not, the mannequin was alive! The girl was completely caught off-guard by what she saw next. The mannequin grew brown hair, it's eyes turned green, it's ears became pointed, and in no time, it assumed a human form. It was alive. It was...

**Zehro: Vic? What are you doing on my computer?**

**Vic: Uh...**

**Zehro: What did you do?**

**Vic: Nothing...**

**Zehro: Is that my story?**

**Vic: No?**

**Zehro: That IS my story! What do you think you're doing!?**

**Vic: Geez, I'm just trying to do what YOU like to do!**

**Zehro: Vic, you're not a story writer!**

**Vic: Yeah? Well, you're a fan-fiction nerd!**

**Zehro: HEY! That was uncalled for!**

**Vic: I don't give a damn.**

**Zehro: Why, I oughta...**

**Audience: (ahem)**

**Zehro: What?**

**Audience: Who's the chick?!**

**Zehro: Oh, right. Her. That's Vic.**

**Vic: Vicky the Motha F***ing Demon Assassin!**

**Zehro: Do you really have to-**

**Audience: Shouldn't you be gone?**

**Zehro: Don't question me!**

**Vic: I guess we gotta do another chapter...**

**Zehro: We? What's this WE business? You just came in here and started typing some random thing. This is a Zelda Story. Not an original story.**

**Vic: Hey, I put in 'Ocarina of Time' and 'Elegy of Emptiness.'**

**Zehro: It's more to it than just adding references. And Elegy of Emptiness was in Majora's Mask. Not Ocarina of Time.**

**Vic: Potato, Potahto.**

**Zehro: Vic, just get out.**

**Vic: No!**

**Zehro: Now!**

**Vic: Make me!**

**Link: Got your hands full, Zehro, old buddy?**

**Zehro: Link, shut up. I don't have time for your crap.**

**Link: Too bad, we got a story to do.**

**Vic: Yeah, the fairy boy's right, Zehro. WE got a story to do.**

**Link: What did you just call me?**

**?: Hey! Only I can call him 'fairy boy!'**

**Vic: Shut up, Malon! I'll call him whatever I want.**

**Zehro: VIC! You just gave her away!**

**Vic: Aw, pssh. So what? All those hints in the last chapter ought to have given her away, anyways.**

**Zehro: Do you know how much time I spent organizing this story? And now you come in and mess it up!**

**Vic: Oh, so what? It's not like anybody even reads this stupid story. It's bad, and you're a bad author.**

**Malon: Don't you talk to Author Boy that way!**

**Zehro: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!**

**Vic: Aw, cute. She has a nickname for you. What, are you two gonna date now? (makes kissing faces)**

**Malon: EW! GROSS!**

**Zehro: Vic, that's SICK! She's 12!**

**Vic: Maybe now, but in a few chapters she won't.**

**Zehro: Ugh...**

**Link: GUYS! We gotta get this story started!**

**Zehro: Hang on, Link!**

**Vic: Yeah, hang on 'fairy boy!' We're not done arguing.**

**Link: Stop calling me that!**

**Vic: Why don't you come over here and make me!**

**Navi: ALL OF YOU, SHUT THE F*** UP!**

**All: (silence)**

**Navi: Alright! Now, we have a story to do and this little 'argument' has just cost us about 3 pages!**

**Vic: FanFiction doesn't have pages.**

**Navi: You know what I mean. Now, if we're all done, can we PLEASE get to the story?!**

**Zehro: Fine.**

**Link: Alright.**

**Malon: Okay.**

**Vic: Ugh...whatever...**

**Navi: Good! Now DO THE DISCLAIMER!**

**Zehro: Not it.**

**Malon: Not it.**

**Vic: Not it.**

**Navi: Not it.**

**Link: Not i-DAMNIT! Zehro the Demon Assassin does not own the Legend of Zelda series or any other series that may be mentioned in here. He does, however, own this story and the original characters that appear in it.**

_Chapter 5: To The Castle!_

Link slowly stepped out of the tunnel, and into the sunlight. He had to shield his eyes because of how bright it was. Once his eyes adjusted, he got a good look around him. Nothing, so far. Just walls on either side of him. He walked a bit further down the path and saw a HUGE field in front of him. He gazed at it, awestruck. From the dirt path, to the trees, to the...Giant Pineapple? Whatever, the point is, he was amazed at what he saw.

Link: So THIS is Hyrule Field? It's amazing!

Navi: Meh, I've seen better.

Link: Yeah, right. How could you have seen better if you've never left the forest before?

Navi: Oh, shut up!

Link: That's what I thought. Hey, what's with the giant pineapple over there?

Navi: The wha...?

Navi glanced over at the 'giant pineapple' that Link was talking about. She instantly knew what it was and nearly fainted because of what she knew about it. Link saw her reaction, and smirked. He decided it was HIS turn to make fun of the fairy.

Link: What? You've never seen a pineapple that big before?

Navi: Link...whatever you do...don't make any sudden movements...

Link turned to see that Navi's face had turned white with fear. He lost it. He busted a gut laughing. He slapped his knee, held his gut and rolled on the floor, laughing. (So much for 'No Sudden Movements')

Navi: Knock it off! This is serious...

Link: You're really scared of that thing? Why? It's just a...

Link couldn't finish his sentence. He was interrupted by a deafening sound. Like a giant plant being pulled out of the ground. Wait...giant plant? Then that means...

Navi: (shrill scream)

Link turned around and saw that the Giant Pineapple was flying! It was freaking FLYING! Link was amazed. Until it started coming closer to him. He backed up slowly, then quickly, then he just ran. It gained speed, caught up to Link and nearly tore his leg in two. Needless to say, once it caught up to them, Link hauled ass out of there. He went about as fast as Sonic the Hedgehog whenever he's running from Amy. (Sorry 'Sonic' Fans)

Once he thought he was a good distance away from it, he turned around. Nothing in sight. Link let out a sigh of relief and sat down. Navi was floating by his head, looking concerned. He looked at the fairy with the same face she had just a few moments ago.

Link: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THREE GODDESSES WAS THAT?!

Navi: From what I know, it's called a Peahat. The 'propellers' at the bottom are ten times sharper than your sword. Fighting that thing will end up in certain death!

Link: Is it even possible to kill it?

Navi: Well, it does have a weak spot. If you hit it's roots, it'll damage it. You'll have to get in REALLY close if you wanna attack with your sword, so you should just use your slingshot for now.

Link: Great. Perfect. First day on the adventure and I'm almost beheaded by a giant pineapple. That's just splendid. The things Mido teased me about when I was younger is NOTHING compared to this!

Navi: Heh, you know, it is pretty funny when you think about it...

Link shot Navi a look, stood up, dusted himself off and continued walking down the dirt path. They walked for hours until they finally came to the drawbridge that led to Castle Town. Wait...drawbridge? Why did that seem so familiar to him? He shook it off and kept walking. That is, until Navi stopped him.

Navi: Wait, Link.

He stopped and looked at the fairy.

Link: What?

Navi: I don't know why, but I feel like we're forgetting something...

Link: Same here. Weren't we supposed to meet someone?

They both stood there, deep in thought, wondering what it was they were forgetting. What could it be? Who were they supposed to meet?

**Malon: OOH! OOH! Is it Me?!**

**Zehro: NO! It's not! And don't interrupt the story like that!**

**Malon: Sorry...**

Link and Navi turned their heads towards the sky. Did they just hear voices?

**Zehro: _Oh no, they heard us. Think fast, think fast, think fast. I GOT IT!_**

Out of nowhere, a giant owl appeared and landed right behind Link.

?: HOOT HOOT!

The duo spun around and saw an owl in front of them. Where did it come from? How long had it been perched there? Link was the first to speak up.

Link: Uh...hi there little fella.

The owl gazed at him with a confused look. Link guessed that he did something wrong. So he tried again.

Link: Okay...uh...little girl?

The owl gave him an angry look. Navi shot him a look. Now Link knew that he did something wrong. He tried one last time.

Link: Er...Big girl?

?: F*ck You!

Link's eyes widened. Did that owl just talk? And more importantly, he said 'F*ck You?!' Link was dumbfounded. An owl. That could talk. He shook his head, rubbed his eyes, pinched, slapped and bit himself to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. Link leaned in closer and took a good look at him.

Link: Did you just...talk?

?: Of course I did. I may be an owl but I'm not stupid.

Now Link was freaked out. He looked over to Navi, who looked just as confused as he was.

Link: Navi, you're hearing this too, right? I'm not the only one hearing the owl talk?

Navi: You've lost it, Link. Owls don't talk.

?: Don't even play that joke. I know damn well that you hear me.

Navi: Damn. Stupid owl.

?: I have a name. It's Gaebora. Kaepora Gaebora.

Link: Kaepora...Gaebora? What the hell kind of a name is that?

Kaepora: What kind of a name is Link?

Link: How did you...Well, at least my name doesn't rhyme with my last name.

Kaepora: You don't even HAVE a last name!

Link: I DO TOO! It's...uh...

Kaepora: Well?

Link: Alright, I forgot my last name, but your name is still lame!

Kaepora: IS NOT!

Link: IS TOO!

Kaepora: IS NOT!

Link: IS TOO!

This argument lasted for two hours. Navi had long since left Link behind to go explore around Castle Town. Shall we join her or shall we see how the argument will turn out?

**Audience: FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!**

**Zehro: Navi it is then.**

**Audience: You suck!**

**Zehro: That's your opinion.**

**Vic: It's not an opinion, it's a fact. Check out this review you got.**

**Zehro: (looks at monitor)**

**VickehDahPlayaHayta: THIS STORY SUCKS! YOU SUCK! I HOPE YOU DIE IN A BURNING PIT, YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING CREEP! WHY DON'T YOU STOP WRITING STUPID STORIES AND ACTUALLY PLAY THE GAME, YOU CREEPY ZELDA FANBOY!**

**Zehro: Wow! That's harsh!**

**Vic: I know, right?**

**Zehro: Wait a second...Vickeh? Vickeh...Vickey...Vicky...Vic...VIC! You wrote that review, didn't you?!**

**Vic: How dare you, I would never do something like that!**

**Link: Hey, Vic. I just checked your computer. The profile name was 'VickehDahPlayaHayta.' What's that all about?**

**Vic: …**

**Zehro: I knew it!**

**Vic: (sigh) Guilty as charged! :D**

[Two Hours Earlier, Before Navi Left]

Link: Alright, I forgot my last name, but your name is still lame!

Kaepora: IS NOT!

Link: IS TOO!

Kaepora: IS NOT!

Link: IS TOO!

Navi: Okay... I'm going to go look around Castle Town. I'll just leave you two to do...

Kaepora: Is not!

Link: Is too!

Kaepora: Is not!

Link: Is too!

Navi: …...that...uh...bye!

Navi flew off and left Link and the owl to bicker. She flew into the town and saw that it was very upbeat. Some people were dancing, most of the shop owners were having sales, and there were barely any beggars on the street. She flew around, looking at the merchandise until she flew past a very particular one. It was a dress, just her size. (which was rare since she's a fairy) And it was her favorite color: Blue! She flew up to the dress and felt it. It felt soft to the touch. She was just about to pick it up when the merchant appeared and swatted her away. (keep in mind, the merchant is a man)

Merchant: Unh-unh-unh! (I don't know how to do that sound effect, okay?) No touching the merchandise. It is very expensive.

Navi: Where did you get this dress?

Merchant: I collect Barbie dolls. Then I remove their clothing and sell it to fairies that just happen to fly by.

Navi: _That's way more info than I needed to hear. _So, how much is it?

Merchant: Like I said, very expensive. You might not be able to afford it. Do you have the guts to hear how much it is?

Navi: Let me hear it.

Merchant: Alright. It is...wait for it...you're gonna drop your wallet whenever you hear how much it is...get ready...here it comes...I will sell this to you for the high price of...10 RUPEES!

Navi: …..

Merchant: Hah. I can see the look on your face. Are you man enough...

Navi: (ahem)

Merchant: Er...'woman' enough to pony up 10 whole rupees? I understand if you can't afford it. I mean, who could? To buy something for 10 rupees would bankrupt a person, would it not?

Navi took out her wallet, pulled out 10 rupees and...(SMACK)...threw it at his face. It hit him, and fell next to the pillow that the dress was on. The merchant picked up the rupee and held them in his hand. He was amazed at what he saw.

Merchant: WHAT?! WHERE DID YOU GET 10 WHOLE RUPEES!? You must be a RICH fairy! I have always dreamed of a rich fairy to fly by here and buy my merchandise!

Navi: Look, you want a business tip? 10 Rupees? For a tiny dress? That's pathetic. You really need to 'up your game.' 10 Rupees isn't a whole lot to pay for a something like that. Now, may I please have my dress?

Merchant: Oh, of course, of course. Here you go.

The merchant hands the dress to Navi. She starts to fly off, but stops, turns around and speaks to the merchant, yet again.

Navi: What's your name?

Merchant: Me? My name is Tingle!

Navi: Yep, that explains it.

Navi flew off, dress in hand, and went to see what else was around the market.

[Meanwhile]

Kaepora: Is not!

Link: Is too!

Kaepora: IS NOT!

Link: IS TOO!

Kaepora: STOP!

The argument stopped. Link was really annoyed and didn't really want to hear what the owl had to say.

Kaepora: We've been doing this back and forth for hours now!

Link: Actually, it's only been 15 minutes.

Kaepora: Well it feels like hours! Anyways, I completely forgot WHY I even came here in the first place. I was supposed to give you a speech about you going on your new journey!

Link: Uh...no thanks...

Kaepora: Too bad.

Link: Can't we just go back to arguing?

Kaepora: Nope. (ahem) It appears the time has come for you to start your adventure!

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Scene Switch]

Navi flew around Castle Town to see what else she could find. She looked, and looked, and looked, but there was nothing else that she wanted. So she just flew around, admiring the scenery. Castle Town was beautiful this time of year. Summer had passed, but Fall had not yet come. The birds chirped in the trees, the children played in the streets (it sounds bad, but there were no cars back then, so it's good) and all around, there was that certain feeling in the air. A feeling like-

**Zehro: Vic, exactly WHAT do you think you're doing?**

**Vic: I'm describing what Castle Town was like. How it felt like to be there.**

**Zehro: Look at the 'Fan-o-Meter.' We're down by 10 readers! That's a lot of readers!**

**Vic: And it's MY fault?!**

**Audience: ?**

**Zehro: What? You thought I was writing the scenes with Navi? NO! Vic's doing that.**

**Vic: Can I get back to the scene, now?**

**Zehro: Yeah, but skip ahead. We don't wanna know what Castle Town was like.**

**Vic: Fine! (takes out remote)**

**(CLICK)**

**(Fast Forward)**

Navi was enjoying the market so much, that she got distracted and flew right into a small, red-haired girl. The girl staggered, but didn't fall. Navi, however, was caught off balance, and fell to the ground. The girl looked around to see what hit her, and Navi took that as her cue to get the heck out of there. When the girl wasn't looking, Navi darted off and went back to the drawbridge.

[Scene Switch]

Kaepora: Do you want me to repeat what I just said?

Link: No! No! For the love of Nayru, NO!

Kaepora: I still don't think you get what I'm saying. So I'll repeat myself again. (ahem) It appears the time has...

Navi: Hey guys, I'm back.

Link and the owl looked over at Navi. Link was on the floor, clutching his ears, trying to drown out the bird's voice. When Link saw Navi, he took his hands off of his head and ran over to her.

Link: Navi, thank Nayru, you're back. It's getting late, we should go see Princess Zelda.

Navi: While, normally, I would be in a hurry to see Zelda, I'm just too tired to go. I've been flying all over Castle Town and-

Link: You don't have to fly, I'll carry you. We just have to go. Now!

Navi was just about to say something, but was cut off by the howl of a wolf. With that, the drawbridge raised up, completely cutting Link and Navi off from seeing Zelda. The owl took this time to fly away, and leave the two behind. Link saw him leaving and shouted out to him while he was flying off.

Link: Hey! Where do you think you're going?!

Kaepora: Home! Don't you know that monsters come out during the night?!

Link: Monsters? Oh no.

As if on cue, a bony arm shot out of the ground. Then another. Then another. Pretty soon, Link was surrounded by these...these...uh...

Link: Navi, what are these things?

Navi: They're called Stalchildren. A smaller, weaker, less violent version of Stalfos. They should be pretty easy to beat. They just spawn in infinite numbers until the sun rises.

Link: Y-you're kidding about infinite, right?

Navi: Nope. They'll keep coming and coming until the sun rises.

Link: …...f*ck...

**Zehro: And so ends another chapter of Zehro's Ocarina of Time.**

**Vic: Wait, already?**

**Zehro: Yep.**

**Vic: You can't be finished.**

**Zehro: It seems like a good place to cut it off at.**

**Vic: You're an idiot.**

**Zehro: Call me what you will.**

**Link: This chapter was pretty short.**

**Zehro: That's because I split up this chapter into three DIFFERENT chapters.**

**Link: Oh great. More waiting. Just what we need.**

**Zehro: Nope. I'm uploading all of them at the same time.**

**Navi: Wow, that's great to hear.**

**Vic: She said sarcastically...**

**Navi: Shut up!**

**Vic: Make me!**

**Zehro: Until next time, review, follow, favorite, or all three. Thanks for reading, and...**

**Malon: Wait, you said you'd put me in the chapter!**

**Zehro: I did.**

**Malon: No, you didn't!**

**Zehro: Yes, I did!**

**Malon: When?**

**Zehro: Look back at the story, and you'll see. Goodbye, all!**


	7. Ch 6: Meeting Malon

**A/N: Welcome to the next installment of Zehro's Ocarina of Time! Now, let's clear up a few things that happened in the last chapter.**

**I introduced my partner-in-crime, Vicky the Demon Assassin.  
**

**I cut off the chapter just as Link was about to get attacked by the infinite spawning Stalchildren.**

**I split this chapter into 3 separate chapters due to the fact that it was extremely long in it's original print.**

**I pissed off Malon by not including her in the last chapter.**

**Malon: You're a jerk, you know that, Zehro?**

**Vic: If he's a jerk, then I'm a panda.**

**Zehro: (snap)**

**(POOF)**

**Vic: Not...funny!**

**Zehro: It's kinda funny.**

**Link: He's right, it is kinda funny.**

**Malon: (SMACK)**

**Link: OW! My liver!**

**Malon: Change her back, Zehro.**

**Zehro: No!**

**Malon: (SMACK)**

**Zehro: That doesn't hurt me.**

**Malon: Oh really? (EPIC FOOT STOMP FACE PUNCH COMBO!)**

**Zehro: OW! FINE! (snap)**

**(POOF)**

**Vic: Thanks, Malon.**

**Malon: No problem.**

**Zehro: Let's get this started. One of you do the disclaimer.**

**Malon: Nope.**

**Link: No.**

**Navi: Negative.**

**Vic: You do it. You're the author.**

**Zehro: And you're all just figments of my imagination. Now, DO THE DISCLAIMER!**

**Vic: I got an idea.**

**Zehro: What is it?**

**Vic: This!**

**Zehro: 'Zehro the Demon Assassin does not own the Legend of Zelda series, or any other series that may be mentioned in the story.'**

**Vic: Done.**

**Zehro: O_O HOW DID YOU DO THAT!?**

**Vic: I'm Co-Author, aren't I?**

**Zehro: Remind me never to give you author powers again.**

**Vic: Okay, I won't. TO THE STORY!**

_Chapter 6: Meeting Malon_

Link had fought off about 'ninety-something' Stalchildren in the past hours. Only a little bit longer until the sun rises. Navi, of course, was cheering him on from the sidelines.

Navi: Go Link! You can beat him! Oooh, that's gonna leave a mark! Come on! Get your head in the game! They're nothing compared to you!

Link: It'd be a whole lot easier if you helped me!

Navi: Nah, I'm good. Only a couple more minutes until sunrise anyways.

[Two Minutes Later]

The cucco crowed, the sun rose and the Stalchildren had disappeared. Link was exhausted from the fight. He used the last of his strength to get to the drawbridge. Once in the town, he sat down next to the fountain, and drifted off to sleep. At least, he tried to, but Navi kept yelling at him to get to Hyrule Castle.

Navi: Come on, Link! We need to get to Hyrule Castle NOW!

Link: Navi, I'm too tired. Can I just get, like, ten minutes of sleep?

Navi: No! We have to go meet the princess, now! You don't realize how important this is. We need to...Link? Link!

Navi was too late. Link fell asleep while she was talking. Navi was seriously pissed. She pulled on his hair, yelled in his ear, bit him, kicked him, opened his eyes, but nothing worked. Eventually, she gave up, and went to go look for someone to wake him up.

[In Link's Dream]

[Begin Serious Moment]

_Link opened his eyes. He looked around him and saw nothing but white. He was back in that dream. The one he had from when he left the Deku Tree. Link looked around for any sign of that boy he had met last time. Again, a figure materialized in front of him. The same boy from the last dream. This time, Link was the first to speak._

Link:_ Hey, you're the kid from my last dream. The one at the Deku Tree. I've been meaning to ask you, how am I the 'Hero Chosen by the Goddesses?' How do you even know that I'm the chosen hero? And how do I know you're not just pulling some kind of prank on me?_

_The boy looked at Link the same way he had before, like he had seen a ghost. His expression quickly disappeared and was replaced with a confused look. He stared at him for about five minutes before he finally spoke._

?: _One question at a time, please._

Link: _Oh, sorry. I just really needed some answers._

?: _Just one question._

Link: _(sigh) Fair enough. Who are you?_

?: _I cannot answer that._

Link: _Alright, then. How do you know that I'm the Hero._

?: _I said only one question._

Link: _What? But..._

_The atmosphere around them grew brighter, and the boy started to fade away. Link called out to him one last time, before he completely disappeared._

Link: _Wait! Come back! I'm not finished!_

_He was too late. The boy had disappeared, and the world around him grew brighter. So bright, that it blinded him. He collapsed to the ground, and the world faded. Then, he heard a very faint voice._

?: _hey..._

_Link's eyes shot open. Who was that? Had the boy come back? He stood up, and looked around him. It was dark. From the looks of it, he was still in his dream. There was no sign of the boy. Or anybody._

?: _Hey..._

_The voice grew louder. Link was anxious to see if the boy came back, but there was still nobody in sight. A blinding light appeared from across the room. Link shielded his eyes, and again, he heard the voice, but MUCH louder._

?: _Hey!_

_This time, he realized that it wasn't the boy. It was a certain annoying fairy companion. But where was she? He called out to her._

Link: _Navi? Navi, where are you?_

_He waited, but he got no response. He tried calling Navi again._

Link: _Navi! Are you there?_

_This time, he did get a response, but it was muffled, and it was followed by another voice. An unfamiliar one. Link tried to listen in, but had a tough time._

Navi: _not working...gotta...water..._

?: _don't know...might kill...shouldn't do..._

Navi: _trust...be fine...now dunk!_

_The light across the room grew brighter. He closed and shielded his eyes. Nothing helped. The light was still blinding. The world around him started to fade again. This time he knew he was waking up. But he still wondered what exactly Navi was talking about in-_

(SPLASH)

Link: !

[End Serious Moment]

His eyes shot open. He couldn't breathe. For some reason, he was in the fountain, and couldn't get out. Somebody was holding his head in there. He struggled, and tried to force himself out, but to no avail. He was going to drown, and he couldn't save himself. Is this how he was gonna go out? By drowning in a fountain? When all hope had seemed lost, he was pulled up by the same thing that had forced him down in the first place.

Link: (GASP)

Navi: Finally, he's awake. Thanks for helping me wake him up.

?: You're welcome, but...I don't think it was right to do that.

Navi: What? To wake someone up?

?: No. To dunk their head in a fountain and almost kill them.

Navi: You didn't kill him. See? He's fine.

?: But, he almost DROWNED!

Link turned around and saw that his annoying fairy was talking to a girl. She had red hair, blue eyes, and pointed ears. She wore a white dress with blue...(Markings? What are they? I don't know), a yellow scarf, and a pendant that looked like a certain turtle from another franchise. She was arguing with Navi, complaining about how she almost killed him. Navi argued back, saying that she wasn't going to kill him and that he would be fine. This argument went back and forth for about five minutes. That's when Link interrupted them.

Link: (ahem)

The girl spun around and faced him. Her expression went from angry (from the argument) to happy. (to see that he was still alive)

?: Oh, thank the goddesses, you're still alive. I wasn't sure if I killed you or just made you unconscious. I'm glad to see that you're okay.

Link: Who are you?

?: I'm...

**Malon: OOH! OOH! IT'S ME! I KNOW IT'S ME THIS TIME!**

**Zehro: MALON! Stop...interrupting...the story!**

**Malon: Oops... I forgot. Sorry.**

The three of them looked up at the sky.

?: Did either of you hear that? Somebody said my name, but I don't know where from...

Navi: You heard the voice, too?

Link was shocked. He heard voices yesterday whenever he and Navi first met the owl. Could it be the same voices from back then?

**Zehro: CRAP! Not again. Uh..._I need a distraction! But what?! Think...think...think...I got it! I'll send in..._**

?: MALON!? MALON!

Malon: Oh no! Not him! Hide me!

Without thinking, Link picked up an empty crate, put it over her, and leaned against it, like nothing was there. A few minutes later, a tall man walked up to Link, and BOY was he pissed. He had a crooked looking mustache, short hair, white overalls and a green shirt. He gave Link and Navi a death glare, then spoke.

?: You! I'm looking for a small, red-haired, farm girl. Have you seen her?

Link: Who are you?

?: The name's Ingo. I'm a worker at Lon Lon Ranch, and right now, I'm in charge of that girl! Now have you seen her or not!?

Link: Sorry, sir. I haven't seen anybody that looked like that.

Ingo: Oh, really?

Link: Yeah, really.

Ingo: What's in the crate?

Link: …...onions...

Ingo: Oh, really? Then let me take a look.

Link: Uh...suit yourself...(whispers to Navi) distract this guy while I get the girl outta here.

Navi: (whispers to Link) No problem. (speaks) Uh, so how long have you been working at the ranch?

Ingo: What's it to ya, you little floating... what are you exactly?

Navi: I'm a fairy from Kokiri Forest.

Ingo: Kokiri Forest? Haven't heard that name in quite a while. Well, I guess I can tell you a bit about my time at the ranch. It all started when I first met Talon, the owner of the ranch...

While Ingo was busy bragging about stuff that he had never done in his life, Link had secretly got Malon out of the crate, replaced her with raw onions, and snuck her behind the nearest building. Once they were behind the building, he took out a small bag of powder, sprinkled it on her then on him, and instantly, he took on her appearance. The red hair, the dress, the birthmark on the back of her neck that looks like a cow, everything. Link had copied her exact look. Malon stood there, dumbstruck.

Malon: Uh...

Link: Shh...I'll get him off of your tail. Just stay behind this building.

Without another word, he darted off. He ran across the market, and hid behind the fountain. He looked over and saw that Navi was still distracting Ingo. Link gave Navi a thumbs up, and Navi nodded her head. That's when Link popped out from behind the fountain and yelled at Ingo.

Link: HEY INGO!

Ingo looked at Link. (keep in mind that Link looks EXACTLY like Malon right now) Once he saw him, his eyes turned fierce. He marched towards him, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Ingo: MALON! GET OVER HERE! YOU'RE GOING BACK TO THE RANCH RIGHT NOW!

Link: Then come and get me, you old fart!

Link stuck out his tongue at Ingo, then darted off. Ingo's face turned red with anger, and he ran off in pursuit. Meanwhile, Navi took off to go behind the building that Malon was behind. Malon was standing there, her eyes wide open, jaw dropped, staring into the alley that Link had run down. Navi snapped her back to reality. Malon looked at the fairy, and then went off on her. (with questions, that is)

Malon: Did you just see that?! Tell me I'm not dreaming! That was incredible! How did he do that?! How was he able to outsmart Ingo like that?! I'm shocked and excited at the same time! I...

Navi: Yes, I get it. It's amazing. Come on, let's get you home.

Malon: Oh, I can't go home, yet. My dad went to the Castle to deliver some milk, and he hasn't come back yet.

Navi: How long has he been gone?

Malon: About three days.

Navi: Three days?! And he just left you here?!

Malon: Yeah...

Navi: _Some parent he is..._Follow me. We're going to the castle.

Malon: But we aren't allowed in.

Navi: Who said anything about being 'allowed in?'

Malon: We're going to break in?!

Navi: No, no, no. We're not going to be breaking in, Link is. He'll get your dad back in no time.

Malon: So, when will he be back?

Navi: Whenever Link gets to him.

Malon: I meant Link. When will Link get back?

Navi: …...Uh oh.

[Scene Switch]

Link was still running from Ingo. He had run so far, yet Ingo was still on his tail. He had to throw stuff down and knock stuff over, just to slow Ingo down. The effects of the magic powder would wear off soon, and he didn't want to be around Ingo when that happened. Finally, he came to a fork in the road. He took the left path. Ingo followed, but lost sight of Link very quickly. Unknown to him, Link had hidden in the nearby alley that was conveniently located right next to the turnoff.

Ingo searched for ten minutes, then finally gave up. He went back to searching for her somewhere in the market. Link stood up, and started making his way towards town square. (keep in mind, he STILL looks like Malon) Suddenly, he felt a strong hand grasp onto his arm. He spun around, and saw Ingo. He looked PISSED! He shouted at Link with all his might.

Ingo: FINALLY! I GOTCHA! Now, come on! You've got some cows to milk! And horses to groom! And chickens to feed!

Link: How did you...wait, me? If I'm doing all of that, then what will you be doing?

Ingo: Same thing I always do! Sit back, relax, and watch you do all the work.

Link couldn't believe what he was hearing. This guy was making Malon do all of his work, while he just sat around, doing nothing. How could he make a little girl do all that? That lazy, no-good, son of a b*tch! Now, Link was pissed. He bit Ingo's hand, then, with all his might, swung for the 'Deku Nuts.' It hit. And it hurt!

Ingo was lying on the ground, crying like the little b*tch he is. Link ran back to town square, in search of Navi and Malon. He went behind the building where he left her. Nothing. He looked everywhere, but there was no sign of the farm girl and his fairy. They were nowhere to be found. Suddenly, his body felt tingly. The magic was wearing off. He couldn't change back with all these people around. Having no other choice, he ran towards Hyrule Castle.

[Back to the Main Story]

Link had just arrived at Hyrule Castle. A guard was standing at the gate, so he just stood next to the vines until he transformed back. The magic was JUST about to wear off, when suddenly, something grabbed his hand. Afraid that it was Ingo again, he jerked his hand away, and started to run, but tripped. Behind him, he could hear laughing. He turned around, and there stood Malon and Navi. Navi was laughing her ass off, while Malon was just chuckling to herself. Link picked himself back up, dusted himself off, and shot the both of them a look.

Link: That was NOT funny! I actually thought you were Ingo.

Navi: You're right. It wasn't funny.

Link: …...

Navi: It was HILARIOUS!

Before he could say anything, he started to glow. His hair turned from 'fire red' to 'dirty blonde.' The dress quickly changed from being a dress, to being a tunic. Link's sword and shield were placed on his back, and, out of nowhere, his hat fell on top of his head. He was back to his old self. He looked over at Malon, who was standing next to Navi. She was still laughing, but Link quickly cut her off by speaking to her.

Link: Malon, didn't I tell you to stay behind the building?

Malon: The fairy told me to come to the castle with her.

Link: Why?

Navi: Because, her dad is somewhere in there. We need to find her dad for her.

Link: …..

Malon: Please? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please? Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top? Pretty pretty please with a pound of sugar on top?

Link: (sigh) Alright. I just hope your father isn't anything like Ingo.

Malon: YAY! And don't worry. He isn't.

Link: Well, come on.

Link started climbing up the vines. Navi followed, and Malon stood there, watching him. Once he made it to the top, he looked back down at Malon. She was staring back up at him, waiting for him to say something. And he did.

Link: Are you coming, or what?

Malon: Huh? Me?

Link: No, the giant talking owl right behind you. Yes, you.

Kaepora: HOOT! HOOT!

Navi: Speak of the devil...

Link: Not this guy again.

Malon: Who's that?

Kaepora: Link, did you notice that when you're not in a town, time flows normally?

Malon: O_O

Link: Yes, I know. Can you please leave?

Kaepora: Nope! I'm not done.

Malon: Is that owl...

Link: Talking? Yep.

Kaepora: Anyways, whenever you enter a place like Lon Lon Ranch, time stands still. But when you leave, time flows normally. Be sure to-

(WHAP)

Link threw a rock at the owl's face. It hit, and it hurt like HELL! The owl looked over at Link, who was holding another rock in his hand. He glared at him, menacingly.

Kaepora: OW! What was that for?!

Link: You annoy me! Now go!

Kaepora: Fine, I'll leave! You dick!

And without another word, the owl flew off. Link looked back down at Malon. She was still shocked because she had heard an owl TALK! Link managed to snap her back to reality with just one question.

Link: So, are you coming or not?

Malon: But, isn't it illegal to go inside the castle without consent of the princess?

Link: Would you rather get caught by Ingo?

Malon: …...

Link: That's what I thought. Now, let's go.

Malon climbed up the vines and made it to the top, next to Link. All three of them made their way through the castle, narrowly avoiding guards, and being EXTREMELY careful about being spotted.

[Fast Forward]

Link, Navi, and Malon made their way past the guards, and eventually found themselves on the side of the castle. In front of them were two large crates of milk, and a fat man. The man wore...

**Vic: Woah woah, back up! Why are you fast forwarding?**

**Zehro: Because I REALLY don't feel like explaining what those two did to get past the guards. Now stop interrupting me!**

The man wore a red shirt, blue overalls, and had a mustache. He was partially bald, and snored like there was no tomorrow. Link walked over to him, with Malon behind him. He turned around and faced her.

Link: Is this him?

Malon: Yep.

Link: Alright then. Let's see, how do we wake him up?

Malon: Well, we can't yell, because we'd get caught.

Link: And we can't dunk him in the water because he's too heavy. Plus, he might drown.

Malon: Hmm...

(BAWK)

Link: What was that?

Malon: Huh? OH! My cucco!

Link: Huh?

Malon: I've been incubating him VERY carefully. It looks like he hatched without me even knowing.

Link: Wait a sec...That gives me an idea. Let me see the cucco.

Malon: Why?

Link: I know how to wake your dad up.

Hesitantly, she handed the cucco over to him. He took the cucco and placed it right next to the man's ear. Then, he waited. And waited. And waited. But nothing happened. So he turned to Malon again.

Link: How do you make a cucco crow?

Malon: Usually, you have to hit it.

Link: ….

Malon: Oh, don't tell me you're gonna hit my cucco!

Link: Is there any other way?

Malon: Well, you could scare it, I guess.

Link: Got it. (turns to Navi) You know, Navi, I'm getting kinda hungry right now.

Navi: Link, now is not the time to be talking about food.

Link: Really? Because, I'm sure Malon here would like to know what I wanna eat. (wink)

Malon: (whispers) Oh, gotcha. (speaks) What do you want to eat, Link?

Link: Well, I was thinking about getting some "Kakariko Fried Cucco."

(COCKADOODLE-MOTHA F*CKIN-DOOOOOOOO!)

?: WHAT IN TARNATION!? Can't a guy get a little shut eye around here?

It worked. Goddesses be damned, it worked. The cucco was able to wake up that lazy man. Link walked over to the man. The man just stared at Link, confused. Who was this kid? Where did he come from? Why did he wake him up?

?: Who are you?

Link: My name is Link. Are you Talon, owner of Lon Lon Ranch?

?: The very same! Why do you ask?

Malon: (ahem)

Talon looked over and saw his daughter. Her arms were crossed, she was tapping her foot, and she had a very irritated look on her face. Talon completely lost it when he saw his daughter. He had completely forgotten her! He was too busy delivering milk (and to a lesser extent, falling asleep) that he forgot all about Malon waiting for him.

Talon: MALON!? I'm so sorry that I left you behind to wait for me! I promise, I'll never leave you behind again or fall asleep on the job again!

Malon: _Yeah, I've heard that before. Well, the sleeping part..._

Talon grabbed his daughter's hand and they both started walking off. Link had turned back around and started to make his way into the castle, when...

Malon: Link!

Link: Huh? Oof!

….Malon ran up behind him and hugged him. Not knowing what else he could do, he hugged back. After about a minute, Malon let him go. She looked into his eyes, sweetly, and Link looked into her eyes, confused. She walked up to him, and whispered...

Malon: (whispers) Thanks for getting rid of Ingo for me. And waking up my dad.

Link: It was no pro-mmph!

He didn't have any time to finish. He couldn't get the words out of his mouth because Malon's mouth was on his mouth. (Wow, let me try that again) Malon cut Link off by kissing him. Link's eyes turned wide, and, out of reaction, he pushed her away. He was terrified. Malon saw it was bothering him, and decided to tease him.

Malon: What's wrong, fairy boy? Never been kissed before? (giggles)

Link blushed crimson red, and ran off. Malon took the hint, and started walking off, too. After she was gone, Link pushed the boxes into place, and entered the castle.

**Zehro: DONE!**

**Vic: Good, I'm not sure how much more of that I could take.**

**Zehro: Oh, shut up. You know you liked it.**

**Vic: Nope. I didn't like it one bit.**

**Zehro: You mean you didn't like the part where Link kicked Ingo in the 'Deku Nuts?'**

**Vic: That was kinda funny...**

**Zehro: And you didn't like the part where Link used that 'KFC' pun on the cucco to wake Talon up? (I do not own KFC)**

**Vic: That has to be the corniest joke in the world.**

**Zehro: No, the corniest joke in the world is 'Why did the Cucco cross the road?' (I don't own that joke)**

**Link: Sheesh, get a room you two. (Don't own this joke, either.)**

**Zehro: (Punch)**

**Link: Ow! My eye!**

**Vic: (Punch)**

**Link: Ow! My other eye!**

**Zehro and Vic: NEVER MAKE THAT JOKE AGAIN!**

**Link: Alright, geez. I'm sorry.**

**Malon: (SMACK)**

**Zehro: OW! What was that for?!**

**Malon: For hurting Link.**

**Link: At least somebody's on my side.**

**Malon: (SMACK)**

**Link: OW! What was that for!?**

**Malon: Nothing. I just like hitting you. (SMACK)**

**Link: OW!**

**Vic: Slapfest! :D (SLAP)**

**Zehro: OW! Stop that! That's it, I'm cutting it off here. Review, favorite, follow, or all three. Thanks for reading and...**

**Vic: (SLAP)**

**Zehro: OW! I SAID STOP!**

**Vic: I'll stop when I want to.**

**Zehro: (snap)**

**(POOF)**

**Vic: MY HANDS!**

**Zehro: How are you gonna hit me now? You have no hands!**

**Vic: (NUT KICK)**

**Zehro: AGH! MY DEKU NUTS!**

**Vic: Payback! BEEYATCH!**

**Link: Come on, Zehro. Get up.**

**Zehro: I'M IN PAIN, DAMMIT!**

**Link: And?**

**Vic: Stop being a baby, Zehro.**

**Zehro: Easy for you to say!**

**Link: ...**

**Vic: ...**

**Malon: Bye everybody!**


	8. Ch 7: Meeting the Princess

**A/N: Look everybody! It's the third chapter I'm submitting today!**

**Vic: Nobody cares!**

**Zehro: That's what you think.**

**Malon: I'm still mad at you for making me and Link kiss. We don't even like each other that way.**

**Link: Don't lie. You know you liked it.**

**Malon: (PUNCH)**

**Link: Ow! My kidney!**

**Navi: You had that one coming, Link.**

**Link: Who's side are you on?!**

**Navi: Whichever one I want to be on.**

**Zehro: Enough arguing. Time for the story.**

**Zelda: Zehro the Demon Assassin does not own the 'Legend of Me' series or any other series mentioned in the story. He does, however, own the story and all of the original characters that appear in it.**

**Link: Zelda?!**

**Malon: The Princess?!**

**Navi: Princess Zelda?!**

**Vic: YES! IT'S HER! Can we get on with the story, now?!**

**Link: No! Zelda, what are you doing here?**

**Zelda: I'm in this chapter.**

**Malon: Wait, then does that mean...**

**Zehro: Yep! (snap)**

**(POOF)**

**Link: Malon?!**

**Navi: Where'd she go?!**

**Zehro: Oh relax, I did the same thing to Saria. Remember?**

**Link: I hate you so much right now.**

**Zehro: Why? I thought you hated Malon.**

**Link: Only when she hits me! Other than that, she's...you know...**

**Zelda: Hey! I thought you liked me, Link!**

**Link: As a friend! But, with Malon, I...you know...feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :D**

**Zelda: (SMACK)**

**Link: OW! Is it 'Hit Link in the Face' Day or something?!**

**Zelda: That's it! You're SO getting it in this chapter!**

**Link: What?!**

**Zehro: Let us begin!**

_Chapter 7: Meeting the Princess! (Finally)_

**A/N: Due to the fact that I'm too lazy to write what happened with the guards, I'll give you bits and pieces of what they said when Link passed by them.**

_**Not all guards are the same**_

**[The First Two]**

Guard 1: Oh, hey. Did you hear about Mitch?

Guard 2: No. What about him?

Guard 1: His wife just had a baby.

Guard 2: Seriously? What's the kid's name?

Guard 1: You'll never believe it. He named his kid 'Steve.'

Guard 2: Steve? What's wrong with that?

Guard 1: Steve is a girl.

Guard 2: What?!

Guard 1: Yep.

Guard 2: Is he retarded? Who names a baby girl 'Steve?'

Guard 1: He does, apparently.

Guard 2: That poor bastard.

**[Next Two]**

Guard 1: (sigh) This is boring!

Guard 2: Just hang on. Our shift is almost over.

Link: (Achoo!)

Guard 1: What was that?

Guard 2: It was a sneeze, you idiot.

Guard 1: I know that! I mean, where did it come from?

Link: _Crap! I'm caught!_

Guard 3: Oh, sorry guys. I have a cold. (Achoo!)

Guard 1: And you came to work today?

Guard 3: I gotta keep up my perfect attendance record. (Sniffle)

Guard 2: This isn't school, you know.

Guard 3: So? I still want a perfect attendance. (cough) You should know I haven't missed a day of work. Not even when my little girl was born.

Guard 1: Mitch, you weren't there when your daughter was born?

Guard 3: Nope. I was here. At work.

Guard 4: Hey, is that Mitch? We were just talking about you!

Guard 5: Yeah, we were talking about how stupid you are for naming your kid, Steve.

Guard 1: You named your little girl 'Steve?'

Guard 3: Shut up! I thought it was a boy!

Guard 2: You poor bastard.

Guard 5: Hey! We just said that a minute ago.

Guard 3: Shut up!

**[Next Two]**

Guard 1: (yawn)

Guard 2: Why are YOU tired? I had to work the night shift.

Guard 1: I had the craziest night last night. My kids kept waking me up saying that there are 'monsters' in their bedroom. So they made me spend half the night, checking the WHOLE house for any signs of monsters. Once they got to sleep, my wife woke up, thinking I was an intruder. When I walked into the room, she hit me with a frying pan and gave me a knot on my head. So, I had to walk to the doctor, my head still bleeding, and get it examined. By the time I got home, my wife knocked me in the head again, this time with a vase. Thank Din, I wore my helmet. Unfortunately, the noise was so loud, it woke my kids up, again. So, I had to get them BACK to sleep, get back to my own bed, close my eyes for about TWO seconds, and then, the cucco crowed, and I was up, getting ready for work. THAT'S why I'm tired.

Guard 2: Wow, that's an amazing story.

Guard 1: Yeah, I guess so.

**This was when Link got bored and walked away.**

**[Last Two]**

Guard 1: You know, I really don't know why we need to patrol the castle. It's not like anybody breaks in here, anyways.

Guard 2: I know, right? No one in their right mind would try to sneak through here. Princess Zelda is completely safe.

Guard 1: Mainly because of her Sheikah Guardian.

Guard 2: Oh, please. Don't even talk about Impa.

Guard 1: Why not? She's really strong. I betcha she could take on the Hero of the Sky. (referring to Skyward Sword. I'm not sure what he's called)

Guard 2: Please, she'd be crushed by him. Do you know what the Hero did to that one guy, ages ago?

Guard 1: What guy?

Guard 2: That guy! What's his name? Uh...Gigajim? Gishafim?

Guard 1: Ghirahim?

Guard 2: Yeah, that's it. He completely destroyed that guy.

Guard 1: No, it was that other guy that he fought. It wasn't Ghirahim. His name was Demise or something like that.

Guard 2: Demise? Never heard of him. But I know that the Hero completely destroyed that Ghirahim guy.

Guard 1: Whatever. Anyways, I think that Impa would do pretty well in a battle like that.

?: A battle like what?

Guard 1: Oh, hello Impa.

Guard 2: …...hey, Impa...

Impa: A battle like what?

Guard 1: Oh, I was just telling him how you'd do pretty well in a battle against the Hero of the Sky.

Impa: Me? Against him? Please. The Hero is way stronger than you think he is. He was able to protect 'Her Grace' from the evil Demise with no kind of problem whatsoever.

Guard 1: I TOLD you it was Demise! Wait...How would you know that?

Impa: Uh...I don't. Back to work, you two. (walks away)

Guard 1: She's hiding something. I know it.

Guard 2: Seriously, you need to learn to leave well enough alone.

**Zehro: Okay, I think I've stalled you all long enough.**

**Vic: Wow, so much for 'bits and pieces' eh?**

**Zehro: Oh, shut up. I ran out of ideas.**

**Vic: And after only four different scenes. That's weak with a capital 'W-E-A-K!'**

**Zehro: I said SHUT UP!**

[Castle Courtyard]

Link stepped into the Castle Courtyard, excited to finally meet Princess Zelda. Unfortunately, nobody was there. He was confused. The princess should be here, shouldn't she? He looked around for any sign of the princess. Nothing. After a few minutes of searching, he gave up and turned to face his fairy.

Link: Well, she's not here. She's probably in her room, or locked in a tower...

Navi: I don't understand. I checked the script for 'Ocarina of Time' multiple times. Princess Zelda SHOULD be here!

Link: Well, there's no sign of her anywh-wait...Did you just say 'script?'

Navi: Yeah. Here, look at Page 36.

She pulled out the script she was talking about and handed it to Link. He took the script from her, opened it to page 36, and started reading...

Link: Let's see... "Link bypasses all the guards and enters the Castle Courtyard to find Princess Zelda. To his dismay, he finds nothing but an empty courtyard. He turns to his fairy companion, who hands him this script, and after reading this line, he is..." wait, what?

As if on cue, he was attacked from above. He was lying on his back, arms pinned down. He tried shaking free, but to no avail. He kicked, he squirmed, he even tried to bite, but nothing worked. Accepting defeat, he gazed up at his attacker, only to be awestruck by what he saw. The attacker was a girl. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, pointed ears, and was dressed in royal clothing. Link looked at her in amazement. He was absolutely speechless.

Link: _She's beautiful. She's even prettier than Saria and Malon combined. Wait...I've seen her somewhere before. But where? Uh oh, she's giving me a weird look. I've been staring. Ugh, come on, say something! _Uh...are you-

?: Princess Zelda? Yes, I am. And I know exactly who you are.

Link: You do? _How did she know who I was? Did the Great Deku Tree contact her before I came here?_ Well, if you know who I am, then you know why I'm here.

Zelda: Yes, I do.

Without warning, Zelda punched Link right in the face. Link was caught off guard. Where did she learn to hit like that? She punched him a few more times before Link finally threw her off. He looked at the princess in confusion. Why was she attacking him? Seriously, for a dainty little flower, the girl could punch like a Goron.

Link: OW! Is that any way to treat someone who's-

Zelda: Shut up! I know that you were sent here by Ganondorf to kill me!

Link: What?

Zelda: Don't play dumb with me!

Link: I'm not here to hurt you, Zelda...

Zelda: So you expect me to believe that you broke into my castle, fully armed, got past ALL of the guards with no problem, and you're not gonna hurt me?

Link: …...Wow, now that you put it that way, I'd think the same thing if I were you.

Before he could say anything else, Zelda charged forward and landed a kick to his chest. Link staggered back, fell on one knee and clutched his chest, trying to catch his breath. She charged forward again for another attack, but Link dodged it. Zelda turned her head and glared at him with fierce and unforgiving eyes. Link met her gaze, and matched her look. Now, he was pissed.

Link: You want a fight? You got it!

They both charged forward at full speed. Link lunged forward and landed a punch to her gut. She retaliated with a spin kick to the face. Link dodged, and kicked her in the side. She let out a yelp and fell to the ground. Link aimed for the head, but missed as Zelda rolled out of the way, and kicked him in the side. He let out a groan, and fell on one knee. With a triumphant look on her face, she charged forward and attempted to tackle him. He narrowly dodged and rolled off to the side. He was impressed. How did a girl so young learn to fight like that?

Link: Where did you learn to fight like that?

Zelda: I'm a fighter in the Super Smash Bros. Tournament. I'm a Two-Year Veteran.

Link: Smash Bros? Please, I'm a Three-Year Vet.

Zelda: I don't believe you.

Link: Then let me show you what I can do.

Catching his second wind, he darted back up and and charged towards the princess. He landed a punch, and a kick, but was quickly countered by another kick to the chest. He bounced back and retaliated with a spin kick to the side. It hit, and she fell to the ground. Link charged forward for another attack, but Zelda rolled out of his way, jumped back up, grabbed his hair, and pulled as hard as she could. Link let out a yelp of pain, and attempted to trip her. It worked, and she went down. Unfortunately, so did he. Zelda quickly got back up, and stomped on Link's chest. What's worse, she was wearing high-heels, so it hurt like hell. Link rolled out of the way and jumped back up. Zelda went in for the 'game winning punch,' but Link swiftly dodged. Zelda turned around in an attempt to attack him again, but Link was a step ahead. When she had turned around, Link had charged forward. He landed a knee to the gut, while Zelda elbowed him in the face. They both staggered back, out of breath from the last attack.

The courtyard grew silent. All that could be heard were the gasps of air coming from the two fighters. Blood, sweat, and tears were shed on the battlefield, most of which were Zelda's. Zelda collapsed on the ground, exhausted from the fight. Link now knew, that he had won the battle. But he quickly realized what he had done, and regretted it instantly.

Link: Oh no! Zelda!

He rushed to her side, and helped her up. She could barely stand. She was so weak, and she could barely breathe. Blood was dripping from her mouth. Her dress was covered in grass stains and dirt. She looked like she had just escaped from the dungeon. She looked miserable. He couldn't help but feel guilty for hurting her. Just as he was about to apologize, he was met with another punch to the face. He staggered backwards and glared at the princess. She looked pissed, and ready for Round Three. She wiped the blood from her mouth, and gave him a look that said 'Bring it on!' But Link was having second thoughts.

Link: That was a cheap shot.

Zelda: What would you know about cheap shots?

Link: You made me help you up and then you punched me in the face.

Zelda: So? I'm not losing to a minion of Ganondorf!

Link: How many times do I have to tell you! I don't know who this Ganondorf guy is!

Zelda: You're lying!

Link: And you're stubborn.

Zelda: DIE!

Without warning, she charged forward and punched him in the chest. He fell backwards and onto the ground. She got on top of him and punched the living hell out of him. She was about to land one more punch, but Link blocked her hand, threw her off, and got back up. She stood up, and charged forward yet again. Link did the same as well. They were mere seconds away from colliding, when a certain annoying blue fairy flew in front of Link's face and stopped him from attacking. She looked EXTREMELY pissed!

Navi: What in Din's name do you think you're doing?! We're supposed to be HELPING Zelda, not fighting her!

Link: Yeah, but...

Navi: No buts! Now you march right over there and you apologize to the princess for attacking her!

Link: Have you NOT been paying attention?! She attacked ME first!

Navi: I don't care! Now get over there and...

(WHAP)

Out of nowhere, Navi was hit by a flyswatter. You can probably guess who hit her with it. She fell to the ground, dazed and unable to see straight. Link took this as an opportunity to attack Zelda again, but when he looked up, she saw that her expression had changed from furious, to surprised. She pointed to Navi, who was still on the ground, and spoke with a very shaky voice.

Zelda: Is...is that...a fairy?!

Link: Uh...yes?

Zelda: Are you from the forest?

Link: Yes? _What's she getting at?_

Zelda: Th-then, you wouldn't happen to have the spiritual stone of the forest, would you? That green, shining gem?

Link looked at her in confusion. A minute ago, she was trying to kill him, and now, she looked at him like he was about to give her a new puppy. He was absolutely dumbfounded. It was only when she spoke again that he snapped out of his thoughts.

Zelda: Do you have it?

Link: Uh...you mean this?

He pulled out the stone that the Deku Tree had given him before he left the forest. Zelda took one look at it, and shrieked in excitement.

Link: _I guess that's what she meant._

Zelda: Yes! That's it! That's the one! I had a dream last night. In that dream, Hyrule was covered by storm clouds. Suddenly, a bright green light shone through the darkness. That light came from a figure, holding the gem, accompanied by a fairy. I knew it was prophecy that someone would come from the forest. I thought that you might be the one from my dream...

Zelda drifted off into thought. She thought back to her dream. That night...what she saw...what she heard...everything. Link was obviously confused. He just met her and she was having dreams about him? That was just freaky. A few minutes passed by, and the princess was still deep in thought. Link thought it was about time to snap her out of her thoughts.

Link: (ahem) Princess?

Zelda: Huh? Oh! I'm so sorry! I forgot to properly introduce myself. (ahem) (speaks in a royal tone) I am Zelda. Princess of the Kingdom of Hyrule. And what is your name, fair citizen?

Link: Why are you talking like 'that?'

Zelda: (Still speaking in royal tone) My father told me to talk in a royal tone whenever I am around...commoners.

Link: But I'm that guy from the dream. I have the fairy, and the gem. I'm not a commoner.

Zelda: …...Good point. Anyways, what's your-

Link: Hang on a sec... I already know your name. You even told me your name when you attacked me. Why did you say it again in your 'formal introduction?'

Zelda: Would you stop interrupting me like that? But if you must know, my guardian, Impa, is always telling me to practice being more 'princess-like.' Now, (ahem) What's your name?

Link: Oh, right. My name is Link.

Zelda: …...Link?

Link: Yeah. My name is Link. Why? Is something wrong?

Zelda: No, no. It's just...it sounds somehow...familiar...

Link: _Familiar? I just met her! Where could she have heard my name before?_

Zelda: Okay, Link. I'm going to share the secret of the sacred realm, that's been passed through the royal family for generations, with you. Please, keep it a secret?

Link: You're asking me, a complete stranger, to keep a secret for you?

Zelda: Yes.

Link: Alright. Let me hear it.

Zelda: Okay. The legend goes like this... (ahem) The three goddesses hid the triforce, containing the power of the gods, somewhere in Hyrule. The power to grant a wish to the one that holds the triforce in his hands. If someone with a righteous heart makes a wish, it will lead Hyrule to a golden age of prosperity. But if someone with an evil mind were to have his wish granted...the world would be consumed by evil! At least, that's what the legend says. So the ancient sages built the Temple of Time to protect the triforce from the evil.

Link: Wait a minute, so...

Zelda: That's right. The Temple of Time is the entrance through which you can enter the sacred realm from our world.

Link: No! Not that! I'm just trying to catch up! That was a whole lot to take in.

Zelda: …...

Link: _So, if I were to make a wish, I'd lead Hyrule to a 'golden age of prosperity.' But if somebody that was evil made a wish, Hyrule would be plunged into darkness. I know that I'M the good guy, so who's the bad guy?_

Zelda: (ahem)

Link: Huh?

Zelda: Are you finished?

Link: Huh? Oh! Yes, I am.

Zelda: Good. Now listen, the door to the Temple of Time is sealed, and can only be opened by the three spiritual stones AND the Ocarina of Time. You already hold one of the stones. So you have to get the other two. Okay?

Link: There are TWO MORE STONES?!

Zelda: Yes.

Link: Great. Looks like I'll be fighting more monsters. And I thought my adventure would end after I met you.

Zelda: (sigh) _There isn't any hope for this kid..._ Oh! I almost forgot. I've been spying through this window. That dark clouds from my dream...I believe they symbolize that man in there. You wanna take a look?

Link: Sure.

Link stepped up to the window and peeked in. Inside, he saw a Gerudo man, on one knee, bowing to the King. He had short red hair, dark skin, some kind of jewel on his head, and wore black armor. He had an evil look in his eyes. Link instantly recognized who he was.

Link: _That's him! The guy from my dream! It all makes sense now! The drawbridge, the princess, this evil-looking guy. They're all from my dream. But then...does that mean that what happened in the dream will come true? Will that guy really kill me?_

Zelda: Do you see that man with the evil eyes?

Link was instantly snapped out of his thoughts and his attention was turned back towards Zelda.

Link: Yeah, I see him.

Zelda: That's Ganondorf, the Gerudo King of Thieves.

Link: That's the guy you thought I was working for?

Zelda: Well, yeah. I overheard him say to one of his minions that he was going to send an assassin after me.

Link: And you thought that was me?

Zelda: Yeah.

Link: Well, I'm not the assassin. Though, I wonder who it is.

Zelda: I do too. (sigh) Though Ganondorf swears his allegiance to my father, I know that he's lying. I can sense that man's evil intentions. The clouds from my dream...I just know they represent him!

[Inside the Castle]

King: And the Gerudo's shall receive a new shipment of camels in two weeks time.

Ganondorf: Two weeks?! This is an outrage! How do you expect us to navigate the desert without camels, dammit!?

King: I've done all I can. I cannot decrease the waiting time, or else I would. My deepest apologies, Lord Ganondorf.

Ganondorf: (sigh) Very well, I suppose I could...huh?

Ganondorf looked out of the window to his right. Through that window, he saw the Princess of Hyrule, and a boy wearing a green sock hat. The boy noticed that Ganondorf had saw him, and ducked under the window to conceal himself. Ganondorf was confused. There was something familiar about that boy he saw.

King: Is something wrong?

Ganondorf: _That kid...that kid out there with Zelda...I've seen him somewhere before. Could it be? Is it him? ...nah, it couldn't be him. He's too scrawny. Still..._

King: GANON!

Ganondorf: Huh?

King: Is something wrong?!

Ganondorf: No, your highness. I just thought I saw something, that's all.

King: I see. Very well, then. Let us move onto our next topic: Free Taco Tuesdays.

[Back Outside]

Zelda: What happened? Did he see you?

Link: YES, He saw me! I'm dead! I'm so dead, I'm so dead, I'm so dead!

Zelda: Calm down! He doesn't know what we're planning...yet!

Link: You're right...Have you told your father about your dream?

Zelda: Yes, I did tell him. But he didn't believe that it was prophecy.

Link: Oh, well. His loss.

Zelda: I'm telling you, I can sense that man's evil intentions. I know he is not loyal to my father. I know that he will destroy this land! Link, you and I are the only ones who can defend Hyrule from Ganondorf. Please! I'm begging you!

Link was shocked. What could he say? He wasn't sure if she was just making this up or not. He didn't want to hurt her feelings (mainly because she'd probably start to fight him again) but he didn't want to go on a wild goose chase, either. He was stuck in a tight spot. He hung his head, closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed. Zelda thought that by his actions, he would reject her. So, she said something to reassure him.

Zelda: Please, Link! If you help me, I'll give you a thousand rupees!

Link: (silence)

Zelda: Not good enough? Fine! I'll give you a million rupees!

Link: (silence)

Zelda: What about fame? Do you want to be famous? I can make it happen!

Link: (silence)

Zelda: I'll give you whatever you want! Anything!

Link: (sigh)

Zelda: I'll...I'll...uh...I'll kiss you!

Link: !

Link's eyes darted open. His head shot straight up, his eyes became wide, and he blushed crimson red. He turned away from her to hide his face. Now, he wasn't sure if he should do it or not. Zelda saw his reaction to her offer, and she decided to act on it, thinking she had struck a sweet spot. She turned Link around, and looked at him. His face still crimson red. She looked at him with pleading eyes, while Link looked away from her, trying (but failing) to hide his face.

Zelda: Is that what you want? You want me to kiss you? Okay, I'll do it. Just please help me with this task, and my lips will be yours for the taking.

Link completely lost it when he heard that. He shook free from her grip, and looked at her like she was crazy.

Link: No! No! No! A thousand times, NO! Ugh, what is it with you girls and kissing!? It's gross!

Zelda: So, you're not going to help me?

Link: No, no, no. I'll help you. Just NO KISSING! _I think I may have gotten cooties from Malon back there._

Zelda: So, what do you want me to give you?

Link: I'm happy to do it for free.

Zelda: You will?!

Link: Yes.

Zelda: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Zelda pulled Link in for a hug. Link, still afraid that she might sneak in a kiss like Malon did, reluctantly hugged her back. She let go after a few minutes, and looked at him with a triumphant look on her face.

Zelda: You and I...We'll make a great team! We must not let Ganondorf get the Triforce! I'll keep the Ocarina of Time safe, while you get the other two Spiritual Stones.

Link: Got it!

Zelda: Oh, one more thing, take this letter. It should help you out if you run into any trouble with the guards.

Link: The guards here?

Zelda: No, not here! Just, hold onto it, okay?

She handed Link the letter she was talking about, and Link held it over his head dramatically.

(DA DA DA DAAAAAAAA)

Zelda: (whispers to Navi)...Uh, what's he doing?

Navi: (whispers to Zelda) It's this thing that he does from time to time. Don't discourage him about it, okay?

Zelda: (whispers to Navi) Got it...

Link put the letter in his 'endless pouch' and looked back at Zelda. The look on her face showed that she was worried, relieved, and scared all at the same time. Link put his hand on her shoulder, reassuring her that he would get the job done. She looked back at him with a smile, but her smile quickly vanished and turned into a frown. Link wasn't sure what was wrong.

Link: Don't worry, Zelda. I'll get this done and be back here before you know it.

Zelda: Link...behind y-

Link: You don't have to be worried about me. Just stay here and-

(CRACK)

Link: AGH!

Someone had grabbed Link's arm and twisted it behind his back. He was in pain and he couldn't move. He tried to get a look at his attacker, but couldn't see. He was thrown to the ground, and was stomped on by the boot of the attacker. His head was then pulled up, and he came face-to-face with a woman who looked about 50 year old. She had red eyes, white hair that was tied back, and wore WAY too much lipstick. She glared at Link with unforgiving eyes.

?: Who are you, and why are you attacking the princess?

Link: Attacking?! I...

Zelda: Leave him alone, Impa. He's a friend of mine.

Impa: But, your highness...

Zelda: Impa, drop him.

Without a moment of hesitation, Impa let go of Link, and got off of him. Link's body was aching. He could barely move, because he was weakened from Impa's attack. Having no other choice, he closed his eyes, and lost consciousness. Impa picked him up, and held him in her arms. She walked over towards Zelda and spoke to her.

Impa: Princess, how did this boy get inside the castle?

Zelda: I don't know. But what I do know, is that this is the boy from my dream. Remember? The one with the dark storm clouds, and the fairy?

Impa: Oh, that one. Are you sure this is him? He doesn't look like much.

Zelda: I'm positive.

Impa: Very well. Shall I send him to Kakariko Village?

Zelda: Take him outside of the castle and let him regain his strength. If the guards catch him in here, there will be trouble. Once he's regained his strength, teach him my lullaby, and THEN send him to Kakariko Village.

Impa: Understood.

Zelda: Good luck, Link.

Zelda planted a small kiss on his forehead, and sent Impa off. Impa leaped up and over the castle walls, and carried Link back to the drawbridge. Navi followed in an attempt to catch up. Once they were out of sight, Zelda went back to watching Ganondorf in the window. Unfortunately, he was already gone. So she decided to just go clean up, and make an excuse for why she's bleeding. And why her clothes are covered in grass stains and dirt.

**Zehro: Finished!**

**Vic: NO ONE CARES!**

**Zehro: Again, that's your opinion.**

**Link: I can't believe you made me and Zelda fight.**

**Zelda: Made me? The only thing he made me do was be nice to you, you jerk!**

**Link: Oh, I'm the jerk? What about you?!**

**Zelda: Me?! What did I do?! You're the one that prefers Malon over me!**

**Link: I never said that!**

**Zelda: Yes, you DID!**

**Link: No, I DIDN'T!**

**Vic: Get a room, you two.**

**Zelda: Shut up!**

**Vic: Oh, you wanna go!?**

**Zelda: BRING IT!**

**Zehro: NO, NO, NO! Not this time. We already had this happen with Tatl and Navi. We're not gonna have it happen with Zelda and Vic!**

**Navi: Come to think of it, I still haven't seen any sign of Tatl since Kokiri Forest.**

**Zehro: Then, I guess I'll just have to do a chapter with both Tatl AND Tael in it.**

**Others: NO!**

**Tatl: YES! Finally, a chapter about us!**

**Tael: This is SO awesome!**

**Zehro: Don't get too excited. I didn't say WHEN I was gonna do the chapter.**

**Tatl: …...Why you NO GOOD MOTHER F-**

**Tael: Calm down, sis! I'm pretty sure he'll do the chapter soon, right?**

**Zehro: Yeah, sure...**

**Vic: Hey, Zehro. Quick question.**

**Zehro: Yeah?**

**Vic: Are you going to do a Majora's Mask story, too?**

**Zehro: I wasn't planning on it, but now that you gave me the idea...**

**Vic: Uh oh...**

**Zehro: Don't worry, I won't start on it for a while anyways. Probably until Link turns into an adult.**

**Link: Seriously?! That'll be, like, seven years from now!**

**Zehro: Not exactly. By the way, Navi. Didn't you say a few chapters back that you quit from being Link's sidekick?**

**Navi: Zehro, you know I'm only doing this to keep Tatl from having the job, right?**

**Link: So...you don't like being around me?**

**Navi: Not one bit. I hate your guts, and I wish a slow and painful death for you in the future.**

**Link: I can see the next story now, "Everybody Hates Link."**

**Zelda: Favorite, Follow, Review or all three! Thank you for reading this story, and we hope you'll continue reading it until the end.**

**Zehro: No flames! Wow, I haven't said that in a while...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Link: Okay, you can poof Zelda out of here now!**

**Zelda: Oh, Zehro didn't tell you yet?**

**Link: Tell me what? Wait...Zehro, don't you dare!**

**Zehro: Too late. I've decided that it would be fun to have Zelda around.**

**Zelda: That way I KNOW you won't be cheating on me!**

**Link: That's it. I'm want NOTHING to do with you people whenever this is over.**

**Zehro: Don't be so sure about that.**


	9. Ch 7 and a Half: Tatl and Tael

**A/N: What's up, guys? Sorry about this, but I have BAD writers block. Plus, I REALLY have a lot of work to do. I'm sure half of you knew that this was coming, so I apologize for the other half that didn't. Get ready for the worst chapter in history. Readers of my story, I give to you...**

_Chapter 7 1/2: Tatl and Tael_

**Tatl: Woah, woah, woah! Half? Seven and a HALF? What's with the half?! Why do we get half of a chapter?!**

**Zehro: Hey! Be grateful I'm even giving you half of a chapter, after you almost crippled Navi in the prologue.**

**Tatl: If I wasn't smaller than you, I would kick your ass right about now.**

**Tael: Calm down, sis. Hey, where's Link?**

**Tatl: Yeah, and why does it smell like spoiled milk and cow sh*t in here?**

**Tael: Why do you insist on swearing all the time?!**

**Zehro: Enough of that! Now listen. Right now, we're in a top secret location where Navi, Link or anybody else can never find us!**

**Tatl: We're at Lon Lon Ranch. Aren't we?**

**Zehro: ...maybe... Don't judge me! I get free milk and a place to hide!**

**Tael: Are you sure Malon is okay with this?**

**Zehro: Positive!**

**Tatl: Does she even know we're here?**

**Zehro: Of course she...well, kinda...sorta...no. No, she doesn't. Look, let's just get to the story. Alright?**

**Tatl: Fine. Do the disclaimer, then.**

**Zehro: What? No! I'm not doing the disclaimer! You do it!**

**Tatl: No way!**

**Zehro: 'YES' way!**

**Tael: (sigh) Zehro the Demon Assassin does not own the Legend of Zelda series...**

**Tatl: Nor will he ever, because he's a nerd with no job, girlfriend, or lifeMLB**

**Zehro: Shut it, Tatl!**

**Tael: ...or any other series that's referenced in the story. The only things he does own are this story, the original characters-**

**Tatl: And the life size cardboard cut-out of Princess Zelda that he takes to his room every night, and-**

**Zehro: TATL! Why do you keep doing that?!**

**Tatl: It's in my name. Duh!**

**Zehro: You know I don't do that!**

**Tatl: Oh, you don't? Then how come I saw you-**

_Chapter 7 1/2: Tatl and Tael_

Our lamest (and possibly shortest) chapter ever begins with the two fairies, whose names are mentioned in the chapter title, speeding away from Kokiri Forest. The oldest (or youngest, I could never tell) of the two fairies was a girl, with a yellowish glow. She always thought that SHE was the boss, and acted like a complete bi-

Tatl: Watch it!

Oh yeah, she has a temper too. Anyways, the other fairy (boy) had a purplish glow to him. He's kindhearted, always thinks of others before himself, but was 'slightly' clueless at some times. He WOULD be a good fairy in this case, but since he's related to that bi- I mean, the other fairy and the fact that he had some issues involving a serious crime back in Termina, he is considered the bad guy.

Tael: You try seeing what I saw and tell me that I'm not crazy!

So, the two fairies speed through Hyrule Field and land in a nearby tree. Tatl (the girl, in case you didn't know) snapped her fingers, then said the pass phrase.

Tatl: 'Tatl is epic and Navi is a loser.'

{Access Granted}

A small door opened up and they both flew inside. They both sat down at a small table and started plotting Tatl's revenge.

Tatl: Alright, we need a-WOAH!

The tiny chair Tatl was sitting in collapsed under her fat as-

Tatl: Don't you dare say it!

**Zehro: Alright, how about 'collapsed under her weight?'**

Tatl: (crosses arms)

**Zehro: 'Fell apart because of her-'**

Tatl: (taps foot)

**Zehro: Fine! 'It was an old chair, so once she sat in it, it fell apart.'**

Tatl: (glare)

**Zehro: Well that's the best you're gonna get out of me.**

Tatl: Fine! (sigh) As I was saying, we need a plan. We didn't come all this way for nothing. Now, what do we do, Tael?

Tael: Well, I read in the strategy guide that after Link visits the castle to meet-

Tatl: Woah, woah, back up. Strategy...guide?

Tael: Yeah! You know, the thing that tells you how to beat the game and all that.

Tatl: (SMACK) What have I told you about breaking the fourth wall?! You know they'll send agents after us if we do that, right?!

Tael: Okay. First, OW! And second, what are you so worried about?

Tatl: We can't just do that, Tael! There are consequences!

Tael: Well what do you WANT me to say?!

Tatl: Make it sound somehow NOT 'fourth-wall-breaking-ish?'

Tael: Fine. I heard from a 'reliable source' that after Link meets the princess, he needs to head to Kakariko Village to get the NEXT Spiritual Stone, 'The Goron's Ruby.' So, what we need to do is ambush him as soon as he gets to the village.

Tatl: Ambush 'him?' Or ambush...

Tael: Ambush...Link?

Tatl: (SMACK) No, you idiot! We're going after Navi! Not Link!

Tael: Ow! Okay, okay! So we need to get Navi separated from Link. Then we take her out?

Tatl: Exactly! Once Navi is gone, Link won't have a partner anymore. Which means that I can be his partner! Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!

Tael: ?

Tatl: What?

Tael: All this mess, JUST to be Link's partner?

Tatl: I can't believe you forgot what Navi did to me already!

Tael: Oh! Right!

Tatl: ...

Tael: ...What did she do to you again?

Tatl: (facepalm) Let's just get to Kakariko.

Tael: We're pretty far from Kakariko, Sis.

Tatl: And?

Tael: ...

Tatl: That's what I thought. Now, let's go!

In an instant, they both flew out of the tree (closing and locking the door, of course) and started flying toward the village. They flew for what seemed like hours, despite the fact that they fly extremely fast. Their wings were getting tired, their eyes were getting a bit droopy, and their heads felt light for some reason.

Finally, they decided to sit and rest for a few minutes on a very peculiar plant. Tael had an uneasy feeling about it, but Tatl instantly sat down, relaxed and payed no attention at all. Finally, after a couple of minutes, Tael spoke up.

Tael: Sis, there's something about this plant. It's these weird patterns on it. I feel like I've seen them before...

Tatl: Oh, would you relax? Everything is fine.

(rumble) (rumble) (rumble)

Tael: WHAT WAS THAT?!

Tatl: Stop being so parano-woah!

The leaf that Tatl was sitting on starting moving in a big circle around the base of the plant. Tael got off immediately, but Tatl was stupid enough to stay on the leaf. She grabbed the edges, but quickly pulled away. For some reason, they were unusually sharp. Then, the plant started to rise up from the ground with a loud creaking sound. Tatl was scared for her life, and then something happened that made her forget about it altogether.

Navi: (shrill scream)

Link: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THREE GODDESSES IS THAT?!

Tatl: _Link? Navi? Argh! I'm not ready yet! I need more-_WOAH!

Tael: Sis!

The leaf Tatl was sitting on started spinning around rapidly, and the plant took off. Tatl hung on with all of her might, trying not to fall off, or be chopped into bits by the razor sharp edges. Tael shouted out to her over the noise.

Tael: SIS! I FIGURED IT OUT! IT'S A PEAHAT!

Tatl: YOU GOTTA BE F*CKING KIDDING ME!

Tael: FLY OUT WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE!

Tatl: WHAT?!

Tael: I SAID FLY OUT WHEN YOU-

Tatl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Tael: Too late.

While Tael was busy talking, Tatl had lost her grip and fell. Luckily, she landed on one of the leafs, slid off and was sent flying towards the castle moat. She went soaring past Link and Navi and hyper speed. Link was running for his life, so he didn't notice. Navi heard the scream, but Tatl was flying so fast that she couldn't recognize her. Tael was flying as fast as he could to catch up with his sister, and passed Navi and Link at super speed. (Basically, he flew faster than Link and Navi, but not as fast as Tatl was going.)

Tael: SIS! I'M COMING! Oh, hey Navi.

Navi: Huh?

Tael also flew past her quickly, so Navi couldn't recognize who he was either. Tael flew on in pursuit of his sister, who is probably scared out of her mind right now.

Tatl: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH (Splash)

Tatl fell into the water, thankfully not hitting the drawbridge. Tael quickly flew up behind her, and helped her out. As soon as he was out, he started laughing like crazy. Tatl, on the other hand, was incredibly pissed.

Tatl: What're you laughing at?! That was not funny!

Tael: Yes it was.

Tatl: (SMACK) Let's go.

Tatl jumped up and flapped her wings as hard as she could, only to fall flat on her butt. She tried several more times, with Tael laughing his ass off every time she tried, and she finally gave up.

Tatl: Looks like we're walking.

Tael: Hey, it could be worse. We could've been eaten by a giant owl.

Kaepora: Hoot HOOT!

Tael: HIDE!

Tael jumps into a nearby bush to avoid being seen by the owl. Tatl pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

Tatl: This is going to be a LONG day.

**Zehro: Finally! Now I'm finished with this stupid half chapter!**

**Tael: That was torture! And how come you were so mean to Tatl? Like at the beginning of this chapter. You cut her off in mid-sentence!**

**Zehro: Well she deserved it! She's always mean to me!**

**Tatl: But you didn't have to CUT ME OFF! Make out like it never happened and-**

**Zehro: Stop that! I can get SUED for that, you know!**

**Tatl: You can get sued for being a jerk? Man, have you got a case on your hands, Zehro.**

**Zehro: No, not that! You were singing that song! That can get me in SERIOUS TROUBLE!**

**Tatl: Song? What song?**

**Zehro: Wait, so you weren't singing?**

**Tatl: No. Wait, you can get in trouble for me singing something?**

**Zehro: ...No?**

**Tatl: Perfect. (ahem) NOW YOU'RE JUST SOMEBODY THAT I-**

**Zehro: Stop that!**

**Tatl: BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CUT ME OFF!**

**Zehro: Favorite, follow, review or all three!**

**Tatl: HEY, I JUST MET YOU! AND THIS IS CRAZY! BUT, HERE'S-**

**Zehro: Thanks for reading and...**

**Tatl: OPPA GANON STYLE! GANON STYLE! OP OP OP OP OPPA GANON STYLE!**

**Tael: That is just ridiculous.**

**Malon: WHO'S THERE AND WHAT'RE YOU DOING ON MY RANCH!?**

**Tatl: IT WORKS!**

**Zehro: RUN!**


	10. Ch 8: Legend of Sidequests

**A/N: ? CREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAK!**

The door slowly opens as a young female steps into the dusty, old, messy shack. The girl examines the room to find an old typewriter on a desk. Beside it was a script. She picked up the script and read the title.

"Zehro's Ocarina of Time..." she said to herself. She put the script down, turned on the light, sat down in a chair, and began to flip through it again. She stopped, however, when she saw that an entire chapter was missing from the script, with only the chapter title remaining. She read the title out loud.

"Chapter 8: Legend of Sidequests. He must've not finished this chapter." She pondered the possible expectation of what this chapter could've been. Obviously, the main part of the chapter was side quests, a very popular, yet annoying, part of games today. Deciding to take it upon herself to finish this chapter, she grabbed a piece of paper, an ink bottle, and a quill and started writing.

As the ink touched the paper, the shack shook and caused objects to fall onto the floor. "Halt," a voice boomed from out of nowhere. "No one is allowed to touch the-"

**?: Link? Is that you?**

**Link: Oh... It's you. False alarm guys, it's just Vic.**

The room slowly returned to normal. Three figures burst out of the book and appeared before the girl, which I'm pretty sure you all know who she is by now. The figures were, of course, Link, Zelda and the fairy. "My name is Navi, dumbass," the fairy exclaimed, breaking the fourth wall. Link spoke up.

[Now for the real intro]

**Link: Vic, what're you doing here?**

**Vic: Well, since Zehro's not here, I figured I'd go ahead and do a chapter. I mean, come on. It's been months since the last chapter.**

**Link: Are you kidding? You don't even know how to write a story.**

**Vic: (snap) (Instantly, Link's mouth turns into a zipper, and zips shut) ****Much better.**

**Zelda: (uses her magic to get rid of the zipper-mouth and spins around to face Vic) ****So you think you can just come in here and mess up all our hard work?!**

**Vic: Hard work? Pfft, I barely think that any of this is considered 'Hard Work.' He just copy and pasted from the REAL game and-**

**(Zelda slaps her, and pushes her aside)**

**Vic: Oh, it's on, now! (Vic attempts to tackle Zelda, but Link gets up and separates the two)**

**Link: Both of you, stop! Look, like it or not, Zehro isn't here, and we need another chapter. Plus, we've gone too far to turn back now. Now are you two going to keep arguing or are you going to make up, temporarily, and write a new chapter?!**

**Zelda: ...**

**Vic: ...**

**Link: Well?!**

**Zelda: Fine, I guess...**

**Vic: Let's just get this over with...**

**(Link lets both of them go. Vic sits down at the desk and starts writing, until Link stops her)**

**Link: Aren't you forgetting something?**

**Vic: Oh, right. (ahem) Zehro and I do not own the Legend of Zelda series or any other series mentioned. All the other stuff, such as the story, it's original characters, yadda-yadda-yadda, we own that.**

Chapter 8: Legend of Sidequests

[Link is having his dream again]

_A blinding light appeared and Link was back in his dream. The dream from the Deku Tree. And from the fountain. His mind was still a bit foggy, but he was able to focus, nonetheless._

Link: _Ugh, my head...what the? It's that dream again! Finally, I'll get some answers! Or at least ONE answer. (gasp) That kid! Where is he?!_

_A dark shadow appeared from out of nowhere and formed itself into the shape of a boy. The same boy from before, but with menacing eyes. Aside from his expression, his appearance had changed also. His hair was jet black, his eyes were blood red, and there was a number of gashes and wounds all over his body. He stared straight at Link and spoke with menacing words._

?: Turn back now, Hero. You don't know what you're dealing with!

_Link was shocked. The kid who JUST told him that he was the hero, and Hyrule's only hope, was now telling him to give up. What was this kid's problem? Frustrated, he decided to use his one question to get some answers for what was happening._

Link: What are you talking about? You told me that I was the hero. That I was Hyrule's only hope! And now, you're telling me to just give up and go home?!

?: You are not the hero, and you never were! You're just a spineless, weak, incompetent fool who was stupid enough to believe that he was the 'Hero chosen by the Goddesses.' Now do as I say and just give up!

Link: No! You're wrong! I've come too far to back down now! I'm going to get those Spiritual Stones and stop Ganondorf!

?: Heheh. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into, boy! Just don't say I didn't warn you! (snap)

_And with a snap of his fingers, he disappeared. The light around Link began to fade as Link began to wake up. Usually, when he woke up, he felt warm and dry. Right now, he was cold and wet. Why? Let's leave the dream to find out._

[Outside of Hyrule Castle]

Link: (gasp) WHAT THE?!

Link was floating in the moat outside of Castle Town. Yep, that explains it. Anyways, he pulls himself back to shore. Then he was grabbed by his arm, and thrown back onto the ground. He lifted his head up, only to find that ugly b*tch, Impa. He grimaced, then stood up and dusted himself off. Impa charged forward, grabbed him, and brought him face-to-face with her. Link was scared out of his mind, but didn't show it. Impa was genuinely angry with him for some reason.

Impa: Listen, boy, I don't like you one bit. And I certainly don't like you being around the princess. Especially after you attacked her!

Link: Hey! She attacked me first!

Impa: SILENCE!

Impa bent Link's arm behind his back. He let out a yelp of pain, but quickly shut up as she applied more pressure. Impa spoke again.

Impa: But for some reason, Princess Zelda trusts you enough to undertake this task. And since I am loyal to the princess, that means I must take her orders. Which means I need to do one of two things. One, I need to teach you Princess Zelda's Lullaby. So listen well, because I won't repeat myself!

Impa pushed Link to the ground, then took some kind of flute out, and held it to her lips. Link got back up, dusted himself off, and stared straight back at Impa. Impa looked back at him with a disapproving stare. He was standing there, waiting for her to play something, but she didn't. Eventually, Impa put the flute down and facepalmed herself.

Impa: Take out your instrument! Your ocarina!

Link: Oh! Right! Sorry.

Link pulls out his ocarina and gets ready to mimic the song Impa is about to play. Impa puts the flute back up to her lips and starts playing the song. The whole song, from start to finish. Link followed along the best that he could. After his first attempt, he looked at Impa to see if he got it correct. But...

Impa: (SMACK) No! Try again!

Link played the song for the second time, and was met with another smack to the face. So he played it a third time. Then a fourth. Then a fifth. Ten minutes later, he was still attempting to play the song, with his face black and blue from the beating that Impa gave him. Deciding that it was hopeless, Impa decided to try a different approach.

Impa: (sigh) Alright, it may be a LITTLE too complicated for you. So, I'll play a 'simpler' version of the song.

Impa then proceeded to play the first few notes of the song. Link mimicked the notes on his ocarina. After he played the song, he looked up, half wincing at a possible slap from Impa, but it didn't happen. Impa looked at him with semi-approving eyes. A very small smile crossed her lips.

Impa: Meh, it'll do. At least you can play the main part. Now, for the next part. I am supposed to take you to Kakariko Village.

Link: Okay. Then, let's go.

Impa: Yeah, about that. I kinda forgot how to get to the village.

Link: Are you serious?!

Impa: Hey! Give me a break! I'm old!

Link: Yet, you have the strength of a Goron.

Impa: I'm going to pretend that you didn't say that. Here, take this key to the gate. Once you find the village, unlock the gate, and then head for Death Mountain. That's where the next Spiritual Stone is.

Link: Uh, thanks?

Impa reaches into her pocket, pulls out the key to the village gate and gives it to Link. Link takes it, drops it into his endless pouch, then looks back at Impa.

Link: So, are we done here?

Impa: Not yet, there's one more thing I need to do.

Link: Okay, what is it?

Impa: Turn around.

Link: Uh...okay?

Hesitantly, Link turned around as Impa instructed. His eyes widened and he turned around swiftly so that he faced Impa yet again. Impa was slightly confused.

Impa: What?

Link: I almost forgot. Do you, by chance, have a copy of that 'Origin of the Sheikah' book? My roommate got his destroyed and-

Impa: Origin of the Sheikah? No such book exists. If it did, I'd be the first to know about it.

Link: Oh...

Impa: Hmm...how about this. If you get those Spiritual Stones, like the Princess asked you to, I'll make a book about the 'Origin of the Sheikah' for you.

Link: Really? Thanks. How can I repay you?

Impa: Turn around.

Link: Uh, okay?

Link did as he was told. Soon afterward, he felt a sharp pain in his butt as he was kicked into the air, FAR away from Impa. You can probably guess that Impa kicked him into the air. She shouted off one last thing before he was completely out of sight.

Impa: Good luck! And stay away from Zelda until you get the stones!

Link flew through the air for about two minutes before he landed on the roof of a barn. Well, more like crashed through instead of landed. The good news, he survived the fall. The bad news, he's unconscious. Again. More good news, somebody is going to help him. More bad news, it's not who he wants it to be.

* * *

[An Hour Later]

Link was able to pry his eyes open and get a good view of the room around him. Actually, the only thing he saw was a very familiar face. On the outside, he was surprised, but on the inside, butterflies floated around in his stomach. He couldn't believe he was seeing her again. He was both happy, and scared for some reason. And then she spoke.

Malon: Hi again, fairy boy!

Link gave a small smile at first but quickly realized exactly HOW close she was to his face. He freaked out and squirmed away from her, only to feel a sharp pain in his side. He let out a grunt, and Malon quickly stopped him from moving around.

Malon: Don't move! You're hurt really badly.

Link: Yeah, I could tell. Malon, what're you doing here?

Malon: I live here, fairy boy.

Link looked around the room a bit. There was hay, a few pitchforks, and LOTS of cows. What's more, he was sitting on a hay stack, there were bottles of Milk to his right, and to his left was a door, that he guessed was the exit. So, he took a shot in the dark and decided that it was a barn. Which, confused him because Malon said that she lived here. He looked back at her in confusion.

Link: You live in a barn?

Malon: (giggles) Don't be silly, fairy boy! My house is just outside. This is the barn, where we tend to all the cows.

Link: (facepalm) Wow, even I should've known that.

Malon: It's alright, fairy boy. You didn't know.

Link: Could you please stop calling 'fairy boy?'

Malon was a bit upset to hear that, since that was her nickname for him.

Malon: But, that's my nickname for you. I thought you liked it when I called you that.

Link: I do. It's just getting a bit annoying, that's all.

Malon: Oh. Sorry.

By now, Link was feeling a bit uncomfortable since Malon was STILL dangerously close to him. He tried to back up, but remembered that if he moved, it would hurt him. So, he did the only thing he could do at the moment. Complain.

Link: Malon, could you back up a bit? You're a bit 'too close for comfort.'

Malon: Oh. Okay.

Malon moved back just a little bit. Seriously, you could barely tell she moved at all. Link gestured for her to move back a bit more.

Link: Little more.

She backed up a little more. Again, it was like she didn't move at all. Link sighed. He didn't like it, but it would have to do.

Link: Perfect._ Still too close. What is her deal?_

Malon: Oh! I almost forgot.

Malon reached into her pouch and pulled out a bottle of Lon Lon Milk. She held it in front of Link and persuaded him to drink it. Link was a bit hesitant. He wasn't sure he could trust her, because he was tricked into kissing her. (as my idiot partner, Zehro, put it. Seriously, he needs to get a life and stop imagining kids kissing, that little weirdo.)

Malon: This is a bottle of our famous milk. Try some! It'll heal your wounds.

Link: I thought only potions were supposed to do that.

Malon: They do. But milk tastes better.

Link: No argument there. Without hesitation, Link takes the bottle, opens it and takes a sip. Malon was right. It wasn't like a potion at all. It tasted MUCH worse! Without thinking about it, he spat the milk out, and started to complain again.

Link: This milk is disgusting! And it's chunky! How do you make a living off of this stuff?!

Malon: Chunky milk? Let me see that.

Malon quickly took the bottle away from Link and sniffed it. She pinched her nose and held it away from her.

Malon: Ugh! This is spoiled milk! I'm sorry. Let me get you another bottle.

Malon ran off to get a fresh bottle of milk, and left Link sitting there. Not being able to move at all. Five minutes later, he's still sitting there, waiting for Malon to come back. He got bored easily and tried to stand. He stood up, then sat straight down, because he was in too much pain. Oh well. At least Navi wasn't there to bother the crap out of him.

Navi: Hello? Link?

Speak of the devil...

Navi rounded the corner of the barn and found Link sitting in that same pile of hay. She flew up to him, half relieved, half pissed off.

Navi: LINK! There you are! It took me forever to find you! What are you doing here? We need to get going!

Link turned around and saw his faithful fairy sidekick floating next to him, glowing a bright red. He sighed and looked straight at Navi.

Link: Excuse me, did you get mercilessly beaten by an old woman with the strength of a Goron and kicked through a roof? No? Then, give me a break. I'm in pain!

Navi: Impa has THAT much strength? But she's like, what, 50 years old?!

Link: That's what I thought! Anyways, I just need to rest and- AGH!

Without another word, Navi grabbed Link by his ear, pulled him up, and pushed him out the door of the barn. Once they were outside-

**Navi: Woah woah! When did I have super strength?**

**Vic: I gave it to you. I figured if Zehro isn't here, I might as well have a bit of fun. Now stop breaking the fourth wall!**

**Navi: I liked my old self better!**

**Vic: Ugh, FINE! If you're gonna complain so much... (SNAP)**

Just like that, Navi's super strength disappeared. She dropped Link on the ground, sat down, and nursed her arms because of holding up Link's weight. Link, on the other hand landed on his feet, felt a sharp pain in his side and collapsed on the ground without another word. Malon appeared from out of nowhere with a fresh bottle of Lon Lon Milk and saw Link laying on the ground. She rushed over to him and helped him up. Which didn't help. Link fell back to the ground and was met with even more pain. Malon crouched down and lifted his head up.

Malon: Did you try and stand up, fairy boy? I told you that you were hurt badly.

Link shot Navi a dirty look, to which she looked off and pretended like she did nothing.

Link: Uh...let's go with that.

Malon: Here.

Malon gave him the milk, to which Link hesitantly drank. After the first sip, his eyes shot open and his arms bolted up, he snatched the milk from Malon's hands and drank it all. Like Malon said, his wounds were instantly healed. He picked himself back up and looked back at Malon, who was smiling at him.

Malon: You certainly were thirsty, weren't you?

Link: Yeah. What was in that Milk? It tasted delicious!

Malon: It's pure milk from our special bred cows. Not like that nasty pasteurized milk, or that Din-awful Chateau Romani that Dad drinks.

Link: I see...

Awkward silence...then Link changed the subject.

Link: So, this is the ranch?

Malon: Yep.

Link: Kinda small, don't you think?

Malon: Small? (Malon takes a look around the ranch) Well, I guess you're right. (Eyes widen) Hey, I just realized...

Link: What?

Malon spun around and looked at Link. She didn't have that happy tone in her voice anymore. Her eyes were filled with anger, and she screamed at the top of lungs...

Malon: YOU BROKE THE ROOF OF THE BARN!

Link: Wha...?

Finally recollecting his thoughts, facepalming and Navi chewing him out, he looked back at Malon and said...

Link: Sorry. I'll fix it if you want.

Malon's eyes widened. Did he just...volunteer to fix the roof? Usually, when something happens at the ranch, her Dad was too drunk to handle it and Ingo was too much of an ass to help her. So somebody offering to help her was new to her.

Malon: I'm sorry, what did you say?

Link: Do you want me to fix the roof?

Malon: Uh...sure?

[An hour passes]

Link finished up the roof and jumped down where Malon greeted him with more milk. He drank it down almost instantly, not because he was thirsty or hurt, but because he LOVED milk!

Malon: Wow, it looks brand new! Thanks, Link.

Link: No problem.

Malon: Maybe I should reward you...

Link's eyes widened and his face turned red. Link backed up very slowly and was about to dart off until she saw the look Malon gave him.

Malon: What're you doing?

Link: You're not gonna...kiss me, are you?

Malon: What? No. Don't be silly fairy boy.

Link: Really? Phew, good...

Malon smirked and decided to take this opportunity to tease Link again. But as soon as she opened her mouth, she heard a 'Neigh' coming from the stables. A horse sounded like it was in pain.

Malon: That sounds like Epona!

Link: Who?

Before Malon could answer, she heard the horse cry out again, this time it sounded like it was being hurt by something. Or someone. Malon grabbed Link by his hand and the two darted over to the stables. Malon reached for the handle, but Link stopped her, and snuck over to the window. The two peeked in to see Ingo struggling with a foal. (Foal is a young horse)

Ingo: Gah! Stupid horse. Come on!

The horse fought back and kicked Ingo in the shin. Ingo got angry and hit the horse. Malon gasped and Link ducked both of their heads down. Ingo heard Malon gasp and called her out.

Ingo: Alright, where are you? Get out here!

Malon didn't move an inch. She was terribly afraid of Ingo. Remembering a tactic he used to shake off Ingo in Castle Town, Link took out a pouch full of magic dust and sprinkled it on Malon, then on him. Within a matter of seconds, Link looked more like Malon. He signaled for Malon to stay there and opened the door to the stables. Ingo spotted Link, thinking he was Malon, and started yelling at him.

**Time for something a bit more...dark.**

Ingo: Alright, tell me what's wrong with this horse. Now!

Link: What's wrong? What's wrong?! You keep hitting her!

Ingo: So? It's just a horse!

Link headbutted Ingo in the stomach, and Ingo fell over. The magic from the dust wore off and Link was back to his old self. Ingo looked up and saw Link glaring at him. Menacingly.

Ingo: Hey, you're that kid from the market. What're you doing here? And where's Malon?

Link: Why are you abusing this horse?

Ingo: Answer my question fi-

Link: No! You answer MY question first!

Ingo: I...I don't have to answer to you! You're just a kid!

Link lifted his foot up and kicked Ingo in the face.

**Wait a sec...**

**(keyboard strokes are heard)**

**There we go.**

A split second before Link kicked Ingo, his boot was transformed entirely into Iron. So when Link kicked Ingo in the face, it hurt. Oh, Din Damn did it hurt! And as quickly as it appeared, the Iron on his boot disappeared and was replaced with regular old leather. Link wasn't sure how or why it happened, but he didn't complain about it. Link crouched down so that he could meet Ingo face-to face. His eyes were filled with complete hatred and spoke with a heavy voice.

Link: Never...let me catch you...hurting...that horse...again. GOT IT?!

Ingo: Yes! I understand! I got it! Please, let me go!

Link stood up, backed away from Ingo and threw a Deku Nut at the ground. The flash blinded Ingo. As soon as he regained his sight, he looked around the stable. Link was nowhere in sight. Ingo stood up and started taking care of the horse like he was SUPPOSED to do in the first place. Malon watched from the window in utter amazement. She couldn't believe what she just saw. But...one thing was still on her mind. Where did Link go?

**Okay, that's enough of that.**

Link: Well, that's taken care of.

Malon jumped a little and spun around to see Link standing on a crate. He hopped down and looked at Malon with a smile on his face. She was absolutely dumbfounded. He had just beaten the snot out of Ingo and now he's all 'happy?'

Malon: How in the...why did you...but I thought...but...what just happened?!

Link: I stopped Ingo from hurting that horse, like you were gonna do.

Malon: But I wasn't gonna hurt him!

Link: Would he stop if you told him to stop?

Malon: ...well, I guess you're right. But what made you so mad that you had to go beat him up?

Link: Well, maybe it's the fact that the current author made me absolutely hate Ingo.

**Vic: Don't break the Din Damn Fourth Wall!**

Link: ...and the fact that I hate animal abuse.

Malon: Oh...well, thank you for saving that horse. She means a lot to me.

Link: No problem. Hey, where's your dad? I suddenly feel like I need to check up on him.

Malon: He's in the house over there.

Malon pointed to her house in the distance. Even from so far away, they could still hear Talon snoring.

Link: Okay. Thanks.

Malon: No problem.

Link walked off to the house, leaving Malon behind to tend to her horse and completely hate Ingo. Link walked up to the door and opened it. Inside the house, were a a bunch of Cuccos, some hay and a lazy man who was snoring like there was no tomorrow. Link walked over to the man, who you pretty much know now that his name is Talon, and woke him up. Talon slowly opened his eyes and looked at Link, whom he instantly recognized.

Talon: Hey! If it isn't the kid who woke me up at the castle. What can I do for ya, little buddy?

Link: I was just coming to check up on you. You seem to have your hands full.

Talon: Bah, the cuccos ain't a problem. In fact, you see these ones right here?

Link looked at the three cuccos that Talon had referred to.

Link: Yes?

Talon: These are special ones. I call them 'Super Cuccos!'

Link: There...really isn't much of a difference between these ones and the other cuccos.

Talon: Oh, isn't there? Tell ya what, let's play a game. I'll throw these cuccos into the other cuccos and you need to find them within the time limit.

Link: Time limit?

Talon: Up there.

Talon pointed at the timer above Link's head. The timer displayed 3 minutes on it. Link, of course, was confused, since this stuff doesn't really happen in real life. Seriously. He was kinda scared.

Talon: Once I throw these cuccos into the other ones, the timer will start counting down. When it reaches zero, the game ends. If you can't find them all, then I win. And if you win, I'll give you a prize.

Link: Hmm... I guess I'll try it.

Talon: Alright. Here we go. 3...2...uh...1...uh, what was the next word?

Link: Go?

Talon: That's it! GO!

And with the flick of his wrist, the super cuccos flew into the the crowd of the other cuccos and the timer started to count down. Link wasted no time in finding the cuccos.

[2:57 minutes later]

Link picked up the last super cucco and held it up high. Talon was impressed and completely entertained. He told Link that it was the right one and Link put the cucco down. He walked back over to Talon to see what his prize would be.

Talon: Hahahahaha! Never in my life have I seen something that entertaining! You are one good 'Super-Cucco-Finder-Guy.'

Link: Heheh, thanks. _Those cuccos almost killed me! I had better get something good..._ so, what's my prize?

Talon: Oh yeah! Alright, you're gonna love this...

Link: ?

Talon: (ahem) I, Talon LonLon, officially give to you, Link...uh, what's your last name?

Link: I don't have one.

Talon: Uh...Oh! I got one. How about...Avalon?

Link: Link Avalon? Well, it does have a nice ring to it... meh, I guess so.

Talon: Alright. (ahem) I, Talon LonLon, officially give to you, Link Avalon, my daughter's hand in marriage.

Link: ...excuse me?

Talon: I, Talon LonLon, officially-

Link: No, I heard you the first time. It's just that...I don't really understand what you mean.

Just then, Navi poked her head out of Link's hat. Apparently, she had been sleeping the whole time.

Navi: Geez...can't a fairy get some sleep around here?

Link: Navi, can I ask you something?

Navi: Make it quick, I'm really tired...

Link: What does 'marriage' mean?

Just like that, Navi quickly perked up, flew out of Link's hat and gave him a look that said 'I'm sorry, did I hear you right?'

Navi: Where...where did you hear that word?

Link: Talon told me that for winning his 'cucco game,' that I could have his Malon's hand in marriage. So, what does marriage mean?

Navi almost fainted. She looked at Link with a horrified expression on her face. Link was confused. He looked back over at Talon and asked him a question.

Link: Marriage isn't a bad thing, right?

Talon: It depends on who you're married to. Bwahahahahaha!

Link: Okay...so what does marriage mean?

Navi: Link, marriage means that you have to marry someone!

Link: Marry?

Navi: Spend the rest of your life with someone! The person you're married to is the person you spend your whole life with!

Link: Wait...so I have to spend my whole life with Malon?

Navi: Yes!

Link: ...

Navi: ...

Link: That's actually not that bad.

Talon: Hahah, I'm just kidding, Link. Maybe when you're older.

Navi: That was a sick joke, you drunkard!

Talon: Hey, I'm just havin' a bit of fun with the boy. Don't bite my head off.

Just then, Malon walked in to see what all the noise was about. She saw Navi arguing with her father and Link standing near the door, very confused. Link slowly backed away from the pair, not knowing that Malon was there, and reached for the door handle. But...he accidentally grabbed something else.

Malon: HEY! (smack)

Link: Ow! What the...?!

While Link was reaching for the doorknob, he accidentally grabbed Malon's-

**Malon: Woah, woah, woah! Stop it! Stop it right there!**

**Vic: What?**

**Malon: You can't put that in this story!**

**Vic: I can't put that he grabbed your hair?**

**Malon: ...**

**Vic: ?**

**Malon: *processing***

**Vic: (Looks at her watch)**

**Malon: Wait, so he wasn't gonna grab my-**

**Vic: Malon, get your mind out of the gutter already! You think I'd actually put that in here?**

**Malon: It wouldn't be the first time you messed things up.**

**Vic: ...I'm gonna pretend that I didn't hear that.**

Link: Malon?! Where did you come from?

Malon: Link, it took me a long time to get my hair this way and you just messed it up.

Link: I'm sorry. I didn't know you were there.

Malon: Whatever. Follow me.

Link and Malon walked out of the house, leaving Talon and Navi to argue for a LONG time. Malon was a little curious about what was going on in there. About why the fairy was yelling at her dad, and why Link was so confused.

Malon: What happened in there? Why were your fairy and my dad arguing?

Link: Apparently, because I beat this 'game' or something, I won your hand in marriage. Turns out it was just a joke, though.

Malon: Marriage? What's that?

Link: Spending the rest of your life with someone, or so I'm told.

Malon: Oh...hey, we can be married!

Link stopped walking and looked at Malon like he was talking to a crazy person.

Link: What?

Malon: Yeah. You and I can be married together!

Link: Uh...okay? But, your dad said that I have to wait until I get older.

Malon: That's okay. I'll wait.

Link didn't say anything the rest of the way. For some reason, being married to Malon made him feel... embarrassed. He didn't know why. It just did. Link shook it off and continued walking with Malon. Wait, where were they going?

Malon: Here we are! Fairy boy, I'd like you to-

Link: (ahem)

Malon: Sorry. Link, I'd like you to meet my friend. Epona. The one you saved from Ingo. Remember?

Link: Oh yeah. Hey there, little foal.

Link tried to pet Epona, but she ran away from him. Link wasn't sure why.

Link: Was it something I said?

Malon: Oh, it's not that. She's just really shy. Try singing to her. She loves it when people sing to her.

Link: Uh...you do it. I'm not really good at singing.

Malon: Suit yourself.

Without further ado, she started singing Epona's song. Epona immediately turned around and ran back to Malon, nuzzling up to her. Link pulled out his Ocarina and attempted to play the song. Surprisingly, he got it right the first time. Epona left Malon and went over to Link, slowly and cautiously. Link kept playing the song, and Epona kept getting closer and closer. Finally, Link stopped playing and reached out to pet the foal. This time, Epona didn't run away. She stayed there and let Link pet her. Malon watched this in amazement. Epona had always been very shy and it wasn't like her to warm up to somebody really quick. Then again, Link DID save Epona from being beaten by Ingo. Still, it takes a while.

Malon: Oh, Epona...she's grown fond of you, fairy boy.

Link smiled and looked down at Epona. This foal was gonna come in handy one day. Of that, he was sure. Epona left Link and walked up to Malon. Link was about to say something, but then he heard a shout coming from the house. A very familiar one.

Link: Navi! Oh no, Tatl must've gotten to her!

Malon: Tatl?

Link rushed over to the house with Malon running after him. He burst through the door and rushed to find Navi. Although, it wasn't what he expected. Talon was looking all over the place with a flyswatter in his hand. Apparently, he was trying to squash his fairy. Navi flew around the room with Talon chasing her. She saw that Link was at the door and she flew right into his hat. Link, taking the hint, ran outside and back to the field where Epona was at. Malon caught up to him.

Navi: Is the coast clear?

Link: Yeah.

Navi: Good. Link, we need to leave. Now.

Link: But...

Navi: Unless you want me to be squashed by that psycho! No offense.

Malon: None taken.

Link: Well, I guess we do need to get going. Hey Malon, do you know where Kakariko Village is?

Malon: Yeah. Why? Are you leaving?

Link: Yeah. I have to.

Malon: Alright. Epona, come here, girl.

Epona galloped over to them. Malon went into the barn and came back out with a saddle. She put it on Epona's back and hopped on.

Malon: Hop on.

Link: What?

Malon: We're going to Kakariko.

Link: Uh, okay?

Link got onto Epona's back. Epona started trotting forward and out of the ranch into Hyrule Field.

Malon: You might wanna hold on. She's not the fastest mare in Hyrule for nothing.

Link: Hold on to what?

Malon: Just hold on.

Link braced himself. Malon reared Epona up and started riding at full speed. Link was scared for his life, but it looked like Malon was having the time of her life. They approached the gate to Kakariko, only to find that it was locked. Malon was disappointed.

Malon: Locked?! But Kakariko Village is never locked!

Link: Hang on...

Link got off of the horse and walked up to the gate. He dug into his endless pouch and pulled out the key that Impa had given him. He unlocked the gate and pushed it open. Epona trotted into the village with Malon still on her back. Once they were in, Epona came to a stop and Malon got off. Link said his goodbyes to both the horse and to the farm girl.

* * *

Link: I guess this is where we part ways.

Malon: I guess so. I'll miss you. And so will Epona.

Link: I'll miss you two, too.

Malon: Uh, before I go...can I ask you something?

Link: Sure, I guess...

Malon: How come you got so embarrassed when you thought I was gonna kiss you?

Link: I...uh...well...you see...uh...

Malon: You like me. Don't you?

Link: It's not that. It's just that...uh...

Malon: Just what?

Link: (whispers to Navi) Please help me out of this one...

Navi: (whispers back) Fine. (flies out of Link's hat) You see, Malon. He doesn't like you.

Malon: Oh...

Navi: He loves you.

Link: What?

Malon: Really?

Navi: Yep. Ever since he met you, he wouldn't shut up about you.

Link: I-I never said that!

Navi: He's lying. So, there you have it. He's in love with you.

Link: Don't I get a say in this?

Navi: (whispers to Malon) What he really wants is for you to kiss him again...

Malon: Really?

Navi: Yep.

Link: What? What're you two talking about.

Malon walked up to Link, wrapped her arms around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Link's face turned bright red. Malon blushed a little bit and walked back. She got back on Epona and looked back at Link, who was still as red as a tomato.

Malon: Bye, fairy b- Oops. I mean, Link.

And with a wink, she rode out of the village, back to the ranch. Link stood there, his face still as red as a baboon's ass. Navi flew up to him and snapped him out of it. Link's face turned back to normal and he looked back at Navi.

Link: W-what just happened?

Navi: Your welcome.

Link: What?

Navi: Don't act so innocent. I saw those subtle hints you were dropping. Admit it. You're in love with Malon.

Link: What? No, I'm not!

Navi: Denial.

Link: I'm not! I swear!

Navi: You're lying to yourself.

Link: I'm telling the truth!

Navi: Just admit it, already.

Link: Argh! Fine! Okay, maybe I liked Malon that way. Maybe I don't really mind it when she calls me 'fairy boy.' Maybe I don't mind when she kisses me. So what? Sue me!

Link stomped over to the nearby well and just sat down, hating himself for some reason. Navi flew up to him, sat on his shoulder and tried to cheer him up.

Navi: I'm just teasing you, Link. I think it's great that you like her. I mean, Saria does, and I don't know if Zelda does. But Malon seems like she really likes you.

Link: That's the thing. I'm in love with Zelda, but she thinks of me as a friend. Saria is in love with me, but I only think of her as a friend. Malon is the only one that shares mutual feelings with me. I'm caught in a love triangle!

Navi: But there's four people.

Link: Fine, a love square, or something like that.

Navi: Aw, cheer up, Link. It could be worse. You could be married to a fish princess.

Link: Don't jinx me, Navi.

Navi: Alright, fine. Come on, let's get going.

Link: Can I just get a little bit of rest?

Navi: (sigh) Alright. But only because I know you're hurting.

Link: _Hurting?!_ What's that supposed to mean?

?: EEEEEEEEEK!

Out of nowhere, a shriek came from the village. A woman was sitting there, extremely worried about something. Link got up and walked over to the woman to see what was wrong.

Link: Are you alright?

?: No! My Cuccos got out and I don't know where they are!

Link: Calm down! I can get them back for you.

The woman looked at Link. She was no longer worrying. She was surprised. At least, as far as Link could tell.

?: You will?

Link: Yeah, it should be simple. How many are there?

?: Seven. Well, last time I checked, there were seven.

Link: No problem. I'll get them back for you.

?: Thank you. I'll wait here.

Link walked off in search of the missing cuccos. Navi was a little confused. Link had just said he was tired, yet he gets up and goes to look for cuccos for someone.

Navi: I thought you were tired.

Link: I am. But, this should be easy. I mean, there are seven of them. How long could it take?

[30 Minutes Later]

Link ran back to the Cucco lady, or at least that's what he called her, and put the last cucco back in it's pin. The Cucco lady smiled and looked back at Link.

?: Thank you so much! Here, I have something for you. It may not be much, but you can use it for something else.

The Cucco lady reached into her bag and pulled out a glass bottle. She gave it to Link as his reward for helping her. So much for a reward.

Link: Uh...thanks? One question, though, and I'm not trying to be mean or rude. Why didn't you get them?

?: I'm allergic to cuccos. I wouldn't work with them if I needed the money.

Link: Oh, I understand. By the way, what's your name?

?: My name? It's Anju. Why?

Link: Just curious. I'm Link.

Anju: Well, it's very nice to meet you, Link. I'll come find you if my cuccos get out again. Hahah.

Link: Heheh, okay._ Not a chance in hell._

Link walked away from the Cucco lady. Navi flew out from under Link's hat and started pointing him toward the direction of Death Mountain.

Navi: Come on, Link! We need to get to Death Mountain.

Link: Hang on, Navi. I wanna see what else this town has.

Link looked around the town for something that might be interesting. It was a very...quiet town. Nothing much to do, really. Then, he saw it. The Kakariko Graveyard. Meh, he could go for seeing some dead folk. He walked past the Cucco lady and the windmill and entered the graveyard. All he saw there were a ton of graves, a shack, and a boy poking a stick at the ground. He walked past the graves and looked at the names of each one until he stopped at two particular ones. Link crouched down and read the name of the first one.

Link: 'Lily Avalon.' Funny, that's the same last name that Talon gave me. Maybe that's where he got it from.

Link looked over at the second grave and read it out loud.

Link: 'Jacob Avalon.' I guess these two were married. _Jacob and Lily...why do their names sound so familiar to me?_

Link stood up and walked away from the graves. There was something about those two. He just couldn't put his finger on it. He kept walking until he got to a giant grave with the words 'Royal Family Tomb' carved into it. He saw that the royal family crest was at his feet also. Just then, he remembered something that Impa told him.

**[Flashback]**

Impa: Remember, whenever you see the Royal Family Crest, you must play Zelda's lullaby. Do you understand?

**[End Flashback]**

Link took out his ocarina and started playing Zelda's lullaby. After he finished the song, it started to rain. Which was weird, since there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Lightning crashed down onto the grave and it exploded. Link was knocked back by the force of the explosion. His hat was blown off, with Navi still in it. When Link stood back up, all that remained of the grave was a hole. Link stood up and walked over to it. It was dark. So dark that he couldn't see the bottom. Link slowly backed away from it, but at that moment, a Poe appeared and pushed him in Link fell into the hole face first and hit the ground. He was unconscious.

**[Thirty Minutes Later]**

Link woke up with a big gash on his forehead. He ignored it and stood up. He was a little weak, but he could still walk. He walked through the door that was in front of him and saw something very disturbing. It was a crypt. Full of skeletons, rotting corpses and Keese. Link quickly killed the Keese and went through the next door. In this room, he could hear moaning, and noxious gas filled the room. He walked down the hall and into the next room to see...zombies?

Link:_ 'They're called Redeads, Link! Watch out, or they'll kill you, you idiot!' I wonder why Navi isn't helping me? Wait, why does my head feel colder?_

At that moment, a redead screamed and paralyzed Link. The redead kept getting closer and closer to him, until it finally leaped at him. Link ran across the room as fast as he could. He got to the door, opened it and ran into the room. He never wanted to see another redead for as long as he lived. Well, too bad. In this room, the gas was still in the room, but thankfully, there were no Redeads. Link walked up to the wall and saw that a dog was carved into the stone. He took out his ocarina and attempted to play the song. He got it right, but nothing happened. At least, he didn't see anything. He walked out of the room and into the room with the Redeads. He braced himself but quickly realized that they were all frozen. He left the tomb as fast as he could. He climbed back up to the surface and laid down on the ground. It was still day time, but it had felt like hours had passed. Link layed down on the grass and drifted off into dream land.

**Kirby: How come you never do a story about me, you stupid...**

**Vic: (WHACK) No! Bad Kirby! Back in the dungeon with you!**

Navi: Link?! Link, where are you?! I can't see!

Link had just gotten to sleep until Navi woke him up. He stood up, grabbed his hat off her head and put it back on him. Navi looked at Link. Then at the hat. Then back at Link. Navi: Oh, don't tell me I was in your hat again...

Link: Yes. Look, Navi, I'm really tired.

Navi: But it isn't even noon yet.

Link: I don't care what time it is. Please, just let me rest.

Before Navi could speak, Link fell to the ground and fell asleep. Well, almost. The ground was unusually rocky, for some reason. And there was this sharp pain in his back. It REALLY hurt. Link opened his eyes and looked up at his health bar. ONLY 1 LEFT?! Link bounced off of the ground and spun around to face what was hurting him. There, on the ground, was a Skulltula. Made ENTIRELY out of Gold. Link drew his sword and started slashing at the creature. It died after only a couple of sword slashes, and as it disappeared, it dropped something.

Link picked it up, only to have Navi chime in, telling him it was a token for beating these 'Gold Skulltulas.' Link became a bit more interested and wanted to know more about the Gold Skulltulas, but Navi said that she didn't know, and that somebody in town might know about them. And with that, Link picked up the token, put it in his pocket and made his way toward the village. He questioned every villager he passed, but they all seemed to tremble in fear. Until he got to a certain one, more specifically, the Carpenter, who his name he learned is Mutoh.

Link: Excuse me, do you know anything about the Gold Skultullas? And if you do, can you tell me?

Mutoh: Look, kid. If you want to know more about those 'things' go to that house over there.

Link: Thanks. You're the only one that would actually help me.

Link started to run towards the house, until the carpenter stopped him.

Mutoh: Hey, kid! Wait!

Link: Huh?

The carpenter was looking at Link's shield.

Mutoh: That's some fine wood you got there, kid.

Link: Uh...thanks?

Needless to say, Link ran out of there as fast as he could and made his way to the house. He opened he door and stepped inside. Inside the house were a lot of cobwebs, so he guessed that the house was pretty old. He heard a moaning sound coming from the middle of the room. Thinking it was a redead, he drew his sword and waited for them to jump out. He slowly inched toward the center of the room, where a Skultulla was dropping down from the ceiling. Link was about to attack, but the Skultulla protested.

?: Stop! Please, don't hurt me!

Link was confused. The Skultulla just...talked? They aren't supposed to talk. Link walked a bit closer, but couldn't see anything. The Skultulla saw Link straining to see what he was.

?: Dave! Turn on the lights! We got a visitor!

The lights flickered on and the whole room was lit up. Link could see the that the Skultulla actually wasn't a Skultulla after all. It was a...human. Needless to say, Link was scared out of his mind to the point where his tunic was almost yellow in the front and brown in the back. Almost, but not.

Link: W-what are you?!

?: Me? I'm Adam. I live here with my brothers.

Link: But, why are you...

Adam: Oh...this. Don't worry, we can explain. Y'see, my brothers and I were cursed by this giant spider made ENTIRELY out of Gold. We're stuck like this until the curse is broken.

Link: H-how do you break he curse?

Adam: Well, 100 Gold Skultulla Tokens have to be gathered before any of us can turn back to normal.

Link: Gold Skultulla Tokens? You mean like this?

Link reached into his pocket and pulled out the token that he received earlier. Adam was shocked, and so were his brothers.

Adam: H-h-how did you get that?!

Link: I killed one of those Gold Skultullas.

Adam: But...Gold Skultullas are incredibly hard to kill!

Link: Not for me apparently.

Adam: This...this is perfect! You can break our curse!

Link: I can what?

Adam: You! You were the one to kill this Skultulla. Which means you have the power to break this curse! Please, break it for us!

Link: So, you want me to go on a hunt for 100 Gold Skultullas...

Adam: Well, not immediately. But, keep an eye out for them, please?

Link: Can do. I'm just...uh...gonna leave now.

Adam: Thank you! Thank you so much!

Link opened the door and left the house of the half-skultulla-people, and went to barf in the well. Never in his life did he want to see something like that EVER again!

Link: Ugh, that was so disgusting!

Navi: Hey! Sir Barfs-A-Lot! _Heh, that's a good one. I need to remember that._ We still need to get to Death Mountain, y'know!

Link: I'm with you on that. This village is...horrifying!

The duo made their way to the path that lead to Death Mountain, where a guard was standing. Link walked up to the guard and explained to him that he had to go to Death Mountain.

Link: Excuse me, I need to get to Death Moun-

Guard: No!

Link: What?! Why?

Guard: Did you not read the sign over there? Oh, that's right. You're a kid! Bwahahahahaha!

Link: Hey! I'm not just a kid.

Guard: Yes, you are. Now, go on! Go find your parents or something.

Link: My parent's are dead, you ass!

Link walked away from the guard, frustrated that he couldn't gain entry to Death Mountain. Just before he went down the stairs, Navi popped out and stopped him again.

Navi: Link! Have you forgotten already?!

Link: What?

Navi: The letter that Princess Zelda gave you?

The guard overhead their conversation. He started getting interested whenever the Princess was brought up. Link stared at Navi in confusion.

Navi: Do not tell me that you lost it...

Link: Lost what?

Navi: The letter from Zelda!

**[Flashback]**

Zelda: Take this letter. It should help you out if you run into any trouble with the guards.

Link: The guards here?

Zelda: No, not here! Just, hold onto it, okay?

**[End Flashback]**

Link: (snap) Oh YEAH! That one! Yeah, it's in my 'infini-pouch' somewhere...

Navi: Infini-Pouch?

Link: Yeah. Y'know, short for Infinite Pouch?

Navi: (sigh)

Link dug through his pocket until he found the letter. He turned back around, faced the guard and handed him the letter. The guard took the letter and began to read it.

Guard: A letter? From Princess Zelda? Let me see that... 'This is Link. He is under my orders to save Hyrule.' BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What has our princess gotten into now?! Ahahahahahaaaaaaa!

Link was getting annoyed right about now. Once the guard was done laughing his head off, he looked at Link and handed the letter back to him.

Guard: Okay then, Mr Hero, you can pass. But, I'm not responsible for you.

The guard turned around and opened up the gate. Link was about to step through until the guard stopped him again.

Guard: A word of advice, kid. If I were you, I'd get a better shield. There's one at the Bazaar in Castle Town. Tell the shopkeeper that Eddie sent you. He'll give you a discount.

Link: Meh, I guess I COULD use a better shield... Alright.

Guard: Okay. Oh, hey. Also, if you're going to Castle Town, do you mind picking up a mask from the Happy Mask Shop? My son has been begging me for a mask from there, but I can't leave my post.

Link: I will. _If I can afford it._

Link walked down the stairs and to the gate of the village. He walked down some more stairs and ended up in Hyrule Field. Since Kakariko was right next to Castle Town, it wouldn't take long to get there and back. Navi flew out of Link's hat again and started nagging at him.

Navi: Nagging?! Oooh, you're asking for it, Vic!

**Vic: STOP BREAKING THE DIN DAMN FOUTH WALL, DAMMIT!**

Link: Who are you talking to?

Navi: Uh...no one. Anyways, Link, what do you think you're doing?! We need to get to Death Mountain and you're going to buy a mask?!

Link: AND a shield! I need a better shield if I wanna survive that mountain.

Navi: Well, I can't argue with that. Let's just get this over with...

And with that, Navi flew back into his hat and Link made his way back to Castle Town.

* * *

?: HOOT! HOOT!

Link: Not this time...

While still running, Link pulled out his slingshot, fired it, and hit that Owl in the eye. The owl dropped like a rock, and Link went past the drawbridge and into the town. The first thing Link did when he entered Castle Town was to directly to the Bazaar. Link walked into the building to find a big hairy man, similar to Talon but with more muscles, standing at the counter. Link walked up to the counter and spoke to the man about the shield.

Shopkeeper: Can I help ya, son?

Link: Yeah, I need to buy a new shield. Eddie sent me.

Shopkeeper: You know the guard in Kakariko? I guess I'll need to give you a discount.

The man reached behind him, pulled the Hylian Shield off the shelf and dropped it on the counter with a thud.

Shopkeeper: This is the only one we got in stock. And since you know Eddie, it's half off. 40 rupees.

Link: Deal.

Link reached into his wallet, pulled out forty rupees and gave it to the man. He took the rupees, put them in his pocket, and handed Link the shield. It was much heavier than Link thought, so he had to wear it on his back, like a turtle.

Shopkeeper: There ya go. Have a nice day.

Link: Thanks...

Link walked out of the store and headed for the Happy Mask Shop. He opened the door to the shop to find a man with a VERY big smile on his face. Obviously, he was way too excited about a store that sells masks.

Happy Mask Salesman: Welcome, welcome! How may I help you?

Link: I'd like to buy one of those...Keaton Masks, please.

HMS: Very well.

The salesman pulled the Keaton mask off of the shelf and handed it to Link.

Link: Thanks. So, how much do I owe you?

HMS: Nothing.

Link: Wait, so I can have this for free? SWEET! Thanks!

HMS: No, wait! I-

Link opened the door and ran out before the salesman could say anything else. Alright, Link had everything he needed, and now he could go to-

?: COME ONE, COME ALL! We have VERY rare merchandise for sale. From an album of some group called 'Party Rocking,' to a rare sword found only in the lands of mysteria-

Link stopped in his tracks. Apparently, this 'rare shop' thing was selling 'rare merchandise.' Link walked up to the booth to find a man, in his 40's, dressed all in green. He looked at Link and went crazy.

?: You, sir! You look like you have a lot of rupees. Come, buy my merchandise! We have some from far away lands, some that are only found underground, in the sky, or 1000 years from now!

Just then, Navi flew out of his hat.

Navi: Link, have you already forgotten that we...

She paused mid-sentence as soon as she saw the shopkeeper. The man stared at her in utter amazement and Navi...let's just say she regretted leaving the hat.

Navi: _Oh no... Anybody but this guy..._

?: Oh! It's the rich fairy that bought my dress! How's it holding up, my dear?

Navi: It's...surprisingly durable, I'll give you that.

Link: Navi? You've met this guy before?

Navi: Uh...well, you could say that...y'see, when you and that owl were arguing, I flew into town to see what's in it. I ran into a booth that had the CUTEST dress that was my size and-

Link: Cut to the chase.

Navi:_ Impatient little... _Long story short, this guy...uh, Tingle?

?: That's me! Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah!

Navi: Yeah...he thinks I'm a rich fairy now.

Tingle: You are rich, my dear! You gave me TEN WHOLE RUPEES!

Link: (facepalm) Look, Tickle or whatever your name is, I heard you say that you had an album called 'Party Rocking.'

Tingle: It's Tingle, kid. And yes I do!

Link: Okay, how much is it?

Tingle: I will give it to you for the price of...

Navi: (whispers to Link) Watch this, he's gonna sell it for super cheap...

Tingle: 9001 Rupees!

Link's jaw dropped to the ground. So did Navi's.

Link: It's...it's...

Navi gave him a death glare.

Navi: Link...don't you dare...

Link: OVAR 9000!

Navi facepalmed herself, looked up in the sky, and shouted to the heavens.

Navi: Hey, Vic! Can I get a frying pan here?

**Vic: Only if you promise to stop breaking the fourth wall!**

Navi: Fine. I, Navi the fairy, promise to stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Vic: That's more like it.**

And with a flash of light, a frying pan appeared in Navi's hand, to which she swung and hit Link in the back of the head.

Link: OW! Son of a RUTO, that hurt!

Tingle: So, kid, do we have a deal here or not?

Link: My name is Link. And we have NO DEAL! Why would you sell it for that much?!

Tingle: Well, the rich fairy told me that I had to sell my merchandise for more. So, I took her advice because I was desperate.

Link shot a death glare at Navi. Navi looked away again and pretended like she didn't do it.

Link: _If I had a hammer right now..._ Is there any way I can lower the price, Tingle?

Tingle: I suppose I can give it to you for a modest price...how about 9000 rupees?

Link: No.

Tingle: 8999?

Link: Not even close.

Tingle: Fine! Then YOU tell me how much you want to pay for it!

Link: Hmmm...I'll give you...1000 rupees.

Tingle: 2000.

Link: 1200.

Tingle: 1500.

Navi: Link, what're you...

Link: Would you hang on? I got this. 1300.

Tingle: 1400.

Link: 1320.

Tingle: 1350!

Link: 1330.

Tingle: Grrr...1340! That's as low as I'm going!

Link: Oooooh, I'm three rupees short, will you take that?

Tingle: Fine! Deal! Whatever! Just give me the money and take it!

Link handed Tingle the money and walked off with the album. Tingle looked very disappointed, but happy that he at least made a sale. Link looked at Navi and smirked.

Link: How do you like that? I just haggled our way into about an 80 percent discount.

Navi: You gave him...1337 rupees?

Link: Yep.

Navi: Where did you get that kind of money?!

Link: I didn't.

Navi: Then how did you-

Link: Spray paint.

Navi: Well played. So how much did you end up paying for it?

Link: Like, 8 rupees.

Navi: Well, I'm proud of you. I never thought that someone like you would be able to outsmart a merchant.

Link raised an eyebrow.

Link: What's that supposed to mean?

Navi: Uh, nothing...

Link: Okay...well, I got this back for Chuck, Impa's writing a book about the Origin of the Sheikah for me for Phillip. Now all I need to do is get a sword signed by-

As they were walking, Link bumped into someone. A woman. Link, because of the shield on his back, lost his balance and fell over backwards. The woman quickly helped him up to his feet. Link shot a dirty look at her, but that look quickly disappeared as soon as he saw exactly WHO the woman was.

Link: Impa?!

Impa: We meet again, Link. I thought I told you to stay away from the princess.

Link: I was just in town getting a few things I needed.

Impa: What could you possibly need?

Link: A better shield. Death Mountain is an active volcano, dontcha' know.

Impa: Very well. Well, you have what you need. Now leave!

Link: I was about to! Why do you-

?: Impa? What's wrong?

Link: Huh?

Standing behind Impa was none other than the princess of Hyrule herself, Zelda. Zelda saw Link and Navi standing there and waved at the both of them.

Zelda: Hi, Link. Hi, Navi.

Navi was shocked and Link was surprised. Link looked back up at Impa.

Link: So, THAT'S why you wanted me out of here.

Impa: Precisely. Now, leave. And go to Death Mountain!

Link: I was about to! You don't have to nag my head off.

Impa: What was that?!

Link: ...nothing...

Link really didn't want another beating from Impa again. Or worse. Zelda. Not that she had a reason to beat him up, or anything. Navi flew away from Link and up to Zelda.

Navi: Hey, Zelda, can I ask you a question?

Zelda: Go right ahead.

Navi: Do you mind if we can get an autograph from you? Preferably on a sword?

Zelda: Sure! I don't mind.

Impa interrupted them.

Impa: But, I do. Your highness, we do not have time for-

Zelda: Oh, stick a sock hat in it, Impa. It's just an autograph.

Impa was shocked by her 'choice of words.' She immediately shot a death glare at Link. Navi pulled out the spare sword from Link's Infini-Pouch and handed it to Zelda. The princess took out a pen and signed the hilt of the blade. Navi took the sword and placed it back in Link's pouch while he wasn't looking.

Navi: Link? I think it's about time for us to go now.

Link: Huh? Wait, but-

Navi: Now.

Link: Ugh, alright. Bye, Impa. Bye, Zel.

Zelda: What did you call me?

Link: Zel. Y'know, short for Zelda?

Zelda: ...don't call me that.

Link: Alright, fine. By the way, Impa, how's that book coming along?

Impa: The book? It's finished. I'll give it to you after you get the spiritual stones.

Link: Seriously? It's only been a few hours.

Impa: Let's just say that I write very fast. Now, begone with you.

Zelda: Bye, Link. Link: Bye, Zel.

Zelda: I told you not to-

Link ran off while the princess was talking. Link left Castle Town and made his way to Kakariko Village. He had a very 'confident' look on his face. Navi was a bit confused.

Navi: Why are you so happy?

Link: Because now I have all of my roommates broken stuff replaced. Now, we'll just need to take this to-

Navi: Oh, no you don't! We're going straight to-

Link: I am! I'll give these to them in a few days. They still probably need to cool down anyways.

Link and Navi continued walking until they got to Kakariko Village. Again. They walked past the house of skultullas, past the cucco lady, past well and up the stairs to the entrance where the guard was waiting for them.

Eddie: Well, if it isn't Mr. Hero. Got yourself a better shield, eh?

Link: Yep, and I got you this.

Link reached into his Infini-Pouch and pulled out the Keaton Mask that he got from the Happy Mask Salesman. The guard took it and inspected it.

Eddie: Hey, this is that 'Kea-something' mask that my son is always talking about. And it's in good condition, too!

Link: Enjoy it. It's all yours.

Eddie: Thanks, Mr. He-

Link: Would you stop calling me that? I have a name.

Eddie: Fine. Thank you, Link. Good luck on Death Mountain. You're gonna need it.

Link: Thanks.

And with that, Link and Navi walked past the gate and up the Death Moutain Trail, feeling very proud of themselves and finally bringing an end to this chapter.

Navi: Well, that was quite an...adventure.

Link: Yeah. Heheh. Wait until the other Kokiri hear this.

Navi: Yeah, heheh. Especially Saria.

Link: Yeah...SARIA!

Link stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around and ran past the gate, down the stairs, past the people, through the gate, across the small bridge and ran all the way towards Kokiri Forest. So much for the ending...

* * *

**[Four Hours Later]**

Link approached the entrance to the forest and ran inside. He stopped as soon as he set foot on the bridge. On the other side of this tunnel was his home. The home that he was kicked out of. Link cautiously walked up to the entrance with a Deku Nut in his hand. Until Navi stopped him.

Navi: Link! Are you insane?!

Link looked at the fairy, then at his hand, then back at the fairy.

Link: You're right. The Deku Nut will draw too much attention. I should use a rupee instead.

Navi: No! Not that! Are you really gonna risk getting spotted by the tribe that kicked you out for killing their guardian just to see Saria again?!

Link: Hey! You of all people should know that I'm innocent.

Navi: But they don't!

Link: Saria's my friend, Navi. I promised her that I'd come back and I'm gonna keep that promise.

Navi: You were gone for a day!

Link: Still!

Navi: Ugh, fine. Do what you want. Just be careful.

Link nodded his head and slowly walked into the forest. John, the gatekeeper, wasn't there like he always was. Actually, there were almost no Kokiri in the forest at all. All the houses had no light in them except for two. Link's house, and Mido's house. Link snuck over to his house and peeked through the window. Brad, Chuck and Phillip were all sitting there with sad faces.

Chuck: Alright, I'll be the first to say it. I regret kicking Link out...

Brad: I don't! That asshole deserves to die out there!

Chuck: What if he was telling the truth?

Brad: He wasn't! You saw the look on his face! He was guilty!

Phillip: Settle down, now. Saria said that he wasn't responsible for killing the Deku Tree.

Brad: Not that! Our stuff!

Link rolled his eyes. Just like Brad. Always thinking about himself.

Chuck: Will you drop it already?!

Brad: Make me!

Phillip: Enough! It doesn't matter if he broke your sword, or scratched your record, or if he destroyed my book. What really matters is that we convince Mido to let him come back.

Brad: You're talking like a nerd, Phil...

Phillip: I believe the proper term is 'pacifist.'

Brad: And I believe the proper term is 'wuss.'

Chuck: Can we all agree to just-

Brad: Shut up! You two are out of your mind if you want Link to come back! He is a low-life no good piece of s***! He deserves to die out there! He was a spineless, weak, stupid-

Link had heard enough. He rounded the corner and stood in the doorway. Brad was too busy to notice him, but Chuck and Phillip did. Link leaned at the edge of the doorway, with Brad's new sword in his hand, and listened to Brad's rant.

Brad: -and I'm glad that he's gone! He's just a worthless slimy little piece of-

Link swerves up from behind and puts the sword right next to Brad's neck.

Link: Think real hard about your next words, Brad.

Brad: What the- Link removed the blade from Brad's neck and smirked at his roommates. Chuck and Phillip were surprised, but Brad, of course, was angry.

Phillip and Chuck: Link?!

Brad: You! What're you doing back here?! Didn't we kick you out?!

Link: I was in town, getting you this.

Link took the blade that he was holding and gave it to Brad. He just stared back at Link in confusion.

Brad: A sword? I got, like, a ton of these. What makes this so special?

Link: Look at the hilt.

Brad took a look at the hilt, and there, on the hilt of the sword, was Princess Zelda's signature. Brad's eyes widened.

Brad: You...got it signed by Princess Zelda? But how?

Link: Let's just say that me and the princess are pretty close friends. Oh, Chuck, Phil, catch.

Link pulled out two more items and tossed them at the duo. Phillip caught the book, and Chuck caught the album. Both of their eyes widened.

Chuck: Dude! You got my album back!

Link: Yeah, I couldn't get it signed, though. Sorry.

Phillip: You actually obtained the 'Origin of the Sheikah' book?

Link: Sure did. The princess' Sheikah guardian, Impa, wrote it for me. It's not EXACTLY like the book, but it's more accurate.

Phillip: This is very generous of you, Link.

Chuck: Yeah, man! This is awesome!

Brad: I...I don't know what to say...

Link: How about an apology?

Brad: Don't push it.

Phillip: How can we repay you, Link?

Link: I'm looking for Saria. Do you know where she's at?

Phillip: I'm sorry, Link. We don't know where Saria is.

Chuck: Mido is having a meeting at his house. Go eavesdrop on them. Maybe they know where Saria is.

Link: Thanks. Oh, and promise me that you won't tell anybody that I'm here.

Chuck: No problemo, broski.

Phillip: My lips are sealed.

Brad: Go find Saria. We won't say anything.

Link: Thanks, guys.

Link left the house and snuck over to Mido's house. He snuck around to the back so that nobody would notice him at the entrance. He listened through the window in the back of Mido's house.

Fado: But, what are we going to do? With the Deku Tree dead, we have no guardian.

John: Yeah, Mido! You swore that you'd keep us safe, remember?!

Mido: Of course I remember! But you all need to remember that it was Link's fault that the Deku Tree died!

Link clenched his fists. He wanted more than anything to barge in there right now and bash Mido's head in, but he knew he's be caught if he did. The meeting continued.

Fado: How can you be so sure that it was Link who killed the Deku Tree?

Mido: You're just defending him because you like him...

Fado: I-I never said that!

Bob: What about Saria? Huh? Where did she go off to?!

Mido: I can't answer that!

Bob: Why not?!

Mido: Because, I...uh...

Bob: You're afraid to tell us, aren't you?

Mido: She's in the Lost Woods! She went in there a few days ago and she hasn't come back since! Is that what you want to hear, Bob?!

Link's eyes widened. He knew more than anybody that if you got lost in the Lost Woods that you could never find your way out. It was apparent to him now. Saria was in danger. Or, so he thought.

Mido: That's enough questions for tonight. Meeting Adjourned! All the Kokiri stood up and walked out of Mido's house. Link stood up and made his way up the vines and into the Lost Woods.

Link: Alright, If I remember correctly, the path is right, left, right, left, straight, left, right...

Link proceeded through the forest with the following pattern. Once he went through the last tunnel, he found himself at the Sacred Forest Meadow. The gate was locked and it looked like there was no way around it. Link turned around in an attempt to go home, but Wolfos came out and tried to attack him. Link defeated them with ease, then he heard a 'CLANK.' The gate behind him had disappeared. Link walked through the gate and ran through the maze, killing Deku Scrubs along the way. He finally reached the end of the maze and found himself at a hallway.

As he walked down the hallway, he began to hear music. More specifically, an Ocarina. Link sprinted to the stairs that lead to the heart of the Sacred Forest Meadow and found the source of the music: Saria, sitting on a stump, playing her Ocarina. Link was half relieved, and half surprised. Yeah, he wanted to see Saria again, but he didn't know it would be THIS soon. Link slowly approached her. Apparently, she hadn't seen him yet. She was so focused on her 'ocarina-playing' that she hadn't noticed-

Saria: I've been waiting for you, Link.

Link stopped dead in his tracks. She didn't even open her eyes. Her ears were filled with her own music. How'd she know he was there?

Link:_ Okay, that's a bit creepy..._ How did you know I was here?

Saria: I heard your footsteps... What're you doing here? I already taught you my song.

Link: _She did? She did! Ugh, gotta think of an excuse, gotta think of an excuse, gotta- I got it!_ Well, I came back to tell you that I met Princess Zelda and that I'm going on an adventure. I wanted you to be the first to know. Besides Navi. She already knows.

Navi: Y'know, you should be thanking me. I'm the one that reminded you to-

SMACK! Out of nowhere, Navi was hit with a flyswatter and was sent to the ground. You can probably guess who used it on her.

Saria: Reminded you to what?

Link: She reminded me to...to...to make a note on how to get back to the forest. Hyrule Field is huge! It's a miracle that I found my way back here. _Did she buy it? Oh please, Din, let her buy it..._

Saria: You're right. I did hear that it was bit outside of the forest. Wait, you actually met Princess Zelda? AND she's sending you on a quest?! Link, I'm so happy for you!

Saria got up and hugged Link. Hesitantly, he hugged her back. They stood there, hugging each other for a while. More than Link was used to at least. Link didn't know what he could do. He was feeling really uncomfortable. He didn't want to push her away, but he didn't want to be THIS close to her either. Saria pulled him in tighter, which gave him an uneasy feeling in his stomach. She lifted her head and gave him a small smile.

Saria: Thank you for keeping your promise.

Link: N-no problem, Saria. Uh...it's getting late, I should probably head back to-

Saria's smiled disappeared. She let go of Link and looked at him with a very confused look.

Saria: What? But you just got here.

Link: I know, but...

Saria: Can't you stay for a little bit longer? Please?

Link wasn't sure what to do. The way he saw it, he had two options. One, break his childhood friend's heart, leave her and risk losing their friendship, or two, stay with her and get to know her a LITTLE too much than he would want. He looked back at Saria. Her eyes were pleading for him to stay. He couldn't do it. He couldn't say 'no.' At least, HE couldn't.

Navi: (ahem) Listen, Saria, Death Mountain is a pretty long way away from here. If we wanna make it by nightfall, which it almost already is, then we have to get going.

Saria: Oh, okay... I get it... Your quest means more to you than me.

Link: Saria, that's not-

Saria: Link, I don't mind. I know that this is the opportunity of a lifetime. So...go out there and have fun. For me. Okay?

Navi: We certainly will. Come on, Link.

Navi fluttered over to the stairs and looked back to get a good look at Saria's face when she saw Link leave. Because, y'know, she hates her. But, Saria didn't look disappointed at all. Actually, she was just talking to Link. Navi couldn't hear what they were saying, so she just watched them. Finally, Saria's face brightened, she jumped up and locked Link in a hug that could kill a moblin. Navi, deciding that she had seen enough, flew over to them. She tugged on Link's shirt collar, indicating that they had to go, but Link wouldn't budge. Navi started to turn red.

Navi: Link? Hello? Are you forgetting that we have stones to find? Hey!

Link: Would you hang on? I'm trying to-

Navi grabbed Link by his ear and dragged him away from Saria. Once they were at the staircase, Link broke free and attempted to swat the annoying fairy away from him. Navi, in turn, flew up to him and silently screamed in his face.

Navi: Link, so far I put up with everything we've done today, but now, I'm putting my foot down! We don't have time to 'chit-chat' with old friends! What were you two talking about anyways?

Link: Well, I told her that...uh...how can I put this?

Navi: Spit it out! Link: Alright, alright! I told her we could stay here for the night.

Navi: ...

Link: She was on the verge of tears! What was I supposed to do?!

Navi: You... WHAT?! We don't have time for this, dammit! Don't you get that if we don't...don't get the spiritual sotnes in time, that Ga...(yawn)...Ganondorf would destroy...all...of...

That's as far as she got. She fell asleep in he middle of her rant. Link gently picked her up and put her under his hat. He turned back around and walked back over to Saria.

Link: So, yeah. We can stay for the night.

Saria: Yes! Woohoo! Oh, we are gonna have SO much fun! We can stay up late, tell each other scary stories, and in the morning, we can...Link?

She couldn't even finish her sentence. Link was lying on the ground, fast asleep, exhausted from doing so many side quests. Saria smiled and laid down next to him. She knew tomorrow would be a big day for him. And maybe, just maybe, for her too.

**Vic: Wow, that actually wasn't that bad. I think I may do more of these! What did you guys think?**

**Link: Please...no more...the sidequests...they burn!**

**Zelda: Too Long; Didn't Read.**

**Navi: It was pretty good.**

**Malon: Vic, you KNOW I hate Link!**

**(Vic stand up and puts her arm around Malon)**

**Vic: Malon, come on. Tell me the truth. Do you really hate Link?**

**Malon: (looks at Link, then back at Vic) Well...I don't HATE him. But I don't like him, either.**

**Vic: So, you're telling me that you never liked him as a friend? Or even something more?**

**Malon: Well, there was that one time when...wait, what are you getting at?**

**Vic: I'm just saying, Link is a good guy. You should give him another chance.**

**Malon: (crosses her arms) Alright, now you tell ME the truth. You're a MaLink fan, aren't you?**

**Vic: What? Pfft, no. That's ridiculous. Why would I-**

**Malon: (raises her eyebrow)**

**Vic: Well, it's not that...uh...**

**Malon: Vic...**

**Vic: Okay, a tiny bit. But I'm not the Mega Fan! It's Zehro! I'm ZeLink!**

**Malon: Zehro? Wait, how do you know?**

**Vic: I read his diary.**

**Malon: That's...a cookbook.**

**Vic: Potato, potahto.**

**Malon: Okay...? Wait, then what's with the heavy MaLink stuff near the beginning?**

**Vic: That's so that Zehro won't fire me after he realizes that I made this chapter.**

**Malon: Wait, he doesn't know?!**

**(Meanwhile, on the other side of the room)**

**Link: What're they talking about?**

**Navi: No idea.**

**Zelda: ****Oh, I almost forgot. ****(SLAP)**

**Link: Ow! What was that for?!**

**Zelda: You kinda like it when Malon kisses you? You wouldn't mind being married to her?!**

**Link: There's a reason behind it!**

**Zelda: And that is?**

**Link: Uh...I was young?**

**Zelda: Idiot.**

**Vic: I know Zehro is, but what am I?**

**Zelda: Interrupting, you-**

**Malon: Cow!**

**Zelda: Interrupting Co-**

**Vic: MOO!**

**Zelda: Grrr...**

**Vic: Haha! High five, bestie!**

**Link: Am I the only one with no friend here?**

**Vic: Yep! Who wants to do the outro?**

**Malon: I'll do it! Thank you for reading this extra long chapter. I hope it was worth the wait. Please favorite, follow, or review. Or all three. We'll see you next time!**

**?: Well, well, well. If it isn't Vicky the Demon Assassin.**

**Vic: Oh, no...**


	11. Ch 9: To Death Mountain!

**?: If it isn't 'Vicky the Demon Assassin...'**

**Vic: Oh dear goddesses...**

**?: I thought you'd show more respect to the person who-**

**Vic: Do you have to remind me all the time?! Geez!**

**Link: (in other room) Hey, Zelda! Where's the remote?!**

**Zelda: (also in other room) What do you think I am?! A psychic?!**

**?: Teaming up with the enemy...tsk tsk tsk, Victoria Gertrude Cleopatra EpicFace FalconPawnch OvarNineThousand Fitzgerald Assassin, I am very disappointed in you...**

**Link: (walks in) Hey, Vic, I can't find the remote anywhere. Have you seen-**

**?: You!**

**Link: Ganondorf?! You're not gonna get me this time! (draws sword)**

**Vic: Link, stop!**

**Link: Have you forgotten already?! He's the enemy! Why are you defending him?!**

**Vic: Because...uh...**

**Ganondorf: Oh, so he DOESN'T know yet. How deliciously malicious! Go ahead, 'Vicky!' Tell him the truth!**

**Vic: He's...he's my dad.**

**Link: What?!**

**Zelda: What?!**

**Navi: Meh, I'm not surprised.**

**Vic: Dad, what are you doing here?**

**Ganondorf: What? A father can't drop in unannounced to see his daughter; said daughter destroying the last shred of respect he had for her a couple of years ago? Plus, I (ahem) have a present for you.**

**Vic: I don't want ANYTHING that's from you!**

**Ganondorf: Oh, it's not from me! It's from...uh...let's see, That skirt wearing freak is here, so is the princess and the fairy... is that the farm girl asleep on the couch? Ugh, who's missing from her entourage? Oh, right! It's from Zerbo!**

**Vic: What?**

**Ganondorf: Er...I mean, Zehro.**

**Vic: Zehro sent me this? But, why do you have it?**

**Ganondorf: Well, he...uh...twisted his leg and he's uh...in the hospital. He felt bad that he couldn't make it, so he got you a present to make up for it. I happened to be passing by at the time, so he asked me to deliver it.**

**Vic: Zehro has never given me a present...**

**Ganondorf: Did I mention that he feels extremely terrible?**

**Vic: Well, I guess I could take a look at it... (opens)...what is this? Looks like some blue orb...**

**Ganondorf: Well, he told me that it was a...TIME FREEZE!**

**(And with those words, the orb bursted open. It froze time all around the world. Ganondorf was the only person who could still move.)**

**Ganondorf: And now, to absolutely ruin that puny half-wit's story!**

_Chapter 9: The Hero Runs Out of Time_

The hero approaches the gate to death mountain. He looked towards his fairy and gave her a triumphant look.

"Are you ready?"

"Let's go, Link."

The hero and the fairy start to go up the trail to death mountain. With each step the hero took, the ground seemed to shake. He seemed to be getting heavier. To the point where he couldn't walk anymore. He gazed up at the top of death mountain and saw someone at the top, being attacked or something. He looked closer and saw that it was Zelda.

"Help! Help, please! Help!"

Link forced himself to run up the mountain to where Zelda was. Numerous boulder fell on him. His skin was searing because of the intense heat. He finally reached the summit to find Zelda being attacked by a Moblin. Link charged at the moblin and killed him. He ran over to Zelda, who was now laying on the ground. She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"Link...forgive...me."

Her eyes closed and her body felt limp. She was dead. Link was devastated. He struggled to fight the tears back. Suddenly the ground began to shake, and a devilishly handsome Gerudo burst out of the ground and landed in front of the puny hero. He raised his hand and formed a fireball.

"Your time has run out...hero."

And with that, he launched the fireball at Link. Within a matter of seconds, Link was-URK!

**Ganondorf was grabbed by his collar, pulled off of the chair and sent to the ground. He stood up and saw, staring at him with menacing eyes...**

**Ganondorf: Z-Zehro?!**

**Zehro: (pulls out a knife) You may be Vic's Dad, but that won't stop me from slicing your neck in two for trying to ruin my story.**

**Ganondorf: How did you not get frozen?!**

**Zehro: Counter spell! BEE-YATCH! I always carry one with me. Now, get the hell out of my house!**

**Ganondorf: Alright, alright! Fine! (leaves)**

**Zehro: Alright, let's see what he damaged so far...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Zehro: Oh, that son of a Ruto. He didn't even do the disclaimer. (turns to face computer monitor) I don't own the Legend of Zelda. (focuses on story) Alright, let's get started on Chapter...8? Did I already...(click)...Gah! Vicky! She published a chapter without me?! That's it! I'm gonna fire...hello, what's this? ...uh...okay, she can stay. Let's see...falls asleep in the Sacred Forest Meadow...'for her too?' Ah, okay, I see what she was getting at. Alright, let's get Chapter 9 done, then. It'll be nice to do the story without any input from the others.**

_Chapter 9: To Death Mountain!_

"Link! Link, wake up!"

Link woke up to being shaken like a madman by Saria. He darted up and grabbed Saria, indicating that he was awake and that she didn't need to shake him anymore. Saria breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank the goddess, you're awake!"

"Why were you shaking me like a madman?"

"You were having a nightmare. Something about Zelda and 'Ganondorf' or something...?"

**Reader: What're you doing with the dialogue?!**

**Zehro: Hey, you noticed. I'm reorganizing this story. No more chat like you're used to...except for the beginnings. And the ends. And the parts where an annoying character interrupts me.**

"Oh, right. I had a horrible nightmare. I dreamt that I arrived at Death Mountain and found Zelda dead. Then, Ganondorf launched a huge fireball at me. That's when you woke me up."

"Geez," Saria said. "That sounds terrible." "It is. But, it's just a dream," Link replied. "What about you?"

"What?"

"What about you?," he repeated. "What was your dream?"

"Uh..."

**[Flashback to Saria's Dream]**

"And you shall be crowned the queen of ponies, Saria!"

"Woohoo! Thanks, Princess Celestia!"

"Yay! Let's go on an adventure!"

"Yeah! Let's go, Pinkie Pie!"

**[End Flashback]**

"Uh... I dreamt that I was a queen."

"Oh, cool." Link stood up and took a good look around him. He was still in the Sacred Forest Meadow. It was daytime, about mid-morning. Almost noon.

**Audience: YOU'RE A BRONY?!**

**Zehro: No, I'm not! I'm adding it in for a friend of mine who said he'd give me five bucks if I did it. Speaking of which, HEY ANDREW, I did it! You owe me five bucks, sucka!**

**Andrew: Jokes on you, everybody think's you're a brony now. And I'm still frozen in time, so I have no idea how we're talking.**

**Zehro: Damn, his mind works fast! Whatever, no more interruptions.**

"Navi! Navi, where are you?"

"She's in your hat, remember?"

"No, she isn't," Link said. "I'd feel her tugging on my hair if she was in my hat." He lifted his hat to show Saria. Just then, a note fell out. He picked it up and read it.

_Link,_

_Since you obviously aren't gonna get there yourself, I've decided to go to Death Mountain without you. If you have one shred of dignity left, you'll leave as soon as you get this note._

_Still hating your guts,_

_-Navi_

_P.S. Tell Saria I hate her guts too._

Link picked up his shield, which was WAY beyond heavy, and switched it out with his Deku Shield. Now that he could move properly, he said his goodbyes to Saria.

"I gotta get to Death Mountain. I'm sorry, Saria."

"Okay. It was great seeing you again."

"You too." And with that, Link left the Sacred Forest Meadow, darted out of Kokiri Forest, crossed Hyrule Field, got attacked by a peahat once or twice, and finally made it to Kakariko Village. And it only took him...four hours?! He didn't hesitate to run up to the gate to Death Mountain, pass Eddie the Guard and walk up the mountain in search of his fairy.

* * *

"Navi," he called out, out-of-breath. "Navi, I'm here. Where..._oh dear Din_...where are you?" The zipper on Link's infini-pouch opened up and out flew the fairy he was searching for. "Well, looks like I finally motivated you to get to Death Mountain."

Link turned around in surprise, only to see his fairy floating there, arms crossed and a smirk on her face. "You were hiding in my pouch this whole time?!" "Yep. Perfect plan, if I must say so myself." Link forced himself not to facepalm at the snide remark and focused on the path before him.

"So...this is Death Mountain?"

"Yep."

"Why do you think it's called Death Mountain?"

Navi facepalmed herself and gave Link a sarcastic look.

"Because it's full of magical horses that poop out rainbows!"

Link rolled his eyes and started walking up the mountain. Tektites roamed the mountains and attempt to attack anything in sight. Link defeated them with ease and continued his way up. After a few minutes, they had made it halfway up the mountain. That's when they heard a rumbling sound.

"That sounds like a boulder! Be careful, Link!"

"No, that's me. I'm starving!"

"Then, why didn't you eat?"

"I haven't eaten in days," Link shouted. Navi looked down and shook her head. "Well, I'm sure that they'll have some food here for you." "Who's they," Link asked. "The Gorons," Navi replied.

"What's a Goron?"

Navi stopped in her tracks when she heard that question. She turned around and faced Link. "I'm sorry, what?"

"What's a Goron?"

"You mean you don't know?"

"I thought that was pretty obvious. Now, what's a Goron?!"

Navi floated there in silence for a few minutes before she spoke. "To be honest with you, I have no idea either. The Great Deku Tree told me that they were 'rock people,' so that's what I'm gonna go with."

"The technical term is 'Rockus Humanicus,' you insolent little fairy."

Navi turned around and immediately bitch-slapped Link. "That was uncalled for, you Cucco-Sucker!"

"I didn't say that," Link protested. "Do I sound THAT smart at all?!"

"Of course you don't, you skirt-wearing twit."

Link pulled out a flyswatter and hit Navi with it. "Saria told me that my mother made me this outfit, you overgrown firefly!"

"Ow! You idiot, I didn't say that!"

"Well," Link said, "it's just you, me and the boulder and last time I checked, boulders don't talk."

"Let me ask you this, fairy boy, when is a boulder not a boulder?"

"I dunno," Link said, still not knowing where the voice was coming from. "When?"

"When it's a Goron." The boulder, in question, opened itself up to reveal a fat man, wearing glasses, no clothes except for a loincloth and a buzz cut. And he was made ENTIRELY out of rocks. "Woah," Link said, awestruck. "You're a Goron, aren't you?"

"Of course I am. I hope you didn't have to strain your one brain cell too hard, you sock hat wearing freak."

Navi was laughing her ass off. "Ahahahahaha! Ah, I could get used to hanging out with this guy."

"Oh, please. Why would I waste my time with a dainty, two winged, lopsided, flat-chested fairy like you?"

Navi's eye twitched a little bit. "_Asshole! They're still growing... _Nevermind...Look, mister Goron, do you know where we can find-"

"That is not my name, you blithering idiot! My name is-"

"I don't care what your name is," Link interrupted. "Can you tell me where I can find the Spiritual Stone of Fire or not?!"

"Hmph," the Goron grunted. "So, you're after the spiritual stone. Are you a messenger of the royal family?"

"Just say yes," Navi whispered to Link.

"Yes, I am."

"Really...Ahahaha! Why did I even ask that? You are too small to be the messenger. Alright, I've had a good laugh. Now, be on your way, boy."

Link was pissed. He picked up the nearest rock and hurled it at the Goron's face. The glasses fell off of the Goron and landed on the ground. Navi was upset. "Link, you idiot!"

"What? He was pissing me off," Link protested. Navi facepalmed again and apologized to the Goron. "I'm so sorry. My partner can be a bit thick-headed sometimes. We'll just be on our way."

The Goron did not reply. Navi got confused and talked to him again. "_Ahem_, I said, we're leaving. Don't you want to insult us one last time?" The Goron stood silent. "Hello?" The Goron did not move. Navi turned around and shouted at Link. "Oh great! You killed him. Great job!"

"He's not dead," Link said. "If he is, why is he still standing?"

Navi's expression changed entirely. "Wow... Even I should've known that one." She spun around and faced the Goron yet again. This time, dumb smile crossed the rock man's face. He looked straight at Navi.

"...I like turtles."

This time, both Link and Navi facepalmed. Link walked over to the glasses and picked them up. "Maybe the glasses have something to do with it."

"Link, could you be any more of an idiot," she questioned with her back turned.

"I believe the term is Idioticus Linkus, Navi."

"Stop trying to sound smart. It hurts my brain."

"Trying? Ahaha. I'm not trying to do anything except correcting you on how wrong you are."

Navi spun around and yelled at Link. "Okay, now you're starting to-" She paused, mid-sentence, as soon as she saw Link. He was wearing those glasses that had fallen off of the Goron. She gave him a confused look. "Link?"

"Yes?"

"Take of those glasses."

"What?! But these glasses let me see reality through a very 'real life' perspective. By Din, I can see clearly! We are not real, Navi! We are just 'polygons' created for the entertainment of young children! Don't you see?! We do not exist! Damn you, Nintendo! Damn you all to-"

SMACK!

Navi had heard enough, so she smacked Link and made the glasses fly off of him. And break. Link rubbed the back of his head. He felt his brain shrink to JUST the right size. "Thanks. Being smart hurts my brain."

"No problem," Navi said, stifling a laugh. The two made their way into a cave that led to the city of the Gorons. Big white words appeared above Link's head.

* * *

**Goron City**

Link ignored it and walked up to the nearest Goron. "Excuse me, do you know where-"

"AAAAAH! A HUMAN," the Goron screamed. He curled up into a ball and sped away. Link shrugged off his confusion and went to go talk to another Goron. "Uh, hey. Can you tell me where I can find the Spir-"

"By Darunia's Armpit Hair! It's a Human!" The Goron curled into a ball and sped away. Now, Link was beyond confused. He looked to Navi who was just as confused as he was. "Am I the only one feeling like we don't belong here?" Navi turned to him. "Well, duh, we don't belong here. We aren't Gorons, idiot," she said, annoyingly. "Still, I didn't think they'd be so isolated to the point were even seeing a human scares them."

Link continued to walk through the city until he got to a certain part. It looked like a tunnel. And there were a bunch of bulky, blue flowers next to them. Link crouched down and picked the flower. It was way heavier than he expected. Navi had a feeling of fear whenever she saw the flower, but couldn't remember why. It wasn't until after the flower started flashing red, that she finally remembered.

"Link! That's a bomb flower! Put it down!" Link quickly dropped the bomb and ran. It exploded seconds after he dropped it, blowing up the wall that was next to it. Link could hear music coming from the newly found entryway. It sounded like...Saria's Song? It was a way back to the forest! Well, that would certainly come in handy.

Link quickly turned back around to explore more of the city, but instead, he fell off a ledge and landed on the main ground. He quickly avoided being run over by a giant jar, with a carving of a Goron's face on each side, and ran to the first entrance he saw. It was locked, but outside of it was a rug with the royal family crest on it. Link immediately took out his ocarina and played Zelda's Lullaby. The door slowly opened and Link stepped inside.

In the next room, Link saw another Goron, but this one was hairier, more buff than the others and had a certain menacing aura to him. Link quickly guessed that he was the leader. The Goron saw Link from out of the corner of his eye and his face went from angry to enraged almost instantly.

"What the?! Who are you," the angry Goron angrily asked.

"I'm Link. I'm here for the-"

"My sworn brother, King Daphnes Nohanssen Hyrule, sent a kid to help us?!"

"Uh, not necessarily. I-"

"Now I'm REALLY ANGRY!" The Goron punched the wall extremely hard and a loud crash was heard from outside of the mountain.

* * *

**[Meanwhile...]**

"Come on, Tael! We already missed them in Kakariko! Maybe we can get them at Death Mountain."

Tatl and Tael were flying up the Death Mountain, looking for the entrance to the Goron City. They had been searching for hours, but still had no idea where it was. "Sis! Over here," Tael shouted. Tatl looked over and saw a humongous cave with a Goron standing outside of it. She grinned evily and they both flew towards the entrance. Then they heard a rumbling sound.

They both looked up and saw, coming at them, a boulder about the size of a baby giant. "INCOMING!" Tael hightailed it out of there, but Tatl was stupid enough to let herself be crushed by the boulder. Tael flew back and found his sister barely poking out of the bottom of the boulder. She looked at Tael and whispered something to him.

"Tael...bring...(mumbles)"

"What?"

"I said...bring...(mumbles)"

"Bring...Amber Lamps? Where am I gonna find-"

Tatl grabbed her brother by his hair and screamed in his ear. "JUST GET THIS BOULDER OFF OF ME!"

* * *

**[Back to the Story]**

"Woah, calm down, big fella," Navi said, calmingly. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?! What's wrong?! You mean besides the fact that that idiot king sent a little kid to help us get our food back and stop King Dodongo from trying to eat us?!"

"Hey, calm down! He's just a kid."

"You're right. Go home, kid. This is a Goron problem! We don't need your help."

Navi sighed and grabbed Link by the collar. "Come on, Link. I guess we need to...Link?" Navi turned around and saw Link digging through his Infini-Pouch. After a few minutes, he pulled out a giant book. He flipped through the book until he found the very thing he was looking for. He put the book back in the bag and took out his ocarina. Navi was confused with what he was doing and so was the Goron. Link started to play Saria's Song.

The Goron's eyes widened as he heard the music. He started singing along with it and dancing.

_Look at me!_

_Da-run-ia_

_I am the leader of the Goron Tribe!_

_Better run and hide!_

_I'll smash you!_

_With my fists!_

_Better run away, from my hairy pits!_

_My hairy pits!_

Link slowly backed away from the singing Goron who was dancing like he was having a seizure.

_Dodongo, he took our, rock sirloins!_

_Take my Hammer, And smash it, in his groin!_

_Dodongo, you better, watch your back!_

_Can't run, can't hide, I'm coming inside, prepare yourself I'm about to attaaaaaaaack!_

_I am Daru-NIA!_

Both Link and Navi would have to bleach their eyeballs to unsee what they just saw. The Goron took one look at them and immediately stopped dancing. He went back to his normal stance like when they first saw him. "Ahem, sorry you had to see that. That song is one of my favorites and it always cheers me up," the Goron said. "I am Darunia. Leader of the Goron tribe. Who are you?"

"I'm Link, and this is my fairy, Navi."

"What can I help you two with?"

"Well, y'see..."

Link explained his quest to Darunia. He mentioned how he was sent on this quest and emphasized how many monsters he had defeated. Darunia glared at Link as soon as he finished his story.

"So, you're after the Spiritual Stone too, eh?"

Link raised his eyebrow. "Too? There was someone else looking for it?"

"Grrrr... vile man... that man, Ganondorf, came here and demanded that we give him the spiritual stone," Darunia explained. "When I refused, he went to he nearby cavern, enraged Dodongo and blocked all of our sources of food. We'll starve at this rate."

"So, Ganondorf was here too... so can I-"

"Woah, slow down there, kid. I'm not just gonna GIVE the stone to you," Darunia said. "Aw," Link complained. "Why not?!"

"Well, I don't know if I can trust you, yet! But, I'll tell you what, if you can-"

"Done," Link interrupted. "I'll kill King Dodongo and get your food back for you." Darunia gave him a confused look. "I was actually gonna ask you to do a duet with me, but that works too. Here, take this. It'll help you pick up our special crop, bomb flowers." Link took the bracelet that Darunia gave him and put it on. He instantly felt stronger.

"Now, go kill Dodongo," Darunia commanded. "Unless, you wanna play that song again." Link didn't hesitate to run out of there as fast as he could. Wait, he was forgetting something...NAVI! He ran back to Darunia's room, grabbed Navi, put him in his hat and ran back outside.

* * *

Once they were outside, he took Navi out of his hat. She still wasn't moving. "Navi? Are you okay?"

No answer.

"Navi?"

"C-c-cannot unsee...CANNOT UNSEE!"

"Navi?"

Navi flew up and grabbed Link by the collar. "Help me," she screamed. "Help me, dammit!" Link thought about it for a moment. The only way to forget something as horrible as that... would be to do something worse that'll make her forget entirely! And he knew JUST the right kind of torture. "Navi..."

"W-what?"

"Hey!"

"...what?"

"Look!"

"...look at what?"

"Listen!"

"...I don't hear anything."

"Watch Out!"

"What?! What for?!"

An evil grin crossed Link's face. "Hey, Look, Listen, Look, Watch Out, Hey, Listen, Listen, Look, Hey, Listen, Hey, Listen, Hey, Hey, Look, Hey, Listen!"

Navi was at the point to where her eyes were twitching and her glow was slowly turning from blue to red. Link continued.

"Hey, Listen, Look, Hey, Watch Out, Look, Hey, Listen, Listen, Watch Out, Hey, Watch Out, Look, Listen, Listen, Look, Watch Out, Listen, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Watch Out, Look, Listen!"

Navi was glowing bright red and she was starting to pull her hair out.

"Hey, Look, Listen, Watch Out, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Listen, Listen, Watch Out, Look, Look, Hey, Watch Out, Hey, Listen, Look, Watch Out, Look, Hey, List-"

Navi grabbed him by the collar and screamed in his face. "SHUT! THE FUCK! UP!" The rage of her voice spread all across Hyrule. It shook the mountain, almost causing it to erupt, and it caused a second boulder to land on Tatl, just as she escaped from the last one. Mother's covered their children's ears, the elderly went deaf, and if she had used it at full power, Death Mountain would be nothing but a crater.

Link's hair was standing straight up and his hat was nowhere in sight. Navi let him go, and he fell straight to the ground. She didn't know why, but somehow, she felt better. Like she had forgotten something traumatizing. Link slowly stood back up and regained he balance. "Did your forget it," he asked.

"Forget what?"

Link grinned. "Your welcome. Now, come on. Let's get that Spiritual Stone." Both Link and Navi walked down the path to the cave. Along the way, they passed a boulder about the size of a baby giant. Muffling sounds could be heard from it. "Has that boulder always been there," Link asked. Navi shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno." They walked past it. Tatl poked her head out from under the boulder and said, as loud as she could, "Navi! You suck!" Navi looked back and saw her. She grinned, stuck out her tongue and kept going.

They finally reached the end of the path to where the cavern was. Emphasis on 'Was.' A huge boulder was blocking the way. "Has THAT one always been there," Link asked. "I don't think so," Navi answered. "Alright, we need something to remove this with."

"What do you suppose we use? Raw strength?"

Before Navi could do anything, a bomb dropped from above. "Incoming! Get out of the way," Navi screamed. The two of them got away just in time as the bomb hit the boulder and exploded. The way was opened again. Link stood back up and the two of them walked inside the cave.

Inside this cave, were a bunch of bomb flowers and a wall with a huge crack in it. Link walked over to the bomb flower, picked it up, set it near the door and waited for it to explode.

"LINK," someone called out.

"Huh?"

THUD! Link was pushed forward by some mysterious force and was brought face to face with the bomb just as it was about to go off.

"Oh, shi-"

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-


End file.
